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If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Old African proverb

John Cacioppo, American neuroscientist and author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, argues that loneliness developed for important evolutionary reasons; to remind us that as social beings we must seek the company of others. Hard to do right now, but we must persevere and be creative. 

Societies and individuals who drift into disconnection are fostering problems for the future. Twice as unhealthy as obesity, loneliness poses a significant health risk. Men are particularly vulnerable with nearly half of all men over fifty suffering from severe loneliness. This figure is expected to rise by fifty percent in the next fifteen years (Heaven only knows what the figure is in 2020). 

For me, being motherless at a young age and living in a family of two, motivated me to broaden my relationships. It also taught me how to enjoy my own company—to be alone without being lonely. Though I’ve been motherless, divorced and widowed, I’ve rarely felt lonely. Like hobbies and physical activity, I believe that fostering the skill of making friends is developed when we need it the least to be there for us when we need it the most. 

Friendship/relationships require attention. Similar to keeping our muscles strong, without effort and attention, relationship atrophy can easily set in and along with it loneliness. 

Affirmation: I pay attention to relationships.

Coaching questions: What are you doing now to keep loneliness at bay in the future? If you are lonely, what’s one step you will take today to feel less so—call an old friend, Zoom a social event, reach out to a neighbor? 

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The naked now, the one without frills, the one that was always here, just wasn’t as interesting as what could be, what should be, and what I wanted to be. Geneen Roth, author of This Messy Magnificent Life

Like many of us, Geneen admits that for several years she lived a life of “if only.” Perhaps you too have thought, “If only I was thin, if only I could find love, if only I had a better job, a bigger house—if only I had a mom.” We become entranced with the belief that happiness is in the future or in changing the past. 

Eventually, Geneen learned to not only want, but really love, the now more than the possibilities of the future. She writes, “The pull of drama (the what ifs) still compels me, but the love of showing up where I am is bigger.”

Affirmation: I choose to live in the naked now.

Coaching questions: What will motivate you to take a foot out of the past or future and move into the now? What difference will it make in your quality of life?

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Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely. Roy T. Bennett, author

Taking Roy Bennett’s advice and looking to the Peanut’s cartoons for help with attitude adjustment, here’s what I found. 

Remember Lucy and her the Psychiatric Help, 5 cents, the doctor is in cartoon? Sometimes, when life is difficult, Lucy’s advice makes sense.

Here’s a favorite—“Go home and eat a jelly-bread sandwich folded over,” she once quipped, reminding me not to over-dramatize the situation and just curl up with some comfort food until the storm blew over.

Sometimes, we need a good laugh to adjust our attitude—

Lucy Van Pelt: I know how you feel about all this Christmas business, getting depressed and all that. It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle or clothes or something like that.

Charlie Brown: What is it you want?

Lucy Van Pelt: Real estate.

Affirmation: I will choose my attitude wisely.

Coaching questions: What’s your attitude about the holidays this year? How might you choose differently? What difference will it make? 

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All things come to those who wait. English poet Lady Mary Montgomerie Currie (1843-1905)

As I contemplate what learning can come out of our current pandemic experience, patience tops the list for me. (Appropriate for December since Christians are in the midst of Advent—a time of preparation and waiting for the birth of the Savior. )

I’m not known for my patience. I’m a “get it done now” kind of person so this lesson in patience is a difficult one. Like many of you, my life has been turned completely upside down. I’m waiting for the day (after enough of us are vaccinated for COVID) when I can safely resume my life—visit my family, spend time with my friends, take trips, go out to dinner or to a movie—and all the other things I’ve put on hold in the interest of my safety and the safety of others.

Reframing this time from being a “scourge on my life” to being “a time of learning” helps me endure the wait. Now if I can move from the state of  “endure” to “thrive in” I’ll be making progress. I’m working on it.

Affirmation: I’m cultivating patience.

Coaching questions: What is this “season of life” teaching you? What steps are you taking to move from enduring to thriving (I really want to know!)? How have you handled waiting in the past? 

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Remember Pearl Harbor, never again. The Pearl Harbor motto.

On the morning of  December 7, 1941 there was a surprise military attack on Pearl Harbor, a U.S. naval base in Hawaii. The battle was the tipping factor that convinced the United States to enter into World War II.

As we come together in remembrance, we celebrate the ultimate triumph of the human spirit. However, no matter the result, war is always brutal and ugly. My dad hated all war. Besides WWII, he also served in the Korean conflict and spent his civilian career working in a Veterans’ Hospital. He witnessed the human devastation of war everyday. I pray that as we honor those who lost their lives defending our freedom, we learn from our past. If only the motto were true—never again.

Affirmation: I remember.

Coaching questions: How do you connect to this day in history? What contribution can you make to “never again?”

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Carve a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment. Martin Luther King, Jr., American minister and activist

Feeling less joyful than usual this holiday season? Like many of you, I have a long list of disappointments during this dark time of living in the midst of a global pandemic. What can we do to “carve a tunnel of hope” as Dr. King suggests? 

Here are a few suggestions: Talk to someone about how you’re feeling, practice good self care, Zoom or meet personally in a safe way with a group who shares your interests, set achievable goals for yourself. 

And–give yourself some empathy! Tell yourself that it’s normal to feel sad and disappointed right now, it’s okay to not be your usual vibrant self—this won’t last forever.

However, if you or someone you know is feeling extremely depressed, seek professional help or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text START to 741-741 to talk to a trained counselor anytime. 

Affirmation: It’s okay to feel how I’m feeling.

Coaching questions/requests: How are you acknowledging your feelings? How can you show empathy to yourself and others in these challenging times? Make a list of current disappointments. Make a list of what you’re grateful for right now. 

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The crinkling eye above the mask. Six words of thanks from a NYTimes reader.

Last week the New York Times invited readers to send six words describing what made them thankful in 2020. It’s a form of writing—the six-word memoir—popularized by author, Larry Smith. More than 10,000 replied. Here are a few responses:

The backyard haircuts are getting better.

Saved a lot of lipstick money.

Mom, 87, rocking pretty, pandemic ponytail.

Sunny mornings, a window facing east.

Still riding’ my horse at seventy.

I’m just thankful for indoor plumbing.

I am bored, but not dead.

It’s just a cold, not Covid.

Dr. Fauci and all truth-speakers.

Healthcare workers. Healthcare workers. Healthcare workers.

I have someone I can hug.

My six words of thanks: I am happy/healthy at home.

Coaching question: What six words describe what makes you thankful this year?

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The greatest dishes are very simple. Auguste Escoffier, French chef

Alice Waters, leading-edge U.S. chef, shares two of her favorite recipes in her book Coming to My Senses: The Making of a Counterculture Cook. 

1. Go get some perfectly ripe figs in August, put them on a plate, and eat them. 
2. Go cut some mint from the garden, boil water, pour it over the mint. Wait. Drink.

French chef, Alain Ducasse, says eighty-five percent of cooking is shopping. Find what’s ripe and beautiful and alive and in season. Start with boiling water and adding mint—you’ve got this!

Affirmation: I can cook.

Coaching requests/question: If cooking for the holidays intimidates you, start with something simple. Start with something fresh. How will you apply these chefs’ suggestions to your menu?

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I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder. G.K. Chesterton, English writer and philosopher

I know Thanksgiving here in the U.S. is still a week away, but I believe we can’t consider the value of gratitude too often. In fact, daily gratitude—written down, prayed about, said out loud—is the ideal.

Chesterton was (he died in 1936) on to something when he wrote “gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” If we’re not amazingly grateful for the gifts that are given to us by God and the people in our lives, we’re missing out on the wonder of life. The sunset, a call from a friend, a hug, good health, a loving family, dog kisses—are all opportunities for gratitude. 

Affirmation: I’m grateful.

Coaching questions: What are four things you’re grateful for right now? How will you express your gratitude? 

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