I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia.
I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me.
A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way.
A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts.
I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers.
I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth.
Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.
Symbols are the imaginative signposts of life. Margot Asquith, author
Pink carnations have always been special to me because they were the flowers on my mother’s casket and one of the few memories I have of the months following her death seventy years ago.
I thought they were randomly chosen by my dad but, perhaps, he chose them for their meaning. “Light pink carnations represent love and gratitude that are similar to a Mother.” They also say, “I’ll never forget you.”
In America, they are the official Mother’s Day flower.
Affirmation: I honor the symbols in my life.
Coaching questions: What symbols do you hold dear? What do they mean to you and why? How do they help you keep your memories alive?
Volunteers don’t get paid, not because they’re worthless, but because they’re priceless. Sherry Anderson, author
April is National Volunteer Month and this week is National Volunteer Week. This began as a celebration to honor the contribution women made on the home front during World War II.
Living in an area populated by many retirees, I see volunteerism at it’s best. Tutoring, public pantry workers, meals to people struggling with illness, beach cleanup, fundraisers for scholarships and other worthy causes, etc.
Of course, volunteerism isn’t just for retirees. I begin volunteering as a candy striper in a veterans’ hospital when I was fourteen. As our quote says, volunteers are priceless at any age. Where would our world be without them?
Affirmation: I honor volunteers.
Coaching questions: How have you found meaning in volunteering? What’s something you can do this week to make a difference in the life of another?
Beware the barrenness of a busy life. Socrates, philosopher
It seems that “busyness” is a badge of honor these days. Many of our ancestors worked from sunup to sundown in order to survive. I’m not talking about that kind of busy. I’m talking about a self-imposed schedule of running from one activity, meeting, appointment to the next—sometimes overlapping.
At times, I own this. My well-intentioned balanced life gets out of whack and I become one of those people who leaves early to go to the next thing. However, I do embrace what Jodi Clarke, MA, LPC/MHSP says about busyness.
“Remember self-worth does not come from being busy. Come up with a mantra that expresses what self-worth truly means to you or reasons for self-love.”
As I’ve often written in this blog, it’s okay to say “no.” Clarke expands on this, “Sacrificing our well-being to overextend ourselves can have severe consequences in the long term.”
Affirmation: I am a worthwhile person.
Coaching questions: What does your schedule look like? If you’re running yourself ragged through self-imposed activities, how can you get back in balance? What will it feel like to have a day (or more) with nothing that “must” be done?
Luck is believing you’re lucky. Tennessee Williams, American playwright
Happy Saint Patrick’s Day tomorrow! If you live in the U.S. or Ireland, chances are you’ll be celebrating by wearing green, drinking green beer, marching in a parade or eating corned beef and cabbage.
The patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick was born in Roman Britain in the late 4th century. When he was sixteen, we was kidnapped and taken to Ireland as a slave. He escaped but returned around 432 A.D. to convert the Irish to Christianity.
Affirmation: I believe I’m lucky.
Coaching question: How do you celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?
I raise my voice—not so I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard. Malala Yousafzai, education activist and youngest Nobel Peace Prize laureate
March is National Women’s History Month. The 2024 theme is “Women Who Advocate for Equity, Diversity and Inclusion.”
The theme recognizes women throughout the country who understand that, for a positive future, we need to eliminate bias and discrimination entirely from our lives and institutions.
The National Women’s History Alliance writes, “It takes courage for women to advocate for practical goals like equity, diversity and inclusion when established forces aim to misinterpret, exploit or discredit them. Throughout 2024, we honor local women from the past and present who have taken the lead to show the importance of change and to establish firmer safeguards, practices and legislation reflecting these values. Following decades of discrimination, we are proud to celebrate women who work for basic inclusion, equality and fairness.”
Amen to that!
Affirmation: I will raise my voice and do what I can to make a difference.
Coaching question: What’s one thing you will do this month to advocate for equality, diversity, and inclusion?
In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you. Mortimer J. Adler, American philosopher and educator
In some “book” groups I participate in on Facebook, there seems to be competition around how many books people have read. I read a fair amount of books each year but I have no goals—I simply read what I read. Some books are short and a fast-read, like The Bucket List by Rachael Hannah, a charming story of a woman finding her way, or long and complex like The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese, a family saga taking place in India.
Some are non-fiction like The In-Between by Hadley Vlahos, R.N., a book about the unforgettable encounters during life’s final moments, or The Wager by David Grann, a story of shipwreck, mutiny, and murder.
I don’t consume all of this “main course” reading without “dessert books” like Janet Evanovitch’s twenty-book series featuring Stephanie Plum, bail bonds person (I listen to these) or Someone Else’s Shoes by Jojo Moyes, a fun read full of interesting characters.
Affirmation: I read!
Coaching ideas: If you don’t have time to sit down with a book or electronic device, consider audio books—a great resource for busy people. If you want to be challenged to read outside your comfort zone and try new genres and authors, consider joining a book club. If money is a consideration, get your books at the local library. Happy reading!
Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change. Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, author
When my late husband, Keith Bell, literally dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of fifty three, I experienced first hand the “great and sudden change” Shelley is talking about. In 2024, we’ll all experience change. I certainly hope it won’t be great or sudden (unless the change event is something really good) but you never know.
Psychiatrist Henry Emmons, MD, author of The Chemistry of Calm, writes, “Start making small changes when you’re not stressed. Think of it like exercise. If you’re trying to get in shape, you don’t try to do a month’s worth of workout in one day.”
The same is true when training yourself to deal with stress. If you earn how to calm your mind when your stress is small, the better prepared you’ll be for the big changes that are inevitably coming your way.
Affirmation: I’m prepared for change.
Coaching questions: What big change have you handled in the past? How well do you handle change? What can you do now that will help you better handle change in the future?
The language we use is extremely powerful. It is the frame through which we perceive and describe ourselves and our picture of the world. Iben Dissing Sandahl, a Danish licensed psychotherapist, family counsellor, teacher and author
Is your inner voice a friend or a foe? Is it giving you negative messages or affirming who you are and who you want to become?
Lisa Coyne, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist, and author writes, “People do not hear voices, per se, but we do notice critical thoughts popping up as we go through our days.” Dr. Coyne goes on to explain how this is a good thing in the case of danger but sometimes it goes too far.
“We have evolved to experience our thoughts as literal truths. It’s what allows us to learn indirectly by listening to what other people say, rather than only directly through our own experience. Our inner voice is always on, and it’s over inclusive in its estimation of what is threatening. These are features, not bugs, of our critical voice. It wouldn’t be a great threat detector if you could turn it off at will, and it wouldn’t be a great threat detector if it somehow underestimated threats, right?”
My experience and the experience of some of my coaching clients is that we can learn how to tame the Gremlin, the term I use for the negative inner voice. You’ll never slay the Gremlin because, as Coyne says, she’s there for a reason. However, you can learn to discern which negative thoughts are true or not, overcome all-or-nothing thinking, stop discounting the positive, and stop labeling yourself using negative language (fat, stupid, irresponsible).
Affirmation: I am okay!
Coaching questions: What is your inner voice telling you? How can you “tame” your Gremlin (your negative thoughts)? What difference will positive self-talk make in your life?
Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart. Roy T. Bennett, author of The Light in the Heart
Are you looking forward to the possibilities 2024 has to offer? Is your passion for something so strong that it’s pulling you forward?
Congratulations, the feeling of being pulled forward is inspiration! Inspiration moves us to take action because the outcome is meaningful to us. When you do what inspires you, you’ll satisfy your soul and produce the best results.
In my opinion, inspiration is a process that frequently takes time so celebrate the small wins along the way. Inspiration is also cyclical. You may feel inspired one day but not the next. Don’t despair. Inspiration is a gift and if we remain willing to accept it, willing to change, willing to move beyond our comfort zone, inspiration will return.
Affirmation: I will act on what inspires me.
Coaching questions: What are you inspired to do/be in 2024? How will you allow inspiration to work its magic on you?
Life after losing a mother 