Harmful Secrets

Hiding, secrets, and not being able to be yourself is one of the worst things ever for a person. It gives you low self-esteem. You never get to reach that peak in your life. You should always be able to be yourself and be proud of yourself. Grace Jones, singer songwriter, supermodel, record producer, actress

Secrecy is very common in families where there has been a tragedy. The C-word is never mentioned, death is not discussed, the unspoken agreement is “don’t ask, don’t tell” where everyone is expected to act as if nothing happened. After talking with motherless daughters who grew up in this environment, I’ve come to believe that the secrecy was as much of a problem as the actual death of their mother. Silence increased their feelings of shame, especially if their mother died when they were young and they didn’t have an opportunity to process their experience by openly acknowledging their mother’s existence and their profound loss.

Families that have open discussions, answering any and all questions, who talk about the deceased mother and her cause of death, create a healthy environment for the motherless daughter where she can flourish and feel worthy rather than less-than.

Affirmation: I create an open and honest environment for my family.

Coaching questions: How have family secrets kept you from becoming your best self? What will you do about it? What difference will it make? Be specific.

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