Author: Mershon Niesner

Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude. From A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh

For many years, I religiously made New Year’s Resolutions. In recent years I adopted the idea of choosing a word for the year instead. This year I’m choosing two words: Gratitude and Kindness.

I’m counting on my heart being able to “hold a rather large amount of Gratitude” like Piglet’s. But first I need to take notice of all the reasons I have to be grateful and express my gratitude to God and the people in my life.

After taking Piglet’s advice on gratitude, I’m taking Oprah’s advice on kindness that I wrote about in my last blog. I’ve decided that being a “nice” person isn’t enough. In 2021, I want to concentrate on being a kinder person to friends, family, and strangers alike. 

The definition of nice is: Pleasant, agreeable, satisfactory. The definition of kindness is someone who is: friendly, generous, and considerate. I think the actions of a kind person need to go beyond this narrow definition but, it’s a start. 

Affirmation: I will show more gratitude and kindness in 2021.

Coaching questions: If you chose to have a word for 2021, what is it? Why did you chose that word? 

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

Don’t underestimate your power. Hate is potent, but so is kindness. And goodness, and grace. Use yours generously. Oprah

2020 has been a tumultuous year for people all over the world. It’s easy to feel powerless in the wake of psychological and physical chaos.

What I know for sure, however, is how you treat every person in your sphere can and will make a difference. Don’t underestimate the power of goodness, kindness, and empathy. Don’t underestimate the power of modeling—to children and others. Do what you can to make 2021 a gentler, kinder year. 

Affirmation: I have power.

Coaching question: What’s one thing you’ll do in 2021 to make a difference in our troubled world? 

Sure, he knows if you’ve been naughty or nice but what about crabby? Doesn’t crabby count for something? Lucy from Peanuts

I’ve been a bit crabbier than usual this year. What about you? Along with Lucy, I’m wondering, “Doesn’t crabby count for something?”

My calm, cool, collected husband—bless his heart— doesn’t seem bothered by my crabbiness. That’s a big plus. My best friend affirms me in my crabbiness, admitting she feels pretty darn crabby herself sometimes and it’s ok. My adult children worry about my wellbeing—perhaps they sense my unaccustomed crabbiness. We’re not a family of worriers so their concern feels particularly loving. 

All in all, I think crabby counts for something this year and I’m expecting Santa to drop by—not on his sleigh, of course, but on his wave runner. Even Santa realizes that sometimes we’re all a bit crabby. 

Affirmation: It’s ok to be crabby sometimes.

Coaching questions: Have you been crabby lately? How have you handled it?

Photo by Lynda Hinton on Unsplash

In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. Albert Camus, Awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature at the age of 44 in 1957.

Tomorrow, we celebrate the Winter Solstice—the longest night of the year. On Tuesday, we begin the slow crawl towards Spring. 

For many, the months since the pandemic have been a sort of winter marked by isolation and inactivity. The distribution of vaccines is similar to what we will experience on Tuesday—the beginning of more light, yet, darkness still prevailing. 

On top of all this, tomorrow night, (12/21/20) Jupiter and Saturn will align in the night sky in an event astronomers call the “great conjunction” — also referred to as the “Christmas Star” — marking the planets’ closest encounter in nearly 400 years. 

What a year!

Affirmation: I celebrate the return of “light” in all it’s forms. 

Coaching question: Have you found an “invincible summer” within you this year? 

Photo by Wenhao Ryan on Unsplash

If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together. Old African proverb

John Cacioppo, American neuroscientist and author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, argues that loneliness developed for important evolutionary reasons; to remind us that as social beings we must seek the company of others. Hard to do right now, but we must persevere and be creative. 

Societies and individuals who drift into disconnection are fostering problems for the future. Twice as unhealthy as obesity, loneliness poses a significant health risk. Men are particularly vulnerable with nearly half of all men over fifty suffering from severe loneliness. This figure is expected to rise by fifty percent in the next fifteen years (Heaven only knows what the figure is in 2020). 

For me, being motherless at a young age and living in a family of two, motivated me to broaden my relationships. It also taught me how to enjoy my own company—to be alone without being lonely. Though I’ve been motherless, divorced and widowed, I’ve rarely felt lonely. Like hobbies and physical activity, I believe that fostering the skill of making friends is developed when we need it the least to be there for us when we need it the most. 

Friendship/relationships require attention. Similar to keeping our muscles strong, without effort and attention, relationship atrophy can easily set in and along with it loneliness. 

Affirmation: I pay attention to relationships.

Coaching questions: What are you doing now to keep loneliness at bay in the future? If you are lonely, what’s one step you will take today to feel less so—call an old friend, Zoom a social event, reach out to a neighbor? 

Photo by Adam Nieścioruk on Unsplash

The naked now, the one without frills, the one that was always here, just wasn’t as interesting as what could be, what should be, and what I wanted to be. Geneen Roth, author of This Messy Magnificent Life

Like many of us, Geneen admits that for several years she lived a life of “if only.” Perhaps you too have thought, “If only I was thin, if only I could find love, if only I had a better job, a bigger house—if only I had a mom.” We become entranced with the belief that happiness is in the future or in changing the past. 

Eventually, Geneen learned to not only want, but really love, the now more than the possibilities of the future. She writes, “The pull of drama (the what ifs) still compels me, but the love of showing up where I am is bigger.”

Affirmation: I choose to live in the naked now.

Coaching questions: What will motivate you to take a foot out of the past or future and move into the now? What difference will it make in your quality of life?

Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely. Roy T. Bennett, author

Taking Roy Bennett’s advice and looking to the Peanut’s cartoons for help with attitude adjustment, here’s what I found. 

Remember Lucy and her the Psychiatric Help, 5 cents, the doctor is in cartoon? Sometimes, when life is difficult, Lucy’s advice makes sense.

Here’s a favorite—“Go home and eat a jelly-bread sandwich folded over,” she once quipped, reminding me not to over-dramatize the situation and just curl up with some comfort food until the storm blew over.

Sometimes, we need a good laugh to adjust our attitude—

Lucy Van Pelt: I know how you feel about all this Christmas business, getting depressed and all that. It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle or clothes or something like that.

Charlie Brown: What is it you want?

Lucy Van Pelt: Real estate.

Affirmation: I will choose my attitude wisely.

Coaching questions: What’s your attitude about the holidays this year? How might you choose differently? What difference will it make? 

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

All things come to those who wait. English poet Lady Mary Montgomerie Currie (1843-1905)

As I contemplate what learning can come out of our current pandemic experience, patience tops the list for me. (Appropriate for December since Christians are in the midst of Advent—a time of preparation and waiting for the birth of the Savior. )

I’m not known for my patience. I’m a “get it done now” kind of person so this lesson in patience is a difficult one. Like many of you, my life has been turned completely upside down. I’m waiting for the day (after enough of us are vaccinated for COVID) when I can safely resume my life—visit my family, spend time with my friends, take trips, go out to dinner or to a movie—and all the other things I’ve put on hold in the interest of my safety and the safety of others.

Reframing this time from being a “scourge on my life” to being “a time of learning” helps me endure the wait. Now if I can move from the state of  “endure” to “thrive in” I’ll be making progress. I’m working on it.

Affirmation: I’m cultivating patience.

Coaching questions: What is this “season of life” teaching you? What steps are you taking to move from enduring to thriving (I really want to know!)? How have you handled waiting in the past? 

Photo by Joshua Rawson-Harris on Unsplash

Remember Pearl Harbor, never again. The Pearl Harbor motto.

On the morning of  December 7, 1941 there was a surprise military attack on Pearl Harbor, a U.S. naval base in Hawaii. The battle was the tipping factor that convinced the United States to enter into World War II.

As we come together in remembrance, we celebrate the ultimate triumph of the human spirit. However, no matter the result, war is always brutal and ugly. My dad hated all war. Besides WWII, he also served in the Korean conflict and spent his civilian career working in a Veterans’ Hospital. He witnessed the human devastation of war everyday. I pray that as we honor those who lost their lives defending our freedom, we learn from our past. If only the motto were true—never again.

Affirmation: I remember.

Coaching questions: How do you connect to this day in history? What contribution can you make to “never again?”

Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash

Carve a tunnel of hope through the dark mountain of disappointment. Martin Luther King, Jr., American minister and activist

Feeling less joyful than usual this holiday season? Like many of you, I have a long list of disappointments during this dark time of living in the midst of a global pandemic. What can we do to “carve a tunnel of hope” as Dr. King suggests? 

Here are a few suggestions: Talk to someone about how you’re feeling, practice good self care, Zoom or meet personally in a safe way with a group who shares your interests, set achievable goals for yourself. 

And–give yourself some empathy! Tell yourself that it’s normal to feel sad and disappointed right now, it’s okay to not be your usual vibrant self—this won’t last forever.

However, if you or someone you know is feeling extremely depressed, seek professional help or call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or text START to 741-741 to talk to a trained counselor anytime. 

Affirmation: It’s okay to feel how I’m feeling.

Coaching questions/requests: How are you acknowledging your feelings? How can you show empathy to yourself and others in these challenging times? Make a list of current disappointments. Make a list of what you’re grateful for right now. 

Photo by Snowscat on Unsplash