Tag: depression

Balancing Purpose and Pleasure

by Mershon Niesner

To be truly happy, you need to feel both pleasure and purpose. You can be just as happy or sad as I am but with a different combination of pleasure and purpose. And you may require each to different degrees at different times. But you do need to feel both. I call this the pleasure-purpose principle–the PPP. Paul Dolan, author of Happiness by Design

Hedonism is the pursuit of happiness via sensory pleasure and comforts. Eudaemonism is the pursuit of happiness through efforts to live a virtuous life and become a better person. There’s evidence to show that living well means balancing these two aims.

If we choose one to the exclusion of the other, we can end up feeling like we’re missing out which can cause anxiety, depression and even chronic disease. One way to obtain balance is to notice when experiences provide a sense of both pleasure and purpose then create more of these moments in our lives.

Affirmation: I have both pleasure and purpose in my life.

Coaching questions: Can you name a time when you experienced both pleasure and purpose? What helps you keep both pleasure and purpose active in your life? What gives you pleasure? What gives you a sense of purpose?

Make Your Bed

by Mershon Niesner

Sleep sound in the knowledge that tomorrow you’ll have the strength to help fix the world just a bit more, because you’ll know just where to take your first healing step: Make your bed. T.R. Kerth, newspaper columnist and author of Revenge of the Sardines

When I started coaching in 1996, my first client was a woman who was depressed, chronically tired, and lacked motivation. She was recently divorced and hired me to help her “get her life back together.” Part of the the intake protocol I used was to have clients fill-out an assessment of their life activities including health, financial, etc. From this assessment, I learned that my client didn’t make her bed. My first coaching request was, “Make your bed everyday for the next week.”

Mr. Kerth (see quote above) was asked to do the same thing by his therapist when he was exhausted and overwhelmed after the recent death of his wife from yet another stroke…he had been her caretaker for eight years. Mr. Kerth says, “I took his advice, and I felt my depressed helplessness loosen its paralyzing grip on me at once. Besides now that the bed was made, there was less chance that I would retreat to it during a weak moment later in the day.” This is exactly what happened to my client! She slept better because she quit taking naps (who wants to make a bed twice in one day?), she gained momentum as she accomplished at least one thing even before brushing her teeth. She was on her way to getting her life back. Two great stories about the power of a single activity. What are you waiting for? Go make your bed!

Affirmation: A single step can make a difference

Coaching questions: What is one small step can you take to make a difference in your life? What’s keeping you from taking it?