Mixed Message

I waffled between being unable to even say the words ‘my mom died’ to then wanting to talk about nothing else but my dead mom. Kate Spencer, author, The Dead Moms Club, a memoir

I’m in the middle of reading Kate Spencer’s book, The Dead Moms Club. In addition to a terrific (in my opinion) writer, Kate is also a professional comedian and the combo is dynamite….think Amy Schumer meets seriously grieving daughter.

Her quote above about talking about mom versus not talking about mom is very common….I hear it frequently as I interview daughters, especially if their mother recently died. As caring friends and family, it puts us in a difficult position. Is today the day for talking or not? I say error on the side of  “talking about.” Not the pat, “How are you doing?” but things like, “I remember that time when we ……” People want to know that others remember too. My long-time friend, Leanne, recently shared a story about my mom that happened 64 years ago. It was a one sentence memory. That single line is in my book and in my heart. Your memories count. Share them.

Affirmation: I cherish and share my memories.

Coaching questions: Talking or not talking? What works for you? When you’re able, let your friends and family in on what you’re feeling.

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