Instead of saying, “I’m damaged, I’m broken, I have trust issues” say “I’m healing, I’m rediscovering myself, I’m starting over.” Horacio Jones, author
Recently in a Facebook group of people who have suffered loss, someone basically asked the group what “miseries” they are going to experience in February—whose birthday will they not get to celebrate, etc. I suggested the question be reframed into who/what will you be celebrating in February.
There was a backlash. I’m learning from being in many of these types of groups that some people want to maintain the status quo, stay miserable, and have their misery affirmed by others. I call it the “ain’t it awful” syndrome.
To me, reframing isn’t about telling yourself that your grief is wrong or invalid. Reframes are about finding another way to look at the possibilities of life. Instead of saying “Ain’t it awful that I can’t celebrate my mom’s birthday yet again” I’d suggest saying, like Jones’ quote above, “On______I will set aside time to celebrate my mom’s life; who she was, what she meant to me and others.”
Affirmation: Words matter.
Coaching question: If you’re a member of the Ain’t It Awful Club, how might you reframe your circumstances?