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Poetry Speaks to the Heart

by Mershon Niesner

When flowers bloom, pay attention. No one is promised tomorrow. Martha Bordwell, author 

My friend and fellow writer, Martha Bordwell, gave me permission to share her beautiful and meaningful poem with you. Martha’s essays and poems have been published in local and national journals. She’s also the author of a memoir entitled, Missing Mothers, which interweaves her experience of losing her mother who died when she was a child with her experience of raising adopted children.


Memorial Day by Martha Bordwell – originally published in Amsterdam Quarterly

Today I found a photo
taken when I was five years old.
I stand alone, in front of a blooming bush,
spears of pink shooting skyward behind me.
I clasp a sprig with both hands
and wear a yellow dress
with a matching bow in my red hair.
The dress is too short;
knobby knees stick out.
I am missing a tooth.
On the back of the photo
my mother wrote, Martha, May, 1954.

Mother must have loved spring
with its abundance of blooms.
Did she welcome each entry in its parade:
first daffodils, then tulips, trillium, bleeding hearts?
Apple blossoms, flowering plums, lilacs?
Did she peer impatiently at the peony buds,
watching the ants scurry up and around
like stagehands getting ready for opening night?
And glow when they opened their annual show,
petals spreading atop slender stems,
a chorus line of gossamer gowns.
Did she wish, like I do, that the show would last
a little longer?

Mother didn’t live to see another spring,
gone more quickly than a blooming bush.
I have no memories of our time together.
Only photos which whisper,
When flowers bloom, pay attention.
No one is promised tomorrow.

Affirmation: I will hold tight to those who have loved me.

Coaching questions: How might you write about your mother loss experience or mother memories? 

Photo by Anna Niezabitowska on Unsplash

Living the Mashed Potato and Gravy Years

by Mershon Niesner

It’s really pleasant to be with, familiar, faithful, complaining a little, continually going about its business, loving to lie down. Lillian Morrison, poet, author of When I Am An Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

Getting back to exercising after a few weeks away reminds me what an uphill battle it is to stay “in shape” as we age. The quote above from Morrison’s poem, Body, reminds me of how fortunate I am to have this old, familiar body that complains only a little and generally goes about its business.

As a motherless daughter of a motherless daughter—both dying in their 30s—I call my years past thirty-five “gravy years.” Now, as I approach a healthy, happy seventy-seven, my life is better than gravy, it’s a second helping of mashed potatoes with gravy on top.

Affirmation: My body is “pleasant to be with.”

Coaching questions: What’s motivating you to keep your body healthy? How’s that working out? How do you view the years following the “anniversary” year of being the same age as your mother when she died?

Photo by Parnis Azimi on Unsplash

What Helps You Sit With Uncertainty?

by Mershon Niesner

It is an act of courage to acknowledge our own uncertainty and sit with it for a while. Harriet Lerner, psychologist and author

For a person, like me, who finds peace and security in making and executing a well-thought-out plan, sitting with uncertainty is challenging and I don’t like it. 

Harriet Lerner calls this sitting “an act of courage” but, to me, courage means choice (I choose to go into the lion’s den). When we have no choice but to sit with uncertainty, I think we have to call on other traits; like perseverance and resilience. 

As I scarf down corned beef hash with vinegar and Ketchup (a childhood favorite) and meticulously clean my kitchen (something within my control), I’m reminded of tools I’ve used in the past to persevere in the midst of uncertainty. A more recent tool (I’m thinking Covid lock-down year), is journaling (much healthier than corned beef hash). 

Affirmation: I will acknowledge and sit with uncertainty for a while. 

Coaching questions: How do you deal with uncertainty? What are your coping mechanisms? 

Photo by Tamas Pap on Unsplash

Remembering Those Who Have Died

by Mershon Niesner

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. Mark Twain, American writer

In the United States, this is Memorial Day weekend, a time to remember those who died while serving in the military. The greatest per capita loss of military life for the U.S. was the Civil War (April 12, 1861 – April 9, 1865) in which brother fought brother killing 623,026 when our population was only thirty-one million. 

Our modern day equivalent are the frequent mass shootings by men toting AR-15, military style rifles made to explode human bodies. In this case, however, killings are not soldier to soldier in combat conditions, but the killing of neighbors and neighbor’s children for, mostly, reasons unknown. 

Today I’m grateful that my relatives who fought in wars from the Revolutionary War to the Gulf War, survived. I honor all those who bravely fought and never came home. At the same time, my heart continues to break for innocent victims of our current domestic violence. 

Affirmation: I seek peace.

 Coaching questions: Thinking of the loss others have experienced is helpful in dealing with our own losses. Who are you thinking of today?

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Plant The Seeds For Your Dream TODAY!

by Mershon Niesner

If your grandest aspirations are lying dormant or barely creeping along it’s time to leap ahead. Jill Patton, journalist and health coach

Perhaps your dreams are asleep, cocooned in discontent. Even dreams we can clearly visualize like writing a book, starting a business, remodeling the kitchen, or moving abroad, are often caught in ongoing preparation, stalling, and fear. I challenge you to leap into your dreams!

Tara Mohr, author of Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead, defines leaping as “When you give yourself permission to step into your vision now, but without overhauling your life in doing so.” 

Mohr begins by asking women to articulate what’s calling them. Then she challenges them to start living that dream TODAY—yes, this Tuesday! Plant the seeds that will sprout and bloom into your dream. 

Affirmation: I will plant one seed today! 

Coaching questions: What dreams are lying dormant in your life? What’s one seed you will plant today that will wake that dream up and take it one tiny step further? What’s another step, and another, and another?

Understanding the Challenge of Mental Illness

by Mershon Niesner

A diagnosis has been enough without being burdened by secrecy and shame. Jane Pauley, television journalist diagnosed with bipolar disorder

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Although we have made progress in our understanding, treatment, and acceptance of mental illness, we still have a long way to go. When any other organ is diseased or distressed, there is sympathy, understanding, and readily available treatment.

When the brain is diseased or distressed we frequently say, “Just get over it.” Or “You seem fine to me.” Sometimes we think less of a person because they think or act in a way that is unclear to us. We need to champion those with mental illness along with the professionals and organizations who serve them. 

Affirmation: I acknowledge and champion those with mental disabilities and disease.

Coaching questions: What can you do to help a friend with mental illness come out from under the mantel of secrecy and shame? If you’re deeply depressed, suspect you’re bipolar, or have other possible mental health challenges, what’s keeping you from seeking professional help? 

The National Alliance on Mental Illness HelpLine can be reached Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. – 10 p.m., ET. 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or helpline@nami.org

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

What Will You Do to “Have A Fun” This Summer?

by Mershon Niesner

The space you occupy on this Earth isn’t meant only for work and toil, but also for joy and lightness. Joanna Gaines, quoted from Magnolia magazine

Chip and Joanna Gaines have achieved great success mainly through hard work and perseverance. In a recent article in their magazine, Magnolia, Joanna admits, however, that she takes life too seriously sometimes. Joanna says, “In her Korean accent, my mother frequently reminds me, ‘Don’t forget, Jojo, have a fun!’” 

I also need to be reminded to “have a fun” as I too tend to take life seriously with intentions, self-imposed deadlines, and to-do lists. As memorial day weekend approaches in the USA, I want to declare a season of fun as I kick off the summer visiting family in New York then spending the rest of the summer with family and friends in Illinois. 

Deep, meaningful plans are always a worthy pursuit, but as Jo writes, “I’m learning that sometimes it’s a moment of unexpected lightness that makes our souls sing.” I agree.

Affirmation: I will have fun!

Coaching questions: What constitutes fun for you? Do you tend to have too little discipline and too much fun or too little fun and too much discipline in your life? What will you be doing for fun this summer?

Photo by Vika Strawberrika on Unsplash

Ready To Renew A Friendship?

by Mershon Niesner

Renewed friendships require more care than those that have never been broken. Francois de La Rochefoucauld, a noted French moralist

Perhaps it was the isolation of the pandemic, your neighbor moved to another state, you had a falling out with a relative, or you said something ugly to your college roommate years ago. Whatever the reason, you lost a friend that you’re now missing.  

Reach out! It’s never too late to renew a relationship. Forgive or ask for forgiveness. Let your friend know that you’re missing them and want to get back in touch. 

However, be aware that not every friendship is worthy of renewal. If you ended a relationship due to changing values or seriously hurtful acts, I’d suggest you leave it on the shelf where it belongs. The goal is to restore healthy relationships and nurture those that bring you joy and add meaning to your life.

Affirmation: I will restore healthy relationship that I miss.

Coaching questions: Should this relationship stay on the shelf or is it truly worth renewing? What part did you play in its demise? Are you willing to forgive? Will you work on the friendship once it’s restored?

Take a Tip From Einstein

by Mershon Niesner

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving. Albert Einstein

Einstein was a cycling enthusiast of sorts. It’s widely believed that he conceived the theory of relativity while riding a bike (really?). The BMJ, a highly respected British medical journal, found that regular cycling cut the risk of death from all causes by more than forty percent. Of course, other forms of exercise are also beneficial but the bicycle provides exercise without additional weight-bearing stress on joints.

The bike was invented in 1817 by a German, Karl von Drais. Early bikes were known as dandy horses among other things.

Want to be smarter, happier, and more resilient? Like most other physical activities, cycling enhances cognitive function.

Affirmation: I will ride my bike this week.

Coaching question: If you feel unsafe riding outside, consider a stationary bicycle and ride in the confront of your home. What good memories do you have of riding a bike? What would it be like to start riding again?

There’s More Than One Definition of Mother and Mother’s Day

by Mershon Niesner

What Julia Ward Howe had in mind in 1870 when she invented Mother’s Day was a day on which we oppose war and advance peace. In other words, it wasn’t Mother’s Day, but a Mothering Day. Gloria Steinem, American journalist

When we think of Mother’s Day we think of honoring a person who brought a child into the world—a mother. If we consider mother as a verb, we come up with a completely different take on the day. 

Mothering can be done by male or female, old or young. When you mother someone, you show them empathy, love, and thoughtfulness. You care greatly about their welfare. Mothering is love freely given. One can become a mother by happen-stance but one mothers from a sense of purpose and love. 

Since I only had a mother for eight years, I’ve extremely grateful that many women and men have “mothered” me–and still do.

Affirmation: I am grateful for the mothering in my life.

Coaching questions: Who has mothered you? Who do you mother?

My mom, Winnie Horn, and me in Wyoming. Circa 1950.