Renewed friendships require more care than those that have never been broken. Francois de La Rochefoucauld, a noted French moralist
Perhaps it was the isolation of the pandemic, your neighbor moved to another state, you had a falling out with a relative, or you said something ugly to your college roommate years ago. Whatever the reason, you lost a friend that you’re now missing.
Reach out! It’s never too late to renew a relationship. Forgive or ask for forgiveness. Let your friend know that you’re missing them and want to get back in touch.
However, be aware that not every friendship is worthy of renewal. If you ended a relationship due to changing values or seriously hurtful acts, I’d suggest you leave it on the shelf where it belongs. The goal is to restore healthy relationships and nurture those that bring you joy and add meaning to your life.
Affirmation: I will restore healthy relationship that I miss.
Coaching questions: Should this relationship stay on the shelf or is it truly worth renewing? What part did you play in its demise? Are you willing to forgive? Will you work on the friendship once it’s restored?
We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. Jim Rohn, motivational speaker
When I say “no” to a bowl of chips, I think of a version of this quote. I usually say to myself, Eventually discipline will have to intervene—now or 100 pounds from now. Choose wisely. I use this concept with relationship issues as well likechoosing (mostly) to not respond to inflaming and, frequently, untrue political posts on Facebook or, more seriously, to tell someone I love that I’m sorry.
I try to keep a “clean slate” with people I care about. It’s been my experience that one never knows when there will no longer be a chance to say “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you.”
Affirmation: I choose discipline.
Coaching questions: Are you in danger of carrying around the weight of regret? What will it take for you to exercise discipline in this matter?
From regret-riddled to better-because-of-it. From afraid-to-die to ready-to-fly. Grace is the voice that calls us to change and then gives us the power to pull it off. Max Lucado, author and pastor
My Girl Talk God Talk group is reading Grace by Max Lucado. If you think the turning of the leaves, the first snowfall, a new born baby, or the Grand Canyon are evidence of God’s greatest work, wait until you experience grace. Lucado explains it this way, “God’s grace has a drenching about it. A wildness about it. A white-water, riptide, turn-you-upside downness about it. Grace is the voice that calls us to change and then gives us the power to pull it off.”
For me, grace is more than forgiveness, more than the power to change and move forward. For me, God’s grace changed my heart and enabled me to forgive myself.
Affirmation: I am changed by grace.
Coaching questions: What do you know about grace? How has it changed your life? Are you in need of grace? Consider reading Grace. Lucado’s books have been read by over 100 million people around the world.
The art of living well and the art of dying well are one. Epicurus, Greek philosopher
When someone we know is gravely ill or dying, we often wonder what to say. We feel our words are inadequate for the gravity of the situation. I’d suggest you start with these eleven words: Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.
When my late husband, Keith, left for the gym on August 10, 2000, he left a message on a recording devise saying where he was going and “I love you.” An hour later, at age 53, he was dead. Keep current with what you need to say to those you love.
Affirmation: I acknowledge the people I love.
Coaching questions: Do you have any unfinished business with your loved ones? If that person died tomorrow, what would you say to them today? Do it!