Blog

A Sign of Hope

by Mershon Niesner

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. Martin Luther King, American Baptist minister and leader in the civil right movement. 

Last night we went to an ecumenical Thanksgiving service. Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish clergy led the service. It was held at the Jewish Congregation of Marco Island. Yesterday I blogged about hope, then I felt it at this service. People of diverse faiths worshipping together, enjoying each other’s company, like-minded in their love of God and country. In addition to songs of thanksgiving, we sang God Bless America. 

This assemblage was hope personified. Hope that we can embrace the different, come together to give thanks, and show love and appreciation for our country and the world-at-large. I’m thankful for this sign of hope! 

Affirmation: My hope is forever renewed.

Coaching questions: Where have you recently experienced hope? In what ways do you demonstrate hope to others? 

Grab A Life Preserver

by Mershon Niesner

By showing up with hope to help others, I’m guaranteed that hope is present. Then my own hope increases. By creating hope for others, I end up awash in the stuff. Anne Lamott, American novelist and non-fiction writer.

When our world looks bleak and we feel like we’re drowning in grief, pain, regret, or anger, sometimes we must rely on hope to get us through. Tightly hugging hope to your chest is a way to stay on top of what has/is happening in your world. 

Like a life preserver works in the water, hope can keep your head above the surface as you tread or gradually swim towards the shore of recovery. Hope can come from friends, family, faith, or even your pet. 

Affirmation: I’m always hopeful.

Coaching questions: What do you need to be hopeful about? Where do you find hope?

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Editing Your Life

by Mershon Niesner

Good or bad, change is a foray into the unknown. Bahram Akradi, CEO of Life Time Fitness.

We all know that change is part of the human experience. We deal with change everyday whether it is in our relationships, our body, our environment, or our attitude. The world is constantly in a state of change. You’d think we’d have it figured out by now but change is frequently difficult.

The manuscript for my book is due back today from the editor. All the hard work I put into writing what I thought were the best sentences, paragraphs, profound thoughts and snappy conversation will be in question. Well not all of it I hope, but editing is about helping an author create their best piece of work. I’m ready for the change suggestions that I know are coming. Will it be easy? No! It’s the most difficult part of being a writer. Will I get through it? Yes, because I’m committed to making a difference and doing my best work. 

Affirmation: I can make changes.

Coaching questions: What needs “editing” in your life? What changes will it bring about? Will you make them? 

You’re A Princess Too

by Mershon Niesner

Always know that in every girl there is a princess with the strength of a warrior. Unknown 

It’s National Princess Day…who knew? I’m encouraging each of you to celebrate the Princess inside you. Perhaps you shine because you give the gift of humor and laughter. Maybe you show your royal nature by doing acts of kindness or you’re a bold, confident, warrior princess modeling what it’s like to take on a challenge and succeed.

Princesses aren’t just about beauty, pretty dresses and finding a Prince. They are strong,  smart and confident. Whatever type of Princess you are, step into your light and shine. 

Affirmation: I am a Princess.

Coaching questions: How will you show up as a Princess today? What are your royal gifts? 

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Who Dares Wins

by Mershon Niesner

Life is a struggle and the potential for failure is ever present, but those who live in fear of failure or hardship, or embarrassment will never achieve their potential. Admiral William H. McRaven, U.S. Navy Retired from his book, Make Your Bed.

“Who Dares Wins” was the motto of the British Special Air Service, the famed SAS. According to McRaven, the motto was so admired that it was quoted by the commander moments before the bin Laden raid.

 I often asked my coaching clients, “What would you do with your life if you knew you couldn’t fail?” Living life out of fear—of failure or what other’s might think—inhibits potential and contribution. Dare to take risks, feel the fear and doing it anyway. 

Affirmation: I am courageous. 

Coaching questions: What is holding you back from living your best life? What’s one daring thing you will do this week to become your best self? Perhaps it is speaking up on a controversial topic, severing a toxic relationship, taking a class, changing your hair color, starting to workout at the gym, asking someone you’ve just met to lunch. Start where you are then step out of your zone.

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Six Tips For Celebrating the Holidays After a Loss

by Mershon Niesner

How lucky I am to have had someone that makes saying goodbye so hard. Paraphrased from Winnie the Pooh

While some of us are joyfully getting ready for the upcoming holiday season, others are dreading the thought. Whether you’ve had a recent loss or one years ago, the holidays can trigger grief and sadness. Here are a few tips for dealing with this time of the year.

  1. Let others know your wishes. Be clear about what you do and don’t want to attend or participate in. This isn’t the time to be a pleaser. Take care of yourself.
  2. Celebrate traditions…or not. If it feels right to do the things you’ve always done, carry on. If creating new traditions works for you, let others know your ideas and follow through.
  3. Give to a charity in the name of your mom. In this season of gift giving, this is a way to feel you’ve given a gift to your loved one who is gone.
  4. Pass on favorite recipes. One way to create a legacy is to teach others traditional recipes that you learned from your mother. This is particularly satisfying if your children or grandchildren never knew her. 
  5. Attend uplifting events. Find a Christmas play, cantata, or child’s school event to attend. 
  6. Keep it simple. Getting tired and entering into the realm of overwhelm will take away the few emotional reserves you have accumulated. It’s just fine to forget the cards or cookies. Rest when you need to and have a relaxed holiday season. 

Affirmation: I can handle the holidays.

Coaching questions: What is your plan for handling this season? Don’t leave it to chance. Consider what will work for you. Do you have a confidante? Don’t hesitate to contact her.

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Energy Versus Time

by Mershon Niesner

Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.  Oprah Winfrey, American media executive, actress, talk show host, philanthropist. 

With nineteen grandchildren and four great-grands, I start my Christmas shopping early. I’ve also started party planning, making treats for the freezer, and decorating ideas. ’Tis the season!

I learned long ago that it is more important for me to manage my energy than it is my time. We all have 24 hours in a day but energy….there’s the rub. As I’ve aged, my energy has declined so I must use it well. I still wake up most mornings raring to go but the exuberance doesn’t last. If you are in the throes of grief, expect lower than usual energy. Notice when you are most energized and use the time well. Even a few minutes can yield big results when you’re working on all four cylinders and love what you’re doing. 

Affirmation: I manage my energy well.

Coaching questions: What’s your best time of the day? What energizes you? What do you need to do now to manage your time and energy during this busy season? 

Can You Boil Water?

by Mershon Niesner

The greatest dishes are very simple. Auguste Escoffier, French chef, restaurateur and culinary writer who popularized and updated traditional French cooking methods. 

Yesterday I quoted Alice Waters, a famous, leading-edge U.S. chef. Today, I want to share with you her two favorite recipes. An advocate of fresh and local, her first favorite recipe is: “Go get some perfectly ripe figs in August, put them on a plate, and eat them.” Her other favorite is: “Go cut some mint from the garden, boil water, pour it over the mint. Wait. And then drink.” No kidding. These quotes are from her book Coming to My Senses: The Making of a Counterculture Cook. 

You can do this—or some version of this. On Marco Island, where I live, our Farmer’s Market just opened selling fresh, locally grown, organic fruits, vegetables, and much more. I’ve written about it before because I love fresh food. The famous French chef, Alain Ducasse, says 85% of cooking is shopping. Waters says, “Find what’s ripe and beautiful and alive and in season.” Don’t think you can cook? Start with boiling some water—you’ve got this!

Affirmation: I can cook.

Coaching questions/requests: If cooking intimidates you, start with something simple. Slice up some veggies (fennel is my new favorite, carrots, or colored peppers), put on a little olive oil, salt and pepper, a piece of fresh fish and roast about 20 minutes. A beautiful, gourmet meal. What will you make for dinner? Start with something fresh.

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Celebrating Beauty

by Mershon Niesner

When something is beautiful, everybody realizes it. It’s like walking into a grove of old-growth redwoods or witnessing an extraordinary sunset. Alice Waters, American award-winning chef, a pioneer in locally grown, California cuisine

I’m quoting Waters today as I think about our neighbors in California who are experiencing unprecedented fires. Such a beautiful state. I’m so sorry for your losses.

California beauty, like beauty everywhere, enriches our lives. When I was a social worker, I visited a single woman who lived with many children in a dirt-floor hovel. One daughter was deaf and I was helping her obtain hearing aids. When I showed up unannounced at Fanny’s, the floors were always swept, clutter put away, and a jar of wild flowers sat on the scarred table. I knew Fanny over 50 years ago but I’ve never forgotten the beauty of her home. She literally had nothing yet she found a way to create beauty in her surroundings. She inspired me to do the same. 

No matter how humble, everyone recognizes beauty.

Affirmation: I recognize and share beauty.

Coaching questions: How important is beauty to you? What difference do your surroundings make in how you feel about your life? What can you do today to create more beauty around you? 

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Three Steps to Grief Recovery

by Mershon Niesner

When you throw your bread out on the waters of life, it comes back buttered. Rev. Stanley Weems, Presbyterian Pastor

As I spoke with daughters who had experienced profound mother loss, I heard three things that seemed to be universal in their grief recovery.

  1. Focusing on others while moving away from your own troubled and grief-stricken mind, is a key to recovery. Nearly every  daughter with whom I spoke, felt a revival of their spirits when they began to reach out to others. 
  2. Gratitude is a key. As we look at the glass half full, expressing gratitude for the time we had with our loved one, gratitude for the inheritance we received, gratitude for the comfort that came our way, grief begins to dissipate.
  3. Seek professional help if you need it. All daughters who sought help said it made a profound difference in their recovery. Life is short. Don’t wait too long to seek help if you need it.

Whether we are generous with our stories, our empathy, our talents or time, the flow of energy into the world enables it to return in abundance.

Affirmation: I can recover.

Coaching questions: If you are struggling with grief, what one step can you take to move toward recovery? Do you want to move forward? If not, in what way is grief serving you?