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You’re a Seed

They tried to bury us but they didn’t know we were seeds. Mexican proverb

As a woman entrepreneur in the ’80’s, a single mom, a motherless daughter raised by a dad, a sudden widow, a board chair leading mostly men, there have been times in my life that I’ve felt the pressure of “being buried”. However, little did society, neighbors, corporate men, know…I was a seed. In spite of the difficult environment, I grew, I blossomed, I thrived.

I recently heard this great metaphor from a young Mexican American, disabled woman who was speaking to her fellow graduates at a college commencement. No doubt she has felt buried many times but on that commencement day she was a seed who had blossomed.

Affirmation: I am a seed.

Coaching questions: What’s causing you to feel buried? What will help you bloom?

Make Your Bed

Sleep sound in the knowledge that tomorrow you’ll have the strength to help fix the world just a bit more, because you’ll know just where to take your first healing step: Make your bed. T.R. Kerth, newspaper columnist and author of Revenge of the Sardines

When I started coaching in 1996, my first client was a woman who was depressed, chronically tired, and lacked motivation. She was recently divorced and hired me to help her “get her life back together.” Part of the the intake protocol I used was to have clients fill-out an assessment of their life activities including health, financial, etc. From this assessment, I learned that my client didn’t make her bed. My first coaching request was, “Make your bed everyday for the next week.”

Mr. Kerth (see quote above) was asked to do the same thing by his therapist when he was exhausted and overwhelmed after the recent death of his wife from yet another stroke…he had been her caretaker for eight years. Mr. Kerth says, “I took his advice, and I felt my depressed helplessness loosen its paralyzing grip on me at once. Besides now that the bed was made, there was less chance that I would retreat to it during a weak moment later in the day.” This is exactly what happened to my client! She slept better because she quit taking naps (who wants to make a bed twice in one day?), she gained momentum as she accomplished at least one thing even before brushing her teeth. She was on her way to getting her life back. Two great stories about the power of a single activity. What are you waiting for? Go make your bed!

Affirmation: A single step can make a difference

Coaching questions: What is one small step can you take to make a difference in your life? What’s keeping you from taking it?

The Fallen

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. Mark Twain

As much as I love honoring Veterans…members of my own family go back in service as far as the Revolutionary War…Memorial Day is, more specifically, about honoring those who lost their lives in service to our country. Veterans had the fortune of returning home. My dad, a veteran of WWII and Korea, survived these two wars to enjoy another 34 years of robust living. Most likely his life was spared because early on the Army Air Corps (forerunner of the Air Force) discovered he was colored blind. Even though he already knew how to fly, this meant he could not be a fighter pilot…and, consequently, I was born and am here to tell the tale.

My former husband, Keith, lost 134 comrades on July 29, 1967 on the aircraft carrier, USS Forrestal. He earned a Bronze Star for his heroics that day. Whenever the Viet Nam wall came to town, he honored those lost friends and comrades. Today, I’m thankful for their service and the sacrifice of their families.

Affirmation: I am thankful.

Coaching questions: Thinking of the loss others have experienced, is helpful in dealing with our own losses. Who are you thinking of today? What was their contribution to our freedom?

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My parents, Winnifred (Winnie) and Leon, right after their marriage during WWII

The Dragons of Home

I believe that one carries the shadows, the dreams, the fears and dragons of home under one’s skin, at the extreme corners of one’s eyes, and possibly in the gristle of the ear lobe. Maya Angelou

I’m writing on this theme just so I can share this beautiful Maya Angelou quote. I hope you enjoy and find meaning in it. What an amazing writer! Don’t you just love “the gristle of the ear lobe”? In addition to the beautiful prose, I believe what she says is true.

After being away from “home” for over 50 years, I’m still a Nebraska Girl at heart. I yearn to have a view of the horizon from every direction, the fields of green as far as the eye can see, nearly everyone in town dressed in red on game day, farmer’s leaving their trucks running while they dash into the hardware store, dry river beds just ripe for picnics. Fortunately for this only child, motherless daughter, home was happy and didn’t leave me with “dragons under the skin”. It was a place of security, love, compassion and growth. I know I was fortunate because as I interview women, this was frequently not the case. Take time today to consider what home means/meant to you…shadows, dreams, fears and dragons included.

Affirmation: I honor my roots.

Coaching questions: What does “home” mean to you? How does your view of home affect who you are today?

 

Repaired With Gold

In Japan, broken objects are often repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to its beauty. Taken from Facebook post

A green vase with a large crack repaired with gold is a lovely visual. Rather than hidden, the crack is accentuated, giving the vase character and a beautiful design. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could visualize our lives like this vase? Rather than hiding or concealing the “cracks in our life”, our loses, our mistakes, our injuries, we turn them into something beautiful and useful…renewed resilience, greater empathy, strength of character.

Becoming mature, joy-filled, peaceful people means embracing everything life brings us…cracks and all.

Affirmation: I embrace the “cracks” in my life.

Coaching questions: Visualize the cracks in your life filled with gold, shining bright and beautiful. How does this visual feel? What do you need to do to give up the shame, sadness, why-me, anxiety, fear in your life and turn it into “gold”?

 

Rainy Days

‘Some days it’s just going to rain.’ My grandfather told me that when I was 17. He meant I shouldn’t worry about things beyond my control. Bill Vader, Saturday Night Live vet

It’s rainy season in southwest Florida which means a few hours of rain every day. In addition, a tropical storm is on the horizon for the weekend. “Some days it’s just going to rain.” It’s the essence of the Serenity Prayer….God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Accepting what you can’t change is one of the most important aspects of living a joy-filled, peace-filled, less stress-filled life. It may take perseverance and experience to learn this life lesson but it will change your life for the better.

Affirmation: I accept the things I can’t change.

Coaching questions: What are you hanging on to that you can not change? How is that working out for you? What will you do to begin to accept the things you cannot change?

Preparing For the Worst

There is always a part of my mind that is preparing for the worst, and another part of my mind that believes if I prepare enough for it, the worst won’t happen. Kay Redfield Jamison, American clinical psychologist and author

My husband, Ken, is in hurricane preparation mode. The season officially starts June first here in southwest Florida and after the horrific destruction last September from Hurricane Irma, we are preparing even more diligently this year. Three levels of outdoor furniture stored in the garage, sandbags placed in front of sliding doors (even those with shutters), outdoor pots  placed in the yard away from the house, etc. Just filling the sandbags is a big job!

Ken is taking on the house preparation but, in general, I too am a person who prepares for worst case scenario situations. I think it comes from the early loss of my mother. I learned very early that bad things, not only can, but do happen. I’ve always had what I call a “contingency plan.” Even as a little kid, my plan if something happened to my dad was to “run away”. I didn’t have the details nailed down but the fact I had a plan allowed me to move forward with my life. Now, I have end of life plans. Preparation brings me peace.

Affirmation: I plan ahead.

Coaching questions: What preparations do you need to make to give yourself peace of mind? What will it take for you to make these plans?

 

 

Walking Buddies

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. Helen Keller

Good friends from Illinois are visiting us this week. They both love to walk so we have been getting our exercise. Walking and talking with friends makes the exercise seem effortless. I forget about the little aches and pains as we engage in conversation about our surroundings or whatever pops into our heads.

Life with friends is so much more pleasurable and effortless than going it alone. In the Blue Zones Study (where they studied clusters of people around the world who have the greatest longevity), they have documented that socialization, friendships, is one of the key components to living a long, healthy, and joyful life. So, my advice is…walk, eat your beans and greens while laughing and talking with friends. Works for me!

Affirmation: Friends are important to me.

Coaching questions: What do friends mean to you? How can you nurture your friendships? What difference will it make in your life?

Getting Lost

She had the feeling that if she went home, she might never get away. She thought of birds caught in nets. There was something inside her, beating against her ribs, urging her to do things she might not otherwise attempt. She had the strongest desire to get lost. Alice Hoffman, Author of The Red Garden

I’ll be the first to admit it…I can’t find my way out of a paper bag. Unless the sun is immediately setting or rising, I have no idea which direction is north, south, east, or west. Dolphin Tiki Bar and Grill advertises, “Finding us is half the fun.” I haven’t been there yet. Unfortunately, I’ve passed this malady on to my daughter, Katie. My older daughter, Winnie, on the other hand, lives in Harlem, in the heart of New York and knows the city like the back of her hand. My son, Dan, found his way around Paris and took a train to Strasburg when he was 18…alone. Go figure!

My point?? Even if you are a human compass, sometimes you lose your way in life since, unfortunately, our brains are not wired to a “Life GPS” system. However, in getting “lost” we may do things we “might not otherwise attempt”, to quote Hoffman. I’ve certainly been lost on occasion in my life and, at the time, felt that I would never find my way. But I came out of the weeds changed with renewed confidence and an empathy that was found while I was lost.

Affirmation: It is ok to be lost from time to time.

Coaching question: When have you lost your way? What was the result? How did it change you?

Restorative Sleep

Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together. Thomas Dekker, actor

Sleep, such a boring topic, something we take for granted and yet, sleep deficiency is linked to an increased risk of heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and stroke….and we haven’t even started with the psychological implications. Are you one of the 79 percent of Americans getting less than the recommended seven to eight hours of sleep each night?

If you’re not getting enough sleep you may be experiencing weight gain, irritability, depression, impaired short term memory, decreased libido, poor judgment, decreased productivity, decrease in resistance to viral infections. Whew! I’m going back to bed!

Affirmation: I take care of myself with adequate sleep.

Coaching questions: If you are sleep deprived, what can you do about it? What habits can you change? Sleep is a treasure and you are worth having it!