Tag: forgiveness

All I Want For Christmas Is An Apology!

by Mershon Niesner

When you forgive, you free your soul. But when you say I’m sorry, you free two souls. Donald L. Hicks, author

When families gather for the holidays, misunderstandings and angry words often mar the joy. If someone you care about tramples on your feelings, here are a couple of tips to help you elicit an apology or move on. 

—Sometimes a rupture is caused by miscommunication or misunderstandings that can be clarified. Ask for clarity.

—Consider writing a letter expressing your feelings about what she/he said. Perhaps this person is unaware of the pain she caused you. In the letter tell her what you would like to hear in the way of an apology and what she can do to make amends. Everyone has their own “apology language” and it’s helpful to let others know what works for you. 

—If the offensive words or action were completely out of the ordinary, you might consider this a one time lapse and wipe the slate clean.

—Try viewing the unkindness as a mystery. Ask yourself, “I wonder what was going on in this person’s life that temporarily derailed her?” As you do this, consider this story—A commuter was enraged when a woman in an SUV stopped abruptly to get something in the back seat, almost causing an accident. He didn’t know the driver’s infant was choking. 

—Wonder if this person can’t apologize because she has such deep feelings of low self-worth that her fragile ego can’t absorb the blow of admitting she was wrong. If you suspect this is true, tap into your empathy and compassion. Remind yourself that beneath her stubborn exterior, she’s incredibly vulnerable.

I’m sure some of these suggestions won’t resonate with your particular situation but, as a Life Coach, we’re trained to help you “throw spaghetti against a wall and see what sticks.” Yep, I actually heard that phrase in my coach training and it has been a useful tool in helping clients solve problems.

Affirmation: I will metaphorically throw spaghetti and get to the bottom of my angry feelings and quest for an apology. 

Coaching questions: If you’re looking for an apology and haven’t received it, what tip will you use to help you find closure? What’s your apology language? What do you want to hear and how do you express regret?

Photo by Krista Stucchio on Unsplash

Ready To Renew A Friendship?

by Mershon Niesner

Renewed friendships require more care than those that have never been broken. Francois de La Rochefoucauld, a noted French moralist

Perhaps it was the isolation of the pandemic, your neighbor moved to another state, you had a falling out with a relative, or you said something ugly to your college roommate years ago. Whatever the reason, you lost a friend that you’re now missing.  

Reach out! It’s never too late to renew a relationship. Forgive or ask for forgiveness. Let your friend know that you’re missing them and want to get back in touch. 

However, be aware that not every friendship is worthy of renewal. If you ended a relationship due to changing values or seriously hurtful acts, I’d suggest you leave it on the shelf where it belongs. The goal is to restore healthy relationships and nurture those that bring you joy and add meaning to your life.

Affirmation: I will restore healthy relationship that I miss.

Coaching questions: Should this relationship stay on the shelf or is it truly worth renewing? What part did you play in its demise? Are you willing to forgive? Will you work on the friendship once it’s restored?

The Weight of Regret

by Mershon Niesner

We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. Jim Rohn, motivational speaker

When I say “no” to a bowl of chips, I think of a version of this quote. I usually say to myself, Eventually discipline will have to intervene—now or 100 pounds from now. Choose wisely. I use this concept with relationship issues as well like choosing (mostly) to not respond to inflaming and, frequently, untrue political posts on Facebook or, more seriously, to tell someone I love that I’m sorry.

I try to keep a “clean slate” with people I care about. It’s been my experience that one never knows when there will no longer be a chance to say “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you.”

Affirmation: I choose discipline.

Coaching questions: Are you in danger of carrying around the weight of regret? What will it take for you to exercise discipline in this matter?

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Photo by i yunmai on Unsplash

God’s Best Idea

by Mershon Niesner

From regret-riddled to better-because-of-it. From afraid-to-die to ready-to-fly. Grace is the voice that calls us to change and then gives us the power to pull it off. Max Lucado, author and pastor

My Girl Talk God Talk group is reading Grace by Max Lucado. If you think the turning of the leaves, the first snowfall, a new born baby, or the Grand Canyon are evidence of God’s greatest work, wait until you experience grace. Lucado explains it this way, “God’s grace has a drenching about it. A wildness about it. A white-water, riptide, turn-you-upside downness about it. Grace is the voice that calls us to change and then gives us the power to pull it off.” 

For me, grace is more than forgiveness, more than the power to change and move forward. For me, God’s grace changed my heart and enabled me to forgive myself. 

Affirmation: I am changed by grace.

Coaching questions: What do you know about grace? How has it changed your life? Are you in need of grace? Consider reading Grace. Lucado’s books have been read by over 100 million people around the world.  

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Eleven Important Words

by Mershon Niesner

The art of living well and the art of dying well are one. Epicurus, Greek philosopher

When someone we know is gravely ill or dying, we often wonder what to say. We feel our words are inadequate for the gravity of the situation. I’d suggest you start with these eleven words: Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.

When my late husband, Keith, left for the gym on August 10, 2000, he left a message on a recording devise saying where he was going and “I love you.” An hour later, at age 53, he was dead. Keep current with what you need to say to those you love.

Affirmation: I acknowledge the people I love.

Coaching questions: Do you have any unfinished business with your loved ones? If that person died tomorrow, what would you say to them today? Do it!