You’re Not As Alone As You Thought

We are lonesome animals. We spend all of our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say—and to feel—‘Yes, that is the way it is, or at least that is the way I feel.’  You’re not as alone as you thought. John Steinbeck, author

Sunday was the first anniversary of the death of the lovely lady in this photo who died of Early Onset Alzheimer’s. Her story, her daughter’s story, and her mother’s story are in my soon-to-be-released book, Mom’s Gone, Now What? What a difficult two days for these precious ladies. A first Mother’s Day followed by the first anniversary of death. But I know them to be strong women, I heard their strength in their voices and I see it in their actions. They were brave enough to tell their stories even at the height of their despair. 

One thing I know for sure is that telling stories to a trusted person helps us feel less lonesome, as Steinbeck says, as it helps us move forward after challenging life events. As a friend listens, nods, understands, and perhaps, relates to our story, we feel validated. We begin to understand how our experience was not only meaningful to us but also to another person. 

Affirmation: I will be a listener. 

Coaching questions: To whom can you tell your story? What difference will it make?

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Tell Your Story to Another Lonesome Animal

We are lonesome animals. We spend all of our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say—and to feel—‘Yes, that is the way it is, or at least that is the way I feel.’  You’re not as alone as you thought. John Steinbeck, author

Sharing your mother loss story with a trusted person is a first step towards recovery. Not only does sharing important stories from our past help us feel less lonesome, as Steinbeck says, it also helps us move forward after challenging life events. As a friend listens, nods, understands, and perhaps, relates to our story, we feel validated. We begin to understand how our experience was not only meaningful to us but also to another person. 

Invite storytelling into groups in which you participate. Use a Getting to Know You question or share a story related to the topic at hand. This can happen in book clubs, Bible studies, planning committees, wherever caring people congregate. Tell your stories and invite others to do the same. 

Affirmation: I benefit from telling my story.

Coaching questions: To whom can you tell your story? What difference will it make?

 

You’re Not Alone

We are lonesome animals. We spend all of our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say — and to feel–“Yes, that is the way it is, or at least that is the way I feel.” You’re not as alone as you thought. John Steinbeck, author, recipient of the Nobel Prize for Literature

Since I’ve started interviewing women who have lost their moms through death, abandonment, or dementia, I’ve often said that even if I never write this book (which I am and I will), it has been worth it. Why? Because nearly every woman I have spoken with says its wonderful to be heard by someone who understands. Several share experiences they have never talked about before. There are tears and there’s laughter. Nearly all 50, so far, have said that they felt less alone after sharing their story.

When I share part of my journey with them they say, “Yes, that’s how I felt too!” We both feel less alone, less separate, less different, more understood. It makes it so worth it!

Affirmation: I am heard and understood.

Coaching questions: With whom can you share a healing story? What would that story be? What difference might it make?