Hidden Payoff

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” Helen Keller

One of my “companion” books…those books we refer to over and over…is How to Be Your Own Best Friend by Mildred Newman and Bernard Berkowitz with Jean Owen. Mildred and Bernard were married and were both practicing psychoanalysts and psychologists. This book was written in 1971. When I was going through my divorce nearly 30 years ago, I literally carried this book around with me in my purse. It was a dark time for “being my own best friend.”

One of the tidbits of profound information in this tiny book is about suffering and how we often continue to suffer emotionally because there is a hidden payoff which is the familiarity, security and comfort in the old familiar ways of living and feeling. But, just as we can step out of our comfort zone in other realms of our life, stepping away from suffering is also possible whether it is through therapy, journaling, prayer, or physical activity…to name a few.

If you are still suffering over the loss of your mother after many years, ask yourself if this is what she would want for you. Ask yourself if this is the best way to honor her memory. Ask yourself what the payoff is for you to remain in this suffering mode.

Affirmation: I am free.

Coaching question: What will you do to move away from suffering? How will your life look without it?

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