Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Old Treasures Spark Joy

by Mershon Niesner

The objects you decide to keep, the ones that gave you the spark of joy? Treasure them from now on. When you put things away, you can actually audibly say, “Hey, thank you for the good work today.” By doing so, it becomes easier for you to put the objects away and treasure them, which prolongs the spark of joy environment. Marie Kondo, Japanese consultant, author of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

When I returned to our summer-time condo in Illinois yesterday, I experienced what Kondo calls “the spark of joy” upon seeing some of my lifelong treasures. The cane rocking chair in which I was rocked as a baby, the walnut chest made from wood reclaimed from the first Nebraska homestead, my paper weight collection, pictures that my mom loved (shown below) and best of all, the picture that hung over my parents when they were married and then over Ken and I when we were married 16 years ago. In our minimalist condo, these treasures stand out and surround me with lovely memories.

Although these objects evoke memories of the past and my dead parents, they never make me sad. Rather, they bring me joy and gratitude for my family and a long life.

Affirmation: I value things that give me a “spark of joy.”

Coaching questions: What objects bring you particular joy? Are they lost amongst the clutter or do they stand out and remind of you the people you have loved?

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STOP

by Mershon Niesner

If you don’t think your anxiety, depression, sadness and stress impact your physical health, think again. All of these emotions trigger chemical reactions in your body, which can lead to inflammation and a weakened immune system. Learn how to cope, sweet friend. There will always be dark days. Kris Carr, best selling author, wellness activist and cancer survivor

If I want to get riled up, irritated, and have the opportunity to respond without thinking, Facebook is my playground. If you know me at all, you know that these are all things I absolutely DO NOT want to do or feel so I embrace the STOP technique if at all possible.

Stop what you’re doing

Take a few deep breaths

Observe the sensations in your body and mind (I always feel the tension in my stomach)

Proceed with awareness and compassion (emphasis on the compassion)

Affirmation: I respond with thoughtfulness

Coaching questions: How do you handle your irritation, tension, anxiety? How’s it working for you? What’s one thing you will change to be a healthier you?

 

 

 

 

You’re a Seed

by Mershon Niesner

They tried to bury us but they didn’t know we were seeds. Mexican proverb

As a woman entrepreneur in the ’80’s, a single mom, a motherless daughter raised by a dad, a sudden widow, a board chair leading mostly men, there have been times in my life that I’ve felt the pressure of “being buried”. However, little did society, neighbors, corporate men, know…I was a seed. In spite of the difficult environment, I grew, I blossomed, I thrived.

I recently heard this great metaphor from a young Mexican American, disabled woman who was speaking to her fellow graduates at a college commencement. No doubt she has felt buried many times but on that commencement day she was a seed who had blossomed.

Affirmation: I am a seed.

Coaching questions: What’s causing you to feel buried? What will help you bloom?

Make Your Bed

by Mershon Niesner

Sleep sound in the knowledge that tomorrow you’ll have the strength to help fix the world just a bit more, because you’ll know just where to take your first healing step: Make your bed. T.R. Kerth, newspaper columnist and author of Revenge of the Sardines

When I started coaching in 1996, my first client was a woman who was depressed, chronically tired, and lacked motivation. She was recently divorced and hired me to help her “get her life back together.” Part of the the intake protocol I used was to have clients fill-out an assessment of their life activities including health, financial, etc. From this assessment, I learned that my client didn’t make her bed. My first coaching request was, “Make your bed everyday for the next week.”

Mr. Kerth (see quote above) was asked to do the same thing by his therapist when he was exhausted and overwhelmed after the recent death of his wife from yet another stroke…he had been her caretaker for eight years. Mr. Kerth says, “I took his advice, and I felt my depressed helplessness loosen its paralyzing grip on me at once. Besides now that the bed was made, there was less chance that I would retreat to it during a weak moment later in the day.” This is exactly what happened to my client! She slept better because she quit taking naps (who wants to make a bed twice in one day?), she gained momentum as she accomplished at least one thing even before brushing her teeth. She was on her way to getting her life back. Two great stories about the power of a single activity. What are you waiting for? Go make your bed!

Affirmation: A single step can make a difference

Coaching questions: What is one small step can you take to make a difference in your life? What’s keeping you from taking it?

The Fallen

by Mershon Niesner

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. Mark Twain

As much as I love honoring Veterans…members of my own family go back in service as far as the Revolutionary War…Memorial Day is, more specifically, about honoring those who lost their lives in service to our country. Veterans had the fortune of returning home. My dad, a veteran of WWII and Korea, survived these two wars to enjoy another 34 years of robust living. Most likely his life was spared because early on the Army Air Corps (forerunner of the Air Force) discovered he was colored blind. Even though he already knew how to fly, this meant he could not be a fighter pilot…and, consequently, I was born and am here to tell the tale.

My former husband, Keith, lost 134 comrades on July 29, 1967 on the aircraft carrier, USS Forrestal. He earned a Bronze Star for his heroics that day. Whenever the Viet Nam wall came to town, he honored those lost friends and comrades. Today, I’m thankful for their service and the sacrifice of their families.

Affirmation: I am thankful.

Coaching questions: Thinking of the loss others have experienced, is helpful in dealing with our own losses. Who are you thinking of today? What was their contribution to our freedom?

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My parents, Winnifred (Winnie) and Leon, right after their marriage during WWII

The Dragons of Home

by Mershon Niesner

I believe that one carries the shadows, the dreams, the fears and dragons of home under one’s skin, at the extreme corners of one’s eyes, and possibly in the gristle of the ear lobe. Maya Angelou

I’m writing on this theme just so I can share this beautiful Maya Angelou quote. I hope you enjoy and find meaning in it. What an amazing writer! Don’t you just love “the gristle of the ear lobe”? In addition to the beautiful prose, I believe what she says is true.

After being away from “home” for over 50 years, I’m still a Nebraska Girl at heart. I yearn to have a view of the horizon from every direction, the fields of green as far as the eye can see, nearly everyone in town dressed in red on game day, farmer’s leaving their trucks running while they dash into the hardware store, dry river beds just ripe for picnics. Fortunately for this only child, motherless daughter, home was happy and didn’t leave me with “dragons under the skin”. It was a place of security, love, compassion and growth. I know I was fortunate because as I interview women, this was frequently not the case. Take time today to consider what home means/meant to you…shadows, dreams, fears and dragons included.

Affirmation: I honor my roots.

Coaching questions: What does “home” mean to you? How does your view of home affect who you are today?

 

Repaired With Gold

by Mershon Niesner

In Japan, broken objects are often repaired with gold. The flaw is seen as a unique piece of the object’s history, which adds to its beauty. Taken from Facebook post

A green vase with a large crack repaired with gold is a lovely visual. Rather than hidden, the crack is accentuated, giving the vase character and a beautiful design. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could visualize our lives like this vase? Rather than hiding or concealing the “cracks in our life”, our loses, our mistakes, our injuries, we turn them into something beautiful and useful…renewed resilience, greater empathy, strength of character.

Becoming mature, joy-filled, peaceful people means embracing everything life brings us…cracks and all.

Affirmation: I embrace the “cracks” in my life.

Coaching questions: Visualize the cracks in your life filled with gold, shining bright and beautiful. How does this visual feel? What do you need to do to give up the shame, sadness, why-me, anxiety, fear in your life and turn it into “gold”?

 

Rainy Days

by Mershon Niesner

‘Some days it’s just going to rain.’ My grandfather told me that when I was 17. He meant I shouldn’t worry about things beyond my control. Bill Vader, Saturday Night Live vet

It’s rainy season in southwest Florida which means a few hours of rain every day. In addition, a tropical storm is on the horizon for the weekend. “Some days it’s just going to rain.” It’s the essence of the Serenity Prayer….God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

Accepting what you can’t change is one of the most important aspects of living a joy-filled, peace-filled, less stress-filled life. It may take perseverance and experience to learn this life lesson but it will change your life for the better.

Affirmation: I accept the things I can’t change.

Coaching questions: What are you hanging on to that you can not change? How is that working out for you? What will you do to begin to accept the things you cannot change?

Preparing For the Worst

by Mershon Niesner

There is always a part of my mind that is preparing for the worst, and another part of my mind that believes if I prepare enough for it, the worst won’t happen. Kay Redfield Jamison, American clinical psychologist and author

My husband, Ken, is in hurricane preparation mode. The season officially starts June first here in southwest Florida and after the horrific destruction last September from Hurricane Irma, we are preparing even more diligently this year. Three levels of outdoor furniture stored in the garage, sandbags placed in front of sliding doors (even those with shutters), outdoor pots  placed in the yard away from the house, etc. Just filling the sandbags is a big job!

Ken is taking on the house preparation but, in general, I too am a person who prepares for worst case scenario situations. I think it comes from the early loss of my mother. I learned very early that bad things, not only can, but do happen. I’ve always had what I call a “contingency plan.” Even as a little kid, my plan if something happened to my dad was to “run away”. I didn’t have the details nailed down but the fact I had a plan allowed me to move forward with my life. Now, I have end of life plans. Preparation brings me peace.

Affirmation: I plan ahead.

Coaching questions: What preparations do you need to make to give yourself peace of mind? What will it take for you to make these plans?

 

 

Walking Buddies

by Mershon Niesner

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. Helen Keller

Good friends from Illinois are visiting us this week. They both love to walk so we have been getting our exercise. Walking and talking with friends makes the exercise seem effortless. I forget about the little aches and pains as we engage in conversation about our surroundings or whatever pops into our heads.

Life with friends is so much more pleasurable and effortless than going it alone. In the Blue Zones Study (where they studied clusters of people around the world who have the greatest longevity), they have documented that socialization, friendships, is one of the key components to living a long, healthy, and joyful life. So, my advice is…walk, eat your beans and greens while laughing and talking with friends. Works for me!

Affirmation: Friends are important to me.

Coaching questions: What do friends mean to you? How can you nurture your friendships? What difference will it make in your life?