Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Getting Lost

by Mershon Niesner

She had the feeling that if she went home, she might never get away. She thought of birds caught in nets. There was something inside her, beating against her ribs, urging her to do things she might not otherwise attempt. She had the strongest desire to get lost. Alice Hoffman, Author of The Red Garden

I’ll be the first to admit it…I can’t find my way out of a paper bag. Unless the sun is immediately setting or rising, I have no idea which direction is north, south, east, or west. Dolphin Tiki Bar and Grill advertises, “Finding us is half the fun.” I haven’t been there yet. Unfortunately, I’ve passed this malady on to my daughter, Katie. My older daughter, Winnie, on the other hand, lives in Harlem, in the heart of New York and knows the city like the back of her hand. My son, Dan, found his way around Paris and took a train to Strasburg when he was 18…alone. Go figure!

My point?? Even if you are a human compass, sometimes you lose your way in life since, unfortunately, our brains are not wired to a “Life GPS” system. However, in getting “lost” we may do things we “might not otherwise attempt”, to quote Hoffman. I’ve certainly been lost on occasion in my life and, at the time, felt that I would never find my way. But I came out of the weeds changed with renewed confidence and an empathy that was found while I was lost.

Affirmation: It is ok to be lost from time to time.

Coaching question: When have you lost your way? What was the result? How did it change you?

Restorative Sleep

by Mershon Niesner

Sleep is that golden chain that ties health and our bodies together. Thomas Dekker, actor

Sleep, such a boring topic, something we take for granted and yet, sleep deficiency is linked to an increased risk of heart disease, kidney disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and stroke….and we haven’t even started with the psychological implications. Are you one of the 79 percent of Americans getting less than the recommended seven to eight hours of sleep each night?

If you’re not getting enough sleep you may be experiencing weight gain, irritability, depression, impaired short term memory, decreased libido, poor judgment, decreased productivity, decrease in resistance to viral infections. Whew! I’m going back to bed!

Affirmation: I take care of myself with adequate sleep.

Coaching questions: If you are sleep deprived, what can you do about it? What habits can you change? Sleep is a treasure and you are worth having it!

 

Start Something Small

by Mershon Niesner

The easiest thing is to react. The second easiest is to respond. But the hardest thing is to initiate. Seth Godin, American author and former dot com business executive

Another week, another school shooting in the U.S.A. We are averaging one a week so far this year. Whatever your politics, I’m sure you would agree that killing children at school (or any place else for that matter) is unacceptable; horrific actually. We react with shock, sadness, outrage. Sometimes we respond by posting our feelings on Facebook or face to face to friends. But what do we initiate? What new action do we take as individuals to bring about the change we want to see?

It’s difficult to initiate on any subject because we are often overwhelmed by the long term vision and the tasks involved to reach it. As a result, we decide it is better to not start at all. But when we break the vision and tasks down to tiny steps (becoming a mentor, writing an article or Letter to the Editor, making calls to get out the vote, educating ourselves and others about mental health or gun issues, etc.) making a change, one small step at a time, becomes possible.

On a personal level, what’s a tiny step you need to take to initiate the change you want to make in your life?

Affirmation: I initiate change.

Coaching question: What’s one thing you will do this week to initiate a change for the good in your life and world?

Royal Love

by Mershon Niesner

Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love. Stevie Wonder, entertainer

How can I speak of anything but love on the day of the royal wedding? The presence of a young mother, Diana, who died too early, was certainly there. She would have been so proud of her son and the changes he is making to the culture. But the sadness of the past absolutely didn’t take away from the pure joy, the love and the unity this wedding embodied.  Americans and Britons alike were in need of some loveliness…something apart from sadness and anger and bad news in general. I just wish them well…a life of joy and service.

I hope the sadness of your past doesn’t take away the joy and love as your life unfolds.

Affirmation: I am a teacher of compassion.

Coaching question: Who was your greatest teacher? Who is your “sweet flower of love”?

 

 

 

Are We In a Fairy Tale?

by Mershon Niesner

The good mother’s death means a lot in fairy tales, not only for the child, but also for the woman. Helen Reis Mouraoin at http://www.cafecomjung.com

My friend, Kathleen, brought the fact of motherloss in fairy tales to my attention yesterday. It’s scary to think that after nearly 73 years I missed this profound connection.  Just think about it…Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Snow White, Hansel and Gretel…and then there is Bambi, Koda, Po, Ariel, Annie, Peter Pan, Finding Nemo, Aladdin, Pocahontas, etc. What a story line…mother dies, wicked step mother appears…and in more modern day stories, strong father enters, or children are lost and parentless. Good grief…have we been living a “fairy tale” life and didn’t know it?

The whole literary use of motherloss is a fascinating psychological study, enough so that I’m going to write a chapter on it in my book. In the meantime, I’m going to explore a bunch of kids movies and literature and see what sticks in my own life experiences. Who knew we could learn about ourselves while watching movies with our kids or grandkids?

Affirmation: I a learning something new everyday.

Coaching questions: Is there a fairy tale or children’s movie with which you identify? Why? What did you learn about yourself from it?

Throwing Spaghetti

by Mershon Niesner

If you are faced with a mountain, you have several options. You can climb it and cross to the other side, you can go around it, you can dig under it, you can fly over it, you can blow it up, you can ignore it and pretend it’s not there, you can turn around and go back the way you came….or, you can stay on the mountain and make it your home. Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

When I was training to be a Life Coach we had the expression, “Sometimes you have to throw a lot of spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks.” Not a pleasant visual but I love the metaphor. First, life is messy. Second, success comes from trying many options to discover what works best. Third, have fun along the way. And last, clean up the messes you make.

My friend’s 84 year old mother-in-law recently moved into a new assisted living apartment. She was bored. We made many suggestions to our friend to take to her mother-in-law….puzzles, crafts, books on tape, coloring, and lastly, taking notes on her past life. Gradually my friend brought her one thing after another to determine what might stick. Finally, she became engaged in the writing. Now she has something to share when they visit or when she calls them…her stories, written down and preserved. Who knew?

Affirmation: I will throw spaghetti.

Coaching questions: What decision do you need to make that requires looking at options? What will you try to see if it sticks?

Heading to the Beach

by Mershon Niesner

The more often we see the things around us–even the beautiful and wonderful things–the more they become invisible to us. That is why we often take for granted the beauty of this world: the flowers, the trees, the birds, the clouds–even those we love. Because we see things so often, we see them less and less. Joseph B. Wirthlin, American businessman, church leader

I’m determined to NOT fall into Mr. Wirthlin’s quote…I’m determined NOT to take the flowers, the trees, the birds, the clouds and especially those I love for granted. When we moved to beautiful Marco Island, I was determined NOT to take one of the country’s most beautiful beaches for granted. Crescent Beach is breath-taking. I literally shed a tear when I first catch site of its vast crescent beauty. But, it’s been weeks and weeks since I’ve been there. Mr. Wirthlin is winning and today I’m fighting back. I’m up early, before the heat of the day, so I can walk the beach. I will NOT take the beauty around me for granted…much less the people in my life!

So often we have regrets regarding the loss of those we love. We mostly regret taking them for granted. We regret the infrequent visits, the harsh words, or the lack of caring. Beware of falling into Mr. Wirthlin’s quote.

Affirmation: I pay attention to the beauty and people around me.

Coaching questions: What/who are you taking for granted? What can you do to change your behavior?

Looking For Peace

by Mershon Niesner

What we focus on expands. The more were complain, the worse things get. It’s a universal law. OprahWinfrey

Remember the last time you considered buying a red sedan and everywhere you looked there were red sedans? The same is true of negative thinking, negative social media, negative cable news…more, more, more and the worse things seem to us.

Even in our personal lives, the more we focus on the negative and complain, the worse things seem to get. My step mother, Sylvia, used to say, “This too shall pass.” And sure enough it did/does. Yesterday some friends and I were remembering Hurricane Irma and how it brought out the best in so many people…the compassion, the caring. It renewed in us the sense that the world is mostly filled with good, caring people who want to take care of their friends, neighbors, and even total strangers. Focusing on the positive brought each one of us a sense of peace and hope for the world.

Affirmation: I choose the positive.

Coaching questions: What outside sources are feeding you? What have you done lately that shows your compassion to another? On what are you focusing?

You Did What?

by Mershon Niesner

Confrontation is a healthy avenue for you to stand up for yourself and your beliefs–to be heard and not silenced by inaction or fear. From The Chopra Center newsletter, article by Melissa Eisler

I will admit it… confrontation is my Achille”s heel. I’m discovering that my childhood fear of abandonment which I have brought forward with me is the root of my difficulty with confrontation. The little girl inside of me thinks, “If I confront this person about what is making me angry, they will retaliate by emotionally abandoning me or, worse, leaving me altogether.” The irony is, if one doesn’t confront, resentment builds and physical or emotional leaving takes place because there was NO confrontation. So…my logical conclusion is, as difficult and scary as it may feel, constructive confrontation is worth it.

Being mindful of your beliefs, clearly communicating where you stand, and speaking with objectivity rather than letting your emotions drive your responses is a start.

Affirmation: I am able to confront when necessary.

Coaching questions: What keeps you from confronting? What is it costing you not to confront? What steps can you take to confront in a meaningful and mindful way?