Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

When Things Aren’t As They Seem

by Mershon Niesner

Much like love itself, St. Valentine and his reputation as the patron saint of love are not matters of verifiable history, but of faith. Lisa Bitel, Professor of History and Religion

Tomorrow, in the United States and England, people are celebrating Valentine’s Day, known as the day of love. However, Valentine’s Day began as a feast to celebrate the decapitation of a third-century Christian martyr, or perhaps two. St. Valentine wasn’t a patron of love. In fact, there were several Valentinus saints over the years, none of whom were particularly romantic.

According to historians, the romance part started with Chaucer, author of The Canterbury Tales who wrote about birds mating in February. Soon, nature-minded European nobility began sending love notes during bird-mating season. Industrialization took over by mass-producing cards and then Hersey and Cadbury stepped into the picture. And, as they say, the rest is history—or not.

Affirmation: I celebrate love.

Coaching question: How do you handle things that aren’t as they seem? 

Photo by Laura Ockel on Unsplash

How Good of a Listener Are You?

by Mershon Niesner

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert

February is considered the month of love and National Heart Healthy month. Speaking from the heart (hopefully a healthy one), it’s important to let the people in your life know that you are listening to what they say and hearing what they mean.

Here are ten things people generally love to hear, or questions they like to be asked – IF they are genuine and from the heart. (I thought these were worth repeating from a previous blog)

—I was thinking about you

—What do you think?

—I’m curious about ____, tell me more.

—I’m proud of you! 

—I miss you.

—I am praying for you.

—I really admire _____ about you. 

—I saw this _________ and it reminded me of you.

—Last time we talked you said ________, how’s that going?

—Thanks for being a special friend to me.

Affirmation: I listen.

Coaching question: What will help you think less about what people are thinking about you and more about expressing what you think about others?

Photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash

Learning To Say No

by Mershon Niesner

What you don’t do determines what you can do.  Tim Ferriss, author

Why do so many people find it difficult to say no? Here’s a list of possible reasons. See what resonates with you.

—To avoid confrontation. Few people want confrontation in their lives. Saying yes  is a way of appeasing a person who might be confrontational if they hear a no.

—To reduce the Fear of Missing Out. FOMO is a real thing. When we say no to something that we perceive others will say yes to, we activate anxiety caused by FOMO.

—Because we’re accustomed and programmed to saying yes. Without thinking about the consequences, many people immediately say yes when asked to do something then regret it later. A better answer might be, “Let me get back to you.”

—Wanting to please others. Like avoiding confrontation, needing to please others, even at their own expense, causes people to say yes to things they’d rather say no to. 

Affirmation: I will learn to say no when appropriate and pause before saying yes.

Coaching questions: If you have difficulty saying no, consider why. Try delaying your answer when asked to do something. 

Photo by Debby Urken on Unsplash

Who Will You Compliment Today?

by Mershon Niesner

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia, American author

When was the last time you received a compliment? When was the last time you gave a compliment? Perhaps it’s been too long. Research shows you can reliably increase your personal well-being by engaging in random acts of kindness toward others. Paying a compliment is one free and easy way to do this. And since this is National Compliment Day, it’s the perfect time to start. 

Compliments benefit the giver and the receiver. As Buscaglia suggests, an honest compliment has the potential to turn a life around. In addition, while your compliment is making a person feel good, it’s also making others want to be around you. In fact, giving compliments is a form of leadership and influence, because people love to be around positive people, and will be more likely to follow your example and listen to your ideas.

Affirmation: I will give at least two sincere compliments today.

Coaching questions: How graciously do you receive compliments? How easily do you give compliments? Examine how the two may be related. 

Photo by Kumpan Electric on Unsplash

Will We “Parish Together As Fools”?

by Mershon Niesner

What we are facing today is the fact that through our scientific and technological genius we’ve made of this world a neighborhood. And now through our moral and ethical commitment we must make of it a brotherhood. We must all learn to live together as brothers (and sisters)—or we will all perish together as fools. Martin Luther King, Jr. 1965 at Oberlin College

Where are we fifty-eight years after MLK, leader of the American civil rights movement, made this statement? If you Google MLK Day 2023, the first pages tell you what’s closed on this federal holiday. Scrolling down a ways, it does say, “On this day we celebrate the life and achievements of Martin Luther King Jr, an influential American civil rights leader.” 

Then there’s several more pages of what’s open and what’s closed. Finally, handsontwincities.org/mlkday2023 talks about how the day encourages us to volunteer to improve and strengthen our communities, bridge divisions, address social problems and move closer to Dr. King’s vision. Yes! I want to be prompted to make a difference—never mind that Walmart will remain open.

Affirmation: On this federal holiday I will make a commitment to do something that empowers others.

Coaching questions: What does Martin Luther King Day mean to you? How will you acknowledge this day?

Civil Rights March on Washington, D.C.  showing Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Mathew Ahmann in a crowd.

Did You Know It’s Rubber Ducky Day?

by Mershon Niesner

One is never alone with a rubber duck. Douglas Adams, English author

According to National Calendar Day, today is National Rubber Ducky Day. Who knew? The Sesame Street calendar, that’s who! Their 1973 calendar says that Rubber Duckie’s birthday is January 13th. A friend of Ernie and Big Bird, Duckie made his debut in a February 1970 episode. 

I think a good long bath with a rubber ducky, if you have one, is just the ticket for celebrating this auspicious day of the year. You in??

Affirmation: I will celebrate National Rubber Ducky Day with a smile on my face.

Coaching questions: How does this silliness resonate with you? Did/do you or your kids or grands have a a rubber ducky?

Photo by Jason Richard on Unsplash

(I think) I’m Ready For Change. Are You?

by Mershon Niesner

Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change. Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, author

When my late husband, Keith, literally dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of fifty three, I experienced first hand the “great and sudden change” Shelley is talking about. Tomorrow, however, my experience of change will be the happy kind and less sudden as we move from our home on Marco Island to a condo just over the bridge. 

This year, we’ll all experience change–hopefully not great and sudden but one never knows. Basic self-care practices—good sleep, healthy food, exercise, taking breaks— can help you navigate change more smoothly. “Start making small changes when you’re not stressed,” says psychiatrist Henry Emmons, MD, author of The Chemistry of Calm. “Think of it like exercise. If you’re trying to get in shape, you don’t try to do a month’s worth of workout in one day.”

The same is true when training yourself to deal with the stress response. The more you learn how to calm your mind when your stress is small, the better prepared you will be for the big change that will inevitably come your way. 

Affirmation: I am ready for this change in my life (I think).

Coaching questions: Consider how well you handle change. What will you do to prepare yourself now to handle change more effectively in the future? What difference might it make? 

Don’t Wait–Make Today “Someday”

by Mershon Niesner

The idea of potential is seductive because you never have to leave that fantasy. Âyodeji Awosika, author

“Someday I’ll figure out what I really want to do when I grow up,” says the sixty year old banker, the seventy-five year old grandmother, the twenty year old college graduate, the thirty year old attorney. The truth is, you probably know what you want to do, who you want to be, you’re just afraid to go there. You say to yourself, “I might fail, what will other people think, I will disappoint my parents, it will be too much work, I’m too old, I’m too young.”

It’s a new year, a new start, time to unravel the layers of judgment, rationalization, fear, and insecurity that are holding you back. Grab hold of your dream, your wish, your greatest desire and take a step to make it reality. Someday may never come but today is here. Have the courage to live how you want to live and be who you want to be. 

Affirmation: I am courageous.

Coaching questions: What do you want to be “when you grow up?” What’s keeping you from going there? What step will you take today to move forward? 

Photo by Senjuti Kundu on Unsplash

New Friends In The New Year!

by Mershon Niesner

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust, French novelist

This year, January tenth to be exact, we’re moving from a house on Marco Island to a condominium in Naples, Florida. With the condo offering shared space such as a gym, pool, party room, and social programs, I’m looking forward to cultivating new friendships.

Friends are VERY important to me. I’m not sure if this is because I was motherless at eight or because I’m an only child. Either way, for as long as I can remember, I’ve treasured and sought out friends in my life. I recently read that an eighty-year study at Harvard University scientifically found that one predictor of happiness is developing warmer relationships. Perhaps I’ve been on to something all along. 

If you’re a motherless daughter or a recent widow, I believe friendships are especially critical to your well-being. Friends help promote self-confidence as well as a sense of purpose and belonging—say nothing of bringing us joy and helping our souls to bloom.

Affirmation: I will endeavor to act with compassion and without expectation as I nurture my precious friendships and foster new relationships. 

Coaching questions: What do friendships mean to you? How to you meet new friends and nurture current relationships? Do you want to do more? 

Will You Embrace Discipline to Achieve Your Goals for 2023?

by Mershon Niesner

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. Jim Rohn, American entrepreneur

One of my accomplishments in 2022 was meeting my goal of publishing a second book, a historical fiction inspired by the life of my great grandparents who were Nebraska pioneers. 

I wrote the first draft during Covid isolation, spending many enjoyable afternoons on the Nebraska prairie in 1875. Not much discipline needed at this stage and virtually no distractions. Because of Covid, I had to delay my trip to the Sand Hills, the location of most of the book, until the summer of 2021. Spending time in the space was wonderful inspiration (I even stood in a real sod house). 

The real discipline began with the rewrite. This is where the rubber meets the road and an author has to doggedly go back line after line, chapter after chapter and bring the manuscript to life. Then there’s the phase where I had to make sure there were no spelling or grammatical errors. Every book is a labor of love backed by discipline.

Affirmation: I will embrace the discipline in order to achieve my goals.

Coaching questions: What are your goals for 2023? What would you like to accomplish by the end of next year? What discipline will it take to achieve your goal? Is it worth it?

Photo taken by the author in the approximate location of the novel.