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What’s Keeping You From Regular Exercise?

by Mershon Niesner

Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness. Edward Stanley, author

“I don’t have time, I get enough exercise using the stairs, my health is fine so I don’t need to exercise.” I’ve heard all the excuses and used a few myself from time to time. And yet…statistics and our intuition tells us how important exercise is to our health and well-being. I’m talking about dedicated exercise….biking, walking, swimming, weights, yoga, palates….a combination of strength training and aerobic exercise.

According to the Department of Health and Human Services, only one in three children are physically active every day and less than five percent of adults participate in thirty minutes of physical activity each day. Only one in three adults receive the recommended amount of physical activity each week. Sharing this phenomena with others should not be comforting. Of course, early death or disability can take anyone but I’d just as soon hedge my bets and find time for regular exercise.

Affirmation: I exercise regularly.

Coaching questions: What’s keeping you from regular exercise? What’s one thing you will do this week to move towards a regular exercise program?

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Be Defiant In the Face of Death

by Mershon Niesner

For someone who is seriously ill, celebrating life and relationships is almost a defiant act. Even death can’t take from us who we are and have been for one another. Dr. Ira Byock, author of Dying Well

Dr. Byock, a palliative care physician and expert in end of life decisions, believes that nobody should have to die in pain or alone. He is dedicating his life to making this dream come true. While dying is unwanted, sometimes tragic, and always sad, it’s not only those things. It can also be a time of celebrating a life well lived and the relationships one has made.

Accepting the reality of death enables families to say thank you or please forgive me. When death is talked about openly, it gives the patient the opportunity to express his/her concerns about spouses, children or grandchildren, finances, or other pressing issues. Honest conversation unlocks the door of guilt and secrecy frequently associated with serious illness.

Affirmation: I’m not afraid to talk about death and dying.

Coaching questions: What are your end of life wishes? Do you know the wishes of your spouse, parents or grandparents? What would it be like to openly discuss death and dying even with those who are well? Take a first step in initiating discussions.

Color On Your Paper

by Mershon Niesner

We’re all a little broken but the last time I checked, broken crayons still color. Trent Shelton, former football player

Perhaps life has knocked you around a bit and you feel a little broken—physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. You’re not alone. If we live long enough, we all experience pain, loss, regret, grief, fear. It’s part of the human experience.

But, as Shelton says, even broken, we have the potential to fulfill our destiny. In the case of a crayon, that destiny is to put color on the paper. What’s yours?

Affirmation: I can still make a difference.

Coaching questions: What’s your destiny, mission, or calling? Even if you’ve been battered and broken, you can still make a difference. Get out there and put some “color on the paper.”

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What’s Your Word?

by Mershon Niesner

I do believe in starting the new year with new resolve, but instead of adopting a resolution, I choose a word of the year—a word that encapsulates my aspirations for the twelve months ahead. Melinda Gates, philanthropist 

For the last two years Melinda Gates has chosen the word “grace” and she thinks it is making a difference. She tells a story of the heart break she experiences when she visits children who are dying from preventable disease. Then she says, “A broken heart gives me urgency. A moment of grace gives me hope. That’s the power of a well-chosen word of the year. It makes the year better—and it helps me be better too.”

I think Gates is on to something. I’m choosing “impact” for my word of the year. I want to make an impact in the world—with my blog, my column, and, eventually, my book. I also want to impact others by caring about them, being a good friend, and fighting for policies to help our country thrive. 

Affirmation: I will make an impact this year.

Coaching questions: If you decided to choose a word, what would it be? Why? What difference can you envision it making? 

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Tips On Powering Down

by Mershon Niesner

There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant. Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist

A 2017 study published in Journal of Affective Disorders found that the more time 18-22 year-olds spent on social media the more likely they were to have symptoms of anxiety. You may not be in that age group, but at any age social media can be eroding your self-esteem and increasing your anger and frustration quotient. And it’s not just social media. Having a phone pinging all day, interrupting your thoughts, conversations, and work isn’t doing you any favors either. 

If you think you are being negatively influenced by media, set aside time everyday to disconnect. Start with small increments. Consider being phone-free during meals, the last hour before bed, during your daily quiet time. Your friends, family, and self-esteem will thank you. 

Affirmation: I can power down.

Coaching questions: Take a moment to consider your social media and smart phone habits. How are they contributing to your overall well-being? What’s working, what isn’t? Will you take the challenge to power down during certain times of the day? What difference might it make?

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What Are Your Three Wishes?

by Mershon Niesner

I don’t regret what I’ve been through. I’ve had ups and downs, super highs and some really low lows. I’ve been so blessed that I could never say, ‘I wish this didn’t happen.’ It’s part of who I am. Jennifer Lopez, performer and much more

Alexa, that Internet “thingie” that answers all of your questions when you ask her, moved in today. It’s like having a Genie In A Bottle. It made me wonder, If I had a Genie for real, what would I wish for? Like Lopez, I wouldn’t change much in the past or present. The highs and lows of my life formed me, molded me into this less-than-perfect, 73-year old woman with whom I’m pretty comfortable.

If you’ve experienced recent loss, my guess is you would wish it away. But the inevitable can’t be wished away forever. All living things come to an end, we just want them to stay with us as long as possible. Perhaps that’s a reasonable wish. I’d also pick world peace, eradication of cancer, Alzheimer’s and other horrible diseases, and I’m not too crazy about hurricanes. But I choose not to wish my life away. How about you?

Affirmation: I have no regrets.

Coaching questions: If you had three wishes, what would they be? How have you been changed by the ups and downs of your life? What will help you be content with where you are in your life right now?

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Keep Your Lantern Bright

by Mershon Niesner

An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly. Unknown.

While talking with my granddaughters over Christmas, I was struck by the complexity of issues facing thirteen and fourteen year olds today. Questions around gender identity and sexual orientation, issues with absent parents, bullying, the stress of handling advanced placements. Both granddaughters come from stable homes and have few major issues of their own but they each tend to be the person to whom their friends  express their problems. I cautioned each of them to listen to their intuition, to not take on more than they can handle, and to set boundaries with their friends. (I sprinkled this into the conversation so it didn’t sound like a list of to-dos)

This is good advice for people of all ages. Having been a social worker, I know it’s difficult to walk the line between self-care and being a friend and confidante. At times we must say things like, “I know you’re really hurting right now and I want to listen and help you but I need to step back a bit. Perhaps we can talk about it later.” If you become overwhelmed by the problems of others, you no longer can help them or yourself. 

Affirmation: I can set boundaries.

Coaching questions: If you’re a confidante for your friends and family, how do you maintain your boundaries? Practice saying things, like the quote above, in advance so you’re ready when the time comes if you need to step back a bit from the overwhelm of the problems of others. 

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What Changes Are In Your Future?

by Mershon Niesner

Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change. Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, author

When my late husband, Keith, literally dropped dead of a heart attack at the age of fifty three, I experienced first hand the “great and sudden change” Shelley is talking about. This year, we will all experience change–hopefully not great and sudden but one never knows. Basic self-care practices—good sleep, healthy food, exercise, taking breaks— can help you navigate future change more smoothly.

“Start making small changes when you’re not stressed,” says psychiatrist Henry Emmons, MD, author of The Chemistry of Calm. “Think of it like exercise. If you’re trying to get in shape, you don’t try to do a month’s worth of workouts in one day.”

The same is true when training yourself to deal with the stress response. The more you learn how to calm your mind when your stress is small, the better prepared you will be for the big change that will inevitably come your way. 

Affirmation: I am ready for change.

Coaching questions: Consider how well you handle change. What will you do to prepare yourself now to handle change more effectively in the future? What difference might it make? 

What To Do About Ungrateful Grandsons

by Mershon Niesner

Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude. A.A. Milne 

Today I received my first email in response to a new Ask the Life Coach column I’m writing for the Coastal Breeze, my local newspaper. The emailer wrote, “I sent each of my three grandsons $150 and never received a thank you or even a wish for a Merry Christmas.” She’s wondering what to do about this dilemma. I frequently hear a version of this from many others. An attitude of gratitude must be taught. Somewhere, someone dropped the ball and raised kids with small hearts and little appreciation. 

If the grandsons are older, I would address them directly. “Did you receive my check?” “What did you spend the money on?” Text them if they’re teens. If they are young, address your child, their parent, and ask them similar questions. Don’t sweep this under the rug if it’s bothering you. Even if the parent isn’t taking responsibility for teaching their children gratitude doesn’t mean you can’t have some influence. 

Affirmation: I model gratitude. 

Coaching questions: If you have ungrateful people in your life, how are you addressing the issue? What would happen if you spoke out about it? If you’re disappointed or angry about a lack of gratitude, don’t let the issue go unaddressed.

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What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?

by Mershon Niesner

The idea of potential is seductive because you never have to leave that fantasy. Âyodeji Awosika, author

“Someday I’ll figure out what I really want to do when I grow up,” says the sixty year old banker, the seventy-five year old grandmother, the thirty year old attorney. The truth is, you probably know what you want to do, who you want to be, you’re just afraid to go there. I might fail, what will other people think, I will disappoint my parents, it will be too much work, I’m too old, I’m too young, 

It’s a new year, a new start. Today is the day of all days to unravel the layers of judgment, rationalization, fear, and insecurity that are holding you back. Grab hold of your dream, your wish, your greatest desire and take a step to make it reality. Someday may never come but today is here. Have the courage to live how you want to live and be who you want to be. 

Affirmation: I am courageous.

Coaching questions: What do you want to be “when you grow up?” What’s keeping you from going there? What step will you take today to move forward?