Tag: grief

Mixed Message

by Mershon Niesner

I waffled between being unable to even say the words ‘my mom died’ to then wanting to talk about nothing else but my dead mom. Kate Spencer, author, The Dead Moms Club, a memoir

I’m in the middle of reading Kate Spencer’s book, The Dead Moms Club. In addition to a terrific (in my opinion) writer, Kate is also a professional comedian and the combo is dynamite….think Amy Schumer meets seriously grieving daughter.

Her quote above about talking about mom versus not talking about mom is very common….I hear it frequently as I interview daughters, especially if their mother recently died. As caring friends and family, it puts us in a difficult position. Is today the day for talking or not? I say error on the side of  “talking about.” Not the pat, “How are you doing?” but things like, “I remember that time when we ……” People want to know that others remember too. My long-time friend, Leanne, recently shared a story about my mom that happened 64 years ago. It was a one sentence memory. That single line is in my book and in my heart. Your memories count. Share them.

Affirmation: I cherish and share my memories.

Coaching questions: Talking or not talking? What works for you? When you’re able, let your friends and family in on what you’re feeling.

7 Tips For Surviving Loss

by Mershon Niesner

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (July 8, 1926 – August 24, 2004),  Swiss-American psychiatrist, a pioneer in near-death, grief studies and author 

  1. Have no secrets – tell the truth, talk about your experience, use real words, acknowledge reality
  2. Get outside of yourself – serve others, volunteer
  3. Use affirmations – affirm yourself and your progress, state what you want and how you want to be
  4. Connect to a community – find others (on line or in person) who have had a similar experience 
  5. Seek therapy – don’t try to recover on your own if you’re struggling
  6. Be kind to yourself – honor your individual grief process, your anger, and your guilt
  7. Honor the person you have lost by working your way back to living life to the fullest

Affirmation: I have found my way out of the depths.

Coaching questions: If you’ve experienced loss, what tips might work for you? What will you do today to implement your choice? What difference might it make?