Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Feeling Joyless, Aimless, Stagnant or Empty?

by Mershon Niesner

It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. Adam Grant, journalist

The most-read New York Times article in 2021 was, “There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing” by Adam Grant. According to psychologists, the feeling exists somewhere between depression and flourishing. 

Feeling joyless, aimless, stagnant or empty? You may be languishing. I’m glad to have a term for what I frequently feel when my motivation and focus are dulled.

According to Grant, it may have been the dominant emotion of 2021. The term was coined by a sociologist named Corey Keyes, who was struck that many people who weren’t depressed also weren’t thriving. Scientists believe feelings associated with languishing are reaching record numbers due to the unexpected emotional long-haul of the pandemic. 

Grant recommends getting immersed in a project or other entertainment as a way to move forward. Identify what brings you joy then bring it into your life at least once a week. As the pandemic drags on into 2022, let’s do what we can to move from a year of languishing to a year of flourishing. 

Affirmation: I will flourish in 2022.

Coaching questions: Have you identified feelings of languishing? Does having a term for what you’re feeling and knowing that others are feeling the same, make a difference? What will you do to help yourself move forward? 

How’s Your Sleep These Days?

by Mershon Niesner

We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep.  William Shakespeare

Over the last two years, statistics show a dramatic increase in sleep disorders brought on by the upheaval of the pandemic. Whether this is your situation, or you find sleep problematic in general, here are a three tips you may not have considered.

1. Weighted blanket. These five to thirty pound (based on your body weight) blankets create, what occupational therapists call, “deep-pressure stimulation.” This is thought to reduce stress by putting your focus on physical sensations instead of what may be swirling in your head.

2. Melatonin. Experts suggest that melatonin signals the brain that it’s time to shut down for the night. The over-the-counter supplement is quite safe with minimal to no side effects for doses up to 10 milligrams.

3. Turn off your computer/phone before bedtime. Avoid what David Neubauer, MD, calls “doom-scrolling.” This is the aimless intake of negative headlines and social posts. Even if your Facebook feed doesn’t rile you up before you retire for the night, staring at the blue glow can inhibit melatonin secretion. 

P.S. Dr. Bhanu Kolla, Mayo Clinic’s Center for Sleep Medicine, thinks the negative content is much more detrimental than the light. 

Affirmation: I will sleep well tonight.

Coaching questions: If a good night’s sleep is eluding you, what will you do to help yourself? If the tips above don’t work for you, what else might you try—exercise, change of diet, evaluating your sleep environment and routine? 

Photo by Dominic Sansotta on Unsplash

Start The Year Right–With Gratitude!

by Mershon Niesner

The best gift—whose value to both giver and receiver will be priceless—is the gift of words straight from the heart. Oprah

Have you written your thank you notes yet? Wondering if a text or email will do? Questioning how late is too late to send it?

In my opinion, a thank you sent any way and any time is better than no thank you. Gratitude is a gift and, when it’s written, it lasts forever.

Why is a gratitude letter or thank you note so important and powerful? Sonya Lyubomirsky, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside thinks it comes down to three things. 

  1. Connection to the people you’re thankful to, because that’s what makes life worth living. 
  2. Humility, because when you express gratitude, you realize it’s not just about you. 
  3. Inspiration, because when you express gratitude to another person you want to prove yourself worthy of their efforts; you want to be a better person. 

Affirmation: I will write my thank you notes today.

Coaching question and consideration: What does gratitude (written or verbal) mean to you? Consider that gratitude produces joy, which produces more gratitude, which then produces more joy. 

Photo by Howie R on Unsplash 

Don’t Underestimate Your Power

by Mershon Niesner

Don’t underestimate your power. Hate is potent, but so is kindness. And goodness, and grace. Use yours generously. Oprah

I wrote this blog at the end of 2020. Now, at the close of 2021, we’re again in the midst of an active pandemic and it’s easy to feel powerless in the wake of continued psychological and physical chaos.

But, as Oprah says, “what I know for sure,” is how you treat every person in your sphere can and will make a difference. Don’t underestimate the power of goodness, kindness, and empathy. Don’t underestimate the power of modeling grace—to children and others. Do what you can to make 2022 a gentler, kinder year. 

Affirmation: I have power.

Coaching question: What one behavior will you change in 2022 to make a difference in our troubled world? 

Photo by Eyestetix Studio on Unsplash 

Are You Having a Blue Christmas?

by Mershon Niesner

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace. Agnes M. Pharo, author

My Christmas wish is that your cup may overflow and your path will lead to peace. For Christians the world over, Christmas has significance beyond gifts and glitter. Jesus’ birth and life are about love—God’s love for His creation.

If you’re feeling blue today, I hope, Dear Reader, you’ll find a slice of love and joy in the days to come. Please know that if you’re grieving, sad, or lonely— I’m thinking of you!

Affirmation: Someone cares about me.

Coaching questions: What will you do to acknowledge your sadness? OR How will you share your love and joy? Remember: This is one day out of 365. What’s your vision for tomorrow? 

Not Everyone Is Merry – Learn to Listen

by Mershon Niesner

Big emotions aren’t there to torture us. Rather, they show up to offer us some insight, to point out something that needs healing, or to help us address a deeper problem. Kate Hanley, author of How to Be a Better Person

The holidays are anything but merry for many people. When you speak with a friend who is struggling, resist trying to cheer them up. Instead, start with simply being present.

Listen. Let their words in. Say things like, “I hear you saying…” or “It sounds like…”. Hanley reminds us that jumping in to problem-solve or attempting to absolve their fear with toxic positivity may inhibit them from recognizing the insight that the emotion is trying to help them understand.” 

Affirmation: I will listen.

Coaching questions: If you’re the “friend” who is struggling, ask yourself, “What do I need?” Or, “What is a way forward?”

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash 

Can You Find the ME in Merry?

by Mershon Niesner

Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. Anne Lamott, American novelist

If you’re a woman, particularly if you’re a mother or grandmother, you’re closing in on THE week. The week of last minute gift buying, wrapping, baking, traveling, decorating, hosting—in short, creating the best Christmas possible for those you love. 

We want this to truly be a merry time. But, did you notice that there’s a ME in merry? Yep. How do you take care of the “me” while you’re making sure the holidays are as perfect as possible? If, by Christmas Day, the ME is bedraggled you’ve done too much for others and not enough for yourself. 

Affirmation: I will keep the ME in merry.

Coaching questions: How will you unplug this week? How much is enough? What will you do to keep the ME in MERRY?

Photo by Clint Patterson on Unsplash 

Learn To Trust Your Intuition

by Mershon Niesner

Trust your intuition. You don’t need to explain or justify your feelings to anyone, just trust your own inner guidance, it knows best. Anonymous

Today my husband and I declined an invitation to a party when we found out that the host couple are unvaccinated. The other guests plan to attend.

It’s not easy bucking the crowd but sometimes I just have to trust my intuition. No one thinks they’re going to get sick until they do. No one! So this year we’re playing it safe and saying “no” when we feel we need to. We missed being with our family for Christmas last year and we’re taking no chances this year. 

Affirmation: I trust my intuition.

Coaching questions: When have you trusted your intuition? What was the outcome?  What keeps you from listening to/trusting your intuition?

Photo by Edz Norton on Unsplash 

Are Holiday Parties Threatening To Sabotage Your Healthy Eating Plan?

by Mershon Niesner

Mindful eating is about awareness. When you eat mindfully, you slow down, pay attention to the food you’re eating, and savor every bite. Dr. Susan Albers, author, psychologist

I’m a couple of holiday parties down with several more festivities on my calendar. My Health Coach is helping me to be mindful about the party food including sugar, carbs, fat, and alcohol. In addition, I’m embracing these tips—are you with me?

  1. Don’t show up hungry. Eat something nutritious before the party and you’ll be less tempted. I plan to grab a few almonds, a spoonful of peanut butter, or a piece of fruit. 
  2. Be clear about your health goals. Now is a good time to review your plan. Mine plan is to lose weight by reducing my food consumption, eat more healthy protein, and maintain my exercise program. What are your intentions?
  3. Stay hydrated. Drinking water positively affects your overall health, your cognitive function, concentration and alertness. I will continue to start my day with a full glass of water then add at least seven more before dinner.  
  4. Enjoy. When you do indulge, notice what it is you are eating, be mindful of the texture and taste, and really enjoy the experience. If the first bite of a treat isn’t absolutely delicious, I plan to leave the rest. 

Affirmation: I will eat mindfully.

Coaching questions: What’s your holiday eating plan? What will you do to enjoy the season and take care of your health at the same time? 

Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash 

Are You A Procrastinator?

by Mershon Niesner

For decades, psychological research has been able to explain procrastination as a functioning problem, not a consequence of laziness. 

Procrastination isn’t about being lazy. Being curious about the underlying issues of procrastination, rather than judging the behavior, can be very helpful. For instance, delaying action can be a symptom of feeling that our action won’t be acceptable. 

Dithering may be a result of not knowing how to take the first steps or not having the innate capacity to divide a large project into smaller, manageable pieces. 

Before judging, consider that a person may seem to be procrastinating when they’re actually struggling with mental health issues or a difficult home environment. 

People don’t want to fail or disappoint. There are always barriers, whether we see them or not. 

Affirmation: I will take a deeper look at procrastination.

Coaching questions: Why do you procrastinate? How do you judge others who procrastinate? What’s a step you’ll take to discover the underlying cases of your procrastination? 

Photo by Magnet.me on Unsplash