Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Take A Moment To Be Still

by Mershon Niesner

It’s about the white spaces between the paragraphs, which I think are more important than any of the text. It allows you to think about what’s just been said. Fred Rogers, American television personality and much, much more

As a Life Coach, I was trained to recognize and encourage the white spaces, times when a question is asked and there is a long pause. I learned to be still, to let the responder think, and perhaps get uncomfortable with the silence. The same is true with the written word. Without paragraphs or chapter breaks the magnitude of words would overwhelm us. 

I’ve designed the affirmation and coaching questions in this blog to serve as white space. Say the affirmation aloud, sit with it a moment. As you read the coaching questions, be still and see what resonates. Being quiet is an important aspect of mental health and personal growth. Allow your body, soul, mind, and God to speak to you. Be still and listen.

Affirmation: I honor the stillness.

Coaching question/request: How do you view the white spaces in your life? With fear, contempt, joy? Take a moment to be still.

Lessons From Ariel

by Mershon Niesner

Who says that my dreams have to stay my dreams? Ariel in Little Mermaid

Last week, two of my grandkids (see photo) were in the musical, Little Mermaid. My grandson, Agostino, was the human, Prince Eric. My granddaughter, Marcella, was a seahorse with a surprising amount of stage time and lines. Watching the show got me wondering about the meaning. Here’s what I found.

—If you give up on your dreams, life can get boring. 

—If we try our best, we have a good chance of succeeding.

—Don’t let anyone take your voice away. Use your voice to make a difference!

—Cherish your friends. Do you have a Flounder, Sebastian or Scuttle in your life?

—Learn to think outside the box; like using a fork as a comb.

—Be curious! Explore and seek new knowledge everyday.

Affirmation: I will never give up on my dreams.

Coaching questions: What lessons have you learned from tv shows, movies, books, plays? What lessons from Little Mermaid speak to you?

Building Strength–One Adversity At A Time

by Mershon Niesner

There are uses to adversity, and they don’t reveal themselves until tested. Whether it’s serious illness, financial hardship, or the simple constraint of parents who speak limited English, difficulty can tap unexpected strengths. Sonia Sotomayor, Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States

I believe the growth spurts of my life have been when adversity has reared its ugly head. At times, the testing tapped into unexpected or latent strengths, as Justice Sotomayor suggests, and, at others, adversity created a Me who was stronger than before.

When I go to the gym, my exertion on the muscle building machines tears down my muscle so that, when it repairs itself, it is bigger and stronger. I believe this is what happens when life brings us challenges. We are temporarily torn only to grow again, stronger than ever.

Affirmation: I am strong.

Coaching questions: In what ways have you been tested? In what ways has the testing changed you?

How Will You Spend Your Day?

by Mershon Niesner

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. Annie Dillard, American author

I don’t have to tell you that life is precious and goes by fast. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to how we spend our time. Making good decisions about how we use our time is dependent on being clear about who we are and what’s important to us. It helps us eliminate what doesn’t matter. 

Big and small decisions are what keep us moving through our lives. Sometimes we use trial and error; other times we have a systematic approach. Either way, being clear about where we’re going and what’s important will keep us spending our days in a way that’s in tune with how we want to spend the years we have left.

Affirmation: I want to spend my limited time in a meaningful way.

Coaching questions: What are you putting your energy into? Do your actions honor your values?

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash 

Celebrating Women Who Provide Healing and Promote Hope

by Mershon Niesner

A woman is like a tea bag—you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt

Women’s History Month is a celebration of women’s contributions to history, culture and society and has been observed annually in the month of March in the United States since 1987.

The National Women’s History Alliance designates a yearly theme for Women’s History Month. The 2022 theme is “Women Providing Healing, Promoting Hope.” This theme is “both a tribute to the ceaseless work of caregivers and frontline workers during this ongoing pandemic and also a recognition of the thousands of ways that women of all cultures have provided both healing and hope throughout history.”

Affirmation: I am a woman who contributes.

Coaching question: How do you provide healing and promote hope?

Learning To Live With Loss

by Mershon Niesner

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose; all that we deeply love becomes a part of us. Helen Keller

(This is a repurposed blog from a few years ago but I thought the message important enough to repeat.)

Loss of a loved one is always difficult. It’s the price we pay for having a great love. However, we can be joyful again as we learn to accommodate to life after loss.

C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed likened accepting your life after loss to a man learning to walk after a leg has been amputated. Lewis writes, “The amputee may get along quite well, may even become facile and agile on crutches or on a carefully designed artificial limb. But the amputee must accommodate to permanent loss. He or she will never walk as before; repair does not mean a return to the way things were.”

Our life will never be as it was before our loss but those we love are always a part of us. 

Affirmation: I can learn to be joyful again after loss.

Coaching questions: How are you different after loss? In what ways have you accommodated to your loss? What will you do next? 

How Much Time Do You Spend On Your Phone?

by Mershon Niesner

The average American checks her phone 262 times a day. reviews.org

Two-hundred-sixty-two times a day!! Yikes! Tapping into all those news alerts, social posts, and texts comes at a big price. According to Johann Hari, author of Stolen Focus: Why You Can’t Pay Attention—and How to Think Deeply Again, cites research that it can take about 23 minutes to get back to the same level of attention we started with. 

The result? “We’re constantly living with profoundly degraded brainpower,” Hari writes. Suggestions on how to solve nomophobia (can’t be without my phone), a psychological condition that’s up for inclusion in the American Psychiatric Association’s handbook, include:

—Set a timer that signals it’s time to move away from your phone

—Install an app to block you from the internet for periods of time

—Lay your silenced phone upside down so you won’t be distracted by alerts on the screen

Lastly, connect to loved ones with your eyes! You’ll see clearly what matters most. 

Affirmation: I will be conscious of my phone time.

Coaching questions: Is time on your phone affecting your work or relationships? If you think you need to cut down on phone time, how will you accomplish this? When will you start?

Photo by Neil Soni on Unsplash 

Changing Bad Habits

by Mershon Niesner

’Tis easier to prevent bad habits than to break them. Benjamin Franklin

According to experts, about forty percent of our daily life is habitual action.

Gretchen Rubin, author of Better Than Before: Mastering the Habit of Our Everyday Lives, writes, “Habit is a good servant but a bad master.” In other words, habits can help us make positive change but they can also be saboteurs of our progress.

Often, the most effective way to adopt a new habit is to replace a bad one with a better one. Diverting a river is better than damming it up. Watch for triggers that might set you back including boredom and stress.

Affirmation: I can change my habits.

Coaching questions: What bad habit would you like to change? What good habit would you like to develop? What difference will it make in your life? Is the change powerful enough to pull you through at least sixty days of developing a new path? Commit to it. You can do this!

Ever Let Your Mind Wander?

by Mershon Niesner

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.  Anton Chekhov, author

Did you know that in the U.S.A., February’s full Snow Moon reaches peak illumination today? For the best view of this Moon, look for it tonight; it will drift above the horizon in the east around sunset and reach its highest point in the sky around midnight

The name, Snow Moon, obviously comes from the typically heavy snowfall that occurs in February in many parts of the U.S. 

Names for this month’s Moon have historically had a connection to animals. The Cree traditionally called this the Bald Eagle Moon or Eagle Moon. The Ojibwe Bear Moon and Tlingit Black Bear Moon refer to the time when bear cubs are born. 

Another theme of this month’s Moon names is scarcity. The Cherokee names of Month of the Bony Moon and Hungry Moon give evidence to the fact that food was hard to come by at this time.

Affirmation: Sometimes it’s fun to let our minds wander.

Coaching questions/request: What is peaking your interest today? Do you allow time for your mind to wander into new territory? Be grateful if tonight’s moon isn’t Hungry Moon for you.

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash 

Bring On The Tears!

by Mershon Niesner

Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness. Steve Maraboli, author 

“Crying activates the body in a healthy way,” says Stephen Sideroff, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at UCLA and director of the Raoul Wallenberg Institute of Ethics. “Letting down one’s guard and one’s defenses and [crying] is a very positive, healthy thing. The same thing happens when you watch a movie and it touches you and you cry… That process of opening into yourself… it’s like a lock and key.”

This must be good news for those of you who are prone to tears. Growing up in a “stoic” family environment, for me tears have always felt like a show of weakness and I avoid them if possible. However, there’s nothing as satisfying as a good cry when watching a sad or heartfelt movie alone. Or, an Olympic athletic realizing her lifelong dream. 

Affirmation: Crying is a healthy thing. 

Coaching questions: How do tears (your own and other’s) affect you? When do you give yourself permission to cry?

Photo by Javier Martínez on Unsplash