Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Living A Meaningful Life When Our Bodies Decline

October 5, 2021 by Mershon Niesner

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. Helen Keller, author

Dr. Robert Butler, the first director of the National Institute on Aging, estimated that the ability to define your life’s meaning adds to your life expectancy. His study found that individuals who had something meaningful to get up for in the morning, lived longer and were sharper than those who did not.

Sometimes our goals have to change with our abilities. Quilting may replace time spent rigorously weeding a garden. Teaching active children may step aside as you write your memoir. I’m reminded of Helen Keller and Stephen Hawking. Physical challenges need never be a factor as we define ourselves, live meaningful lives, or contribute to society.

Affirmation: I will find ways to live a meaningful life.

Coaching question: What will you do to continue to live a meaningful life as you age?

Photo by Adam Nieścioruk on Unsplash

Looking To Have More Joy In Your Life?

October 1, 2021 by Mershon Niesner

I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy. Rabindranath Tagore, author

Perhaps you’ve worked through much of your grief and you’re hoping to regain more joy in your life but have found it to be elusive.

If this is true for you, here are a few ways you might look for joy:

—Check out who’s in your corner. If you want to rediscover joy, it’s important to have supportive people around you. Friends and family who have empathy but won’t coax you back onto the “ain’t it awful” train. Friends who will encourage you to move in a positive direction.

—Reach out and help others. Those times when we are joyless and in need emotional support are the times when helping others will mean the most. It sounds counterintuitive but it works.

—Get rid of the “shoulds” in your life. Do what you want to do, be who you want to be. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop beating yourself up. Be kind and gentle with yourself and you’ll be rewarded.

—Have an attitude of gratitude. You might feel less than grateful about the circumstances of your life. However, finding something for which you can be grateful everyday will help you return to feelings of satisfaction, joy, and peace.

Affirmation: I will find joy in my life.

Coaching questions: How might you find more joy in your life? What has worked in the past? What’s one thing you’re grateful for?

Reframing our stories

September 27, 2021 by Mershon Niesner

Reframing is a term from cognitive psychotherapy which simply means seeing something in a new way, in a new context, with a new frame around it. Elaine Aron, author

At a recent, online, author event, I spoke with a woman who had lost her mother as a child. Now, in mid-life, she’s losing her precious step-mother to Alzheimer’s.

She and her sister are devastated by the prospect of losing two, beloved mothers. Their attitude, however, is keeping them positive and strong. She said, “We tell each other how lucky we’ve been to have two mothers who loved us so much. Our sadness comes from an abundance of love.”

Affirmation: I will reframe my life experiences.

Coaching question: What message do you need to reframe?

Are you feeling stress, envy, or jealously? Sometimes it’s hard to tell

September 24, 2021September 24, 2021 by Mershon Niesner

Is it possible that the stress you’re feeling is actually envy? Kristin Neff, PhD, co-author of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook writes, “Envy is an unconscious defense mechanism against a threat to our self-esteem.”

Since, according to Dr. Neff, envy is unconscious, it can be difficult to detect. “Envy frequently masquerades as stress, sadness, anger, jealousy, or resentment.” Social media is a fertile breeding ground for envy which, if left unchecked, can be a destructive force.

Envy is different from jealously. Jealousy typically involves a fear that someone will take something from us, while envy is coveting something that belongs to someone else.

Affirmation: I will learn to differentiate and understand my feelings.

Coaching question: What helps you understand what you’re feeling? How does knowing help you move on?

Photo by Pro Church Media on Unsplash

How do you deflect unsolicited advice?

September 20, 2021 by Mershon Niesner

The true secret of giving advice is, after you have honestly given it, to be perfectly indifferent whether it is taken or not, and never persist in trying to set people right. Henry Ward Beecher, American clergyman and social reformer

Advice is one of those things we like to give but, rarely, like to receive. Here are a couple of ideas on how to deflect unwanted advice.

—If the advice is unwanted, there’s no need to explain why their idea won’t work or why you don’t want to do it. Instead, take the focus off yourself and switch it to the person who’s giving the advice.

—Be genuinely inquisitive. Say something like, “So tell me more about that? Why do you think that’s a good idea for me?”

—To draw the conversation to a close you might say, “I appreciate that you want to help me. I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet but I’ll consider your advice.”

—When you approach advice with curiosity, you make the advice-giver feel respected. And, you never know, as you dig deeper, you might find a useful nugget.

—As you show appreciation, the advice itself becomes less important than the fact that you’ve acknowledged their effort to be helpful out of their concern for you.

Affirmation: I can respectfully deflect unwanted advice.

Coaching questions: What kind of unwanted advice do you receive? How do you handle it? How might you handle unwanted advice with more respect?

Photo by Sammy Williams on Unsplash

KINDNESS BEGETS KINDNESS–THANK THE KIND CANADIANS

September 13, 2021 by Mershon Niesner

No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted. Aesop

Three years ago, I spent 9/11 in Halifax, Nova Scotia and learned that forty aircraft carrying 8,000 passengers were diverted to Halifax Stanfield International Airport after the attacks. By evening, all 8,000 had a bed in which to sleep. Halifax accepted the greatest number of aircraft of any airport and was the first major airport to have all diverted flights back in the air. This city of kind Canadians opened their hearts and homes in a time of need.

In Halifax Narrows, on December 6, 1917, two cargo ships collided causing a massive explosion (the largest prior to the atomic bomb) that killed 2,000 people and injured 9,000. The town was demolished. Our kilt-wearing, Scottish guide told us about the generous response of Americans who sent trains with supplies, building materials, and personnel to help. He said, “On 9/11, we were honored to have the opportunity to return the kindness we had been shown by Americans so many years earlier.” And so it goes…kindness begetting kindness.

Affirmation: I am kind.

Coaching question: In what way are you part of the circle of kindness?

Photo by Ian Haywood Bacon on Unsplash

Remembering through service

September 11, 2021 by Mershon Niesner

If we learn nothing else from this tragedy, we learn that life is short and there is no time for hate. Sandy Dahl, wife of Flight 92 pilot, Jason Dahl

Today, we remember the 2,977 people who were killed during the 9/11 coordinated terrorist attacks. The day is also dedicated to community service.

President Obama said, “Even the smallest act of service, the simplest act of kindness, is a way to honor those we lost, a way to reclaim that spirit of unity that followed 9/11.”

Affirmation: I remember and honor through service.

Coaching questions: What is one small act of service or kindness you will provide to help reclaim the spirit of unity? How does your service/kindness enrich your life?

Photo by Magnus Olsson on Unsplash

fall — a time to clean out

September 8, 2021 by Mershon Niesner

Fall feels like a good time for cleaning out—closets, gardens, activities. I’m using the check list below to evaluate how I want to spend my life.

1. Listen to my intuition (if you’re a person of faith, listen to what God has to say).

In the past when I’ve attended meetings or participated in events, did I feel some inner angst? Author and activist, Parker Palmer, writes, “Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am.”

2. Check in with my values.

Do my activities/memberships line up with my values? I’m asking myself, “Is this who I really am? Is this who I want to be?”

What I’ve scheduled, should bring me a sense of joy and/or accomplishment.

3. Choose things that matter.

Greg McKeown, author, writes, “If it’s not a clear ‘yes,’ then it’s a clear ‘no’.” He also writes, “If you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.”

Ever notice when you don’t have clarity about what you want to do, who you want to be, or how you want to make a difference, someone swoops in and answers those questions for you as they nudge you into their own agenda? I’m going to choose rather than default.

4. Joy matters.

Two points on my list include—make more time for lunch with girlfriends and develop more couple relationships. Sometimes, making a difference means being a friend and cultivating a joyful spirit.

Affirmation: I’m starting fresh.

Coaching questions: What do you need to clean out? Do your values line up with your activities? What do you want to add/subtract?

Photo by Ethan Hoover on Unsplash

What’s Keeping You From Pushing the Pause Button?

September 5, 2021 by Mershon Niesner

Labor Day was enacted into federal law in 1894. It’s nice to think of the day as a national pause day. As a nation, we are choosing to take a timeout from our busy work life and making a collective effort to have some fun. Dr. Perry, from his blog MakeItUltra

It’s Labor Day in the United States. If you’re a working person, I hope you’re enjoying a day off. If you’re a working person without the day off, I hope you get a break soon.

Americans leave 658 million vacation days on the table every year. More than half of American workers leave vacation time unused. The United States is the only developed country in the world without a single, legally required, paid vacation day or holiday. By law, every country in the European Union has at least four work weeks of paid vacation.

Research shows that workers who take time off are more productive, mentally alert, healthier, and have greater work satisfaction.

Affirmation: It’s ok to hit the pause button.

Coaching questions: What’s keeping you from taking vacation days? Do you see value in making a change?

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash