Life after losing a mother

Where Does Your Joy Hide?

January 30, 2019January 30, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Find the place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joseph Campbell, American Professor of Literature

Do you ever wake up and wonder where the joy went? Once in a while I do. I’m naturally a joyful person but there are those days when I have to remember all the things for which I’m thankful and the abundant joys in my life. I’ve used Mr. Campbell’s quote before because I love it. We have to look inside and find where the joy is hiding. I trust it is there.

On the flip side, it’s just fine not to be joy-filled everyday. We all have dark days, literally and figuratively. Just thinking of my friends and family in the Arctic blast in the Chicago area makes me feel grateful that our temperature right now is literally eighty degrees warmer than their frigid reading. In addition to that bit of gratitude, I cheered myself up by looking at this scene I captured a few weeks ago. Memories bring joy also.

Affirmation: The joy is inside.

Coaching question: What gives you joy? How do you handle days that are joy-less?

A Random Act of Kindness

January 29, 2019January 29, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Small acts of kindness toward acquaintances and strangers offer great health benefits and make us feel more secure. Frank Lipman, MD, pioneer of functional medicine

Yesterday, I witnessed a random act of kindness in a parking lot. Just before I arrived to meet up with my Smoking Pots (a cooking group) friends, one of them tripped and fell. She’s on blood thinners so she was bleeding more than usual from her knee and had a bruise developing on her wrist. A stranger immediately came to her aid, helped her up while another stranger ran to the grocery store for frozen peas to stop the bruising.

I was concerned and feeling bad for my friend (she’s ok and came to lunch with us) but my heart sang to have the confirmation that there are good people in the world who are ready to help a stranger. Dr. Lipman says that an act of kindness can shift us out of our single point of view and away from our personal problems into a shared experience. For a moment, we remember that we’re all in this together.

Affirmation: I’m ready to offer kindness.

Coaching questions: How would you feel if you helped to a stranger? How does being helped make you feel? Look for ways to offer random acts of kindness.

The Joy of Books and Book Clubs

January 28, 2019January 28, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Books are a uniquely portable magic. Stephen King in On Writing

If you know me or have been reading my blogs, you know how much I love to read. I’ve been in book clubs since I retired fifteen years ago. Serious book clubs where we each read the book, have a discussion leader with great questions, and look for hidden meanings and recognize beautiful language.

I’ve read books I would have never read on my own. Once in a while I read a book I don’t like but later I’m glad I did because it pushed me out of my comfort zone and opened my eyes to something different. My next book club selection is Where the Crawdads Sing, a beautifully written book with a powerful story. Judy, a retired teacher and talented discussion leader, will help us discover new insights and come away with greater appreciation of the author, Delia Owens. What a joy!

Affirmation: Books and books clubs enhance my life.

Coaching questions: If you’d like to be in a book club, check out your local library or start one yourself. If you have no time for reading, consider audible books while you’re doing errands or working out. How do/might books enhance your life?

What’s Your Backup Plan?

January 27, 2019January 27, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

In a remote bunker deep in the Arctic Circle, the Svalbard Global Seed Vault holds the world’s future.

I know many in the United States are in the deep freeze this morning. So, I figured you can look out your windows and imagine Svalbard, Norway, an archipelago about 650 miles from the North Pole. This is home of the Global Seed Vault which stores and protects nearly a million food-seed varieties. These seeds will enable us to grow food in the wake of a human or natural disaster.

American scientist, Cary Fowler, known as the father of the bank, spearheaded something concrete to prepare for an unknown future. The seeds represent stability for our crops and hope for a future including 48,000 kinds of beans and 162,000 types of rice from all over the world.

Affirmation: I prepare for the future.

Coaching questions: What have you done to prepare for a crisis’ in your future? Financial savings, exploration of care facilities, a will, etc. To have peace of mind, prepare for the unexpected to the extent of your ability.

einar-storsul-663469-unsplash Svalbard, Norway

Outcome of Unexpected Loss

January 26, 2019January 26, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected. Julius Caesar

On August 10, 2000, Keith, my presumably healthy, fifty-three-year-old husband of ten months, dropped dead of a heart attack. Caesar’s quote rang true. However, after losing a mother at age eight, I grew up with the reality that bad things happen unexpectedly.

Jamais Cascio, author and futurist, writes, “Resilience is all about being able to overcome the unexpected. Sustainability is about survival. The goal of resilience is to thrive.” Perhaps this resilience is one positive outcome for those of us who have experienced unexpected loss.

Affirmation: I can handle the unexpected.

Coaching questions: How do you handle the unexpected? What will help you develop greater resilience for life’s surprises?

A New Look At Procrastination

January 25, 2019January 25, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

For decades, psychological research has been able to explain procrastination as a functioning problem, not a consequence of laziness.

Procrastination isn’t about being lazy. Being curious about the underlying issues rather than judging the behavior can be very helpful. For instance, procrastination can be a symptom of feeling my attempts will not be good enough or acceptable. They may be a result of not knowing how to take the first steps or not having the innate capacity to divide a large project into smaller, manageable pieces. Perhaps a person seems to be procrastinating when they are actually struggling with mental health issues or a difficult home environment.

People don’t want to fail or disappoint. There are always barriers, whether we see them or not.

Affirmation: I will take a deeper look at procrastination.

Coaching questions: Why do you procrastinate? How do you judge others who procrastinate? What’s a step you’ll take to discover the underlying causes of your procrastination?

How to Move Your Creativity to the Next Level

January 24, 2019January 24, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it. Pablo Picasso

Yesterday I watched the 1996 movie, Surviving Picasso, starring Anthony Hopkins and Natascha McElhone. It made me wonder about the bad behavior of so many famous creatives and also what separates the greats from everyone else. As I researched this, I learned that those who are great innovators like daVinci, Johannes Kepler, Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, have a wide knowledge base to support their creativity.

This means constant learning from beyond your comfort zone. Constructive discomfort. Learning to draw analogies from one body of knowledge to another isn’t easy. Creating something that has never been done before is challenging and requires constant work, learning, and perseverance. We may not turn out to be Picassos but we can learn to be true creatives.

Affirmation: I am creative.

Coaching questions: Are you willing to endure “constructive discomfort” to enhance your creativity? What area of knowledge are you sitting on the edge of that you need to embrace? What are your creative goals? What would it mean to you to achieve them?

Be Informed!

January 23, 2019January 23, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

The less he understands something, the more firmly he believes in it. Wilhelm Reich, psychoanalyst

We are trying to finalize approval for an Micro CCRC on our island. This is a facility for seniors with independent living apartments, assisted living, and memory care. We are an island of retirees and how wonderful it would be to stay in the environment we know as we age. There is opposition, of course, and most of it seems to stem from mis-information that is then promoted on yard signs and by word of mouth.

Reich’s quote about understanding less and being more adamant about a decision seems to be running rampant lately. I support those who speak out and speak up on any topic. However, being informed and knowing the facts is paramount whether the subject is a senior living facility on a small island or climate change affecting the globe.

Affirmation: I am informed.

Coaching questions: What are you championing? How do you stay informed? How do you separate fact from fiction? If there is something you feel passionate about? Get informed then get busy.

Four Places to Look For Joy

January 22, 2019January 22, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joseph Campbell, American Professor of Literature

When a person is grieving, it is hard for them to imagine finding joy again in their life. It may take a while to rediscover who you are and what makes you happy. Look beyond your fears and insecurities of the present. Hiding there is joy.

Check out who is in your corner. If you’re rediscovering joy, it’s important to have supportive people around you. Friends and family who will not get on the “ain’t it awful” train with you but help you move in a new direction.
Reach out and help others. Those times when we need emotional help the most are the times when helping others will mean the most to us. It sounds counterintuitive but it works.
Get rid of the “shoulds” in your life. Do what you want to do, be who you want to be. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop beating yourself up. Be kind and gentle to yourself and you’ll be rewarded.
Have an attitude of gratitude. You might feel less than grateful in the midst of sadness or grief. However, finding something for which you can be grateful everyday will help turn your life around.

Affirmation: I know where joy lives.

Coaching questions: If you’re looking for more joy in your life, what will you do today to help yourself move towards change? Is finding more joy worth the effort? I know one thing for sure—you’re worth it! You deserve joy in your life.

“What Are You Doing For Others?” MLK

January 21, 2019January 21, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King Jr.

I had a difficult time choosing a MLK quote on this day that we celebrate his birth. His words of love not hate, action, justice, and his saying, “What are you doing for others?” are all significant, memorable, and meaningful. Great teachers show up in our world but it seems we learn so little. The hate, injustice, selfishness persists.

We may not have the stature nor the faith-fired strength of Dr. King but we can make a difference. We have a voice. Consider what this one man started. One voice, one person’s action can stir the winds towards positive change.

Affirmation: I can make a difference.

Coaching questions: What cause or injustice matters to you enough that you will speak up and speak out about it? What’s holding you back? Your voice is significant.