Blog

New Friends In The New Year!

by Mershon Niesner

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust, French novelist

This year, January tenth to be exact, we’re moving from a house on Marco Island to a condominium in Naples, Florida. With the condo offering shared space such as a gym, pool, party room, and social programs, I’m looking forward to cultivating new friendships.

Friends are VERY important to me. I’m not sure if this is because I was motherless at eight or because I’m an only child. Either way, for as long as I can remember, I’ve treasured and sought out friends in my life. I recently read that an eighty-year study at Harvard University scientifically found that one predictor of happiness is developing warmer relationships. Perhaps I’ve been on to something all along. 

If you’re a motherless daughter or a recent widow, I believe friendships are especially critical to your well-being. Friends help promote self-confidence as well as a sense of purpose and belonging—say nothing of bringing us joy and helping our souls to bloom.

Affirmation: I will endeavor to act with compassion and without expectation as I nurture my precious friendships and foster new relationships. 

Coaching questions: What do friendships mean to you? How to you meet new friends and nurture current relationships? Do you want to do more? 

Will You Embrace Discipline to Achieve Your Goals for 2023?

by Mershon Niesner

Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. Jim Rohn, American entrepreneur

One of my accomplishments in 2022 was meeting my goal of publishing a second book, a historical fiction inspired by the life of my great grandparents who were Nebraska pioneers. 

I wrote the first draft during Covid isolation, spending many enjoyable afternoons on the Nebraska prairie in 1875. Not much discipline needed at this stage and virtually no distractions. Because of Covid, I had to delay my trip to the Sand Hills, the location of most of the book, until the summer of 2021. Spending time in the space was wonderful inspiration (I even stood in a real sod house). 

The real discipline began with the rewrite. This is where the rubber meets the road and an author has to doggedly go back line after line, chapter after chapter and bring the manuscript to life. Then there’s the phase where I had to make sure there were no spelling or grammatical errors. Every book is a labor of love backed by discipline.

Affirmation: I will embrace the discipline in order to achieve my goals.

Coaching questions: What are your goals for 2023? What would you like to accomplish by the end of next year? What discipline will it take to achieve your goal? Is it worth it?

Photo taken by the author in the approximate location of the novel.

Honoring the Winter Solstice

by Mershon Niesner

May the light illuminate your hearts and shine in your life every day of the year. May everlasting peace be yours and upon our Earth. Eileen Anglin, author

Today is  the day when one of the Earth’s poles has its maximum tilt away from the sun. It is the day with the least sunlight and marks the beginning of winter in the Northern Hemisphere. For thousands of years, people have celebrated the solstice. 

Tonight, I’ll make a Viking Toast which is also an ancient solstice tradition. Here are the elements: 

—Boast of something you are proud of from the past year (Publishing my book, The Bootmaker’s Wife, TODAY)

—Toast a person you’d like to honor (Volodymyr Zelenskyy for his determination in the face of war)

—Make a promise for the year ahead (To fully embrace my new home)

Affirmation: I honor the Earth by celebrating the Winter Solstice.

Coaching questions: What will you boast about, who will you toast, what promise will you make? 

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Are You Giving Gifts of Love?

by Mershon Niesner

True generosity is an offering; given freely and out of pure love. No strings attached. No expectations. Time and love are the most valuable possessions you can share. Suze Orman, author, financial advisor

’Tis the season of giving. There are “duty gifts” and “love gifts.” We give both. The greatest gifts are those given freely with no attachment. No expectations. As Suze says,”True generosity is an offering.” I take this to mean offering as in the biblical sense, a sacrifice. 

Humans are inherently insecure creatures. The accumulation of things offers us a sense of security. This is why giving out of love gives us such a feeling of satisfaction and joy. In addition to all those duty gifts you’re buying, consider giving at least one love gift with no strings attached. Spend your money, your time, or use your talents—all are gifts. 

Affirmation: I give out of love.

Coaching questions: What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? What’s the best gift you’ve ever given? What gift of love will you give this season?

Photo by Kateryna Hliznitsova on Unsplash

All I Want For Christmas Is An Apology!

by Mershon Niesner

When you forgive, you free your soul. But when you say I’m sorry, you free two souls. Donald L. Hicks, author

When families gather for the holidays, misunderstandings and angry words often mar the joy. If someone you care about tramples on your feelings, here are a couple of tips to help you elicit an apology or move on. 

—Sometimes a rupture is caused by miscommunication or misunderstandings that can be clarified. Ask for clarity.

—Consider writing a letter expressing your feelings about what she/he said. Perhaps this person is unaware of the pain she caused you. In the letter tell her what you would like to hear in the way of an apology and what she can do to make amends. Everyone has their own “apology language” and it’s helpful to let others know what works for you. 

—If the offensive words or action were completely out of the ordinary, you might consider this a one time lapse and wipe the slate clean.

—Try viewing the unkindness as a mystery. Ask yourself, “I wonder what was going on in this person’s life that temporarily derailed her?” As you do this, consider this story—A commuter was enraged when a woman in an SUV stopped abruptly to get something in the back seat, almost causing an accident. He didn’t know the driver’s infant was choking. 

—Wonder if this person can’t apologize because she has such deep feelings of low self-worth that her fragile ego can’t absorb the blow of admitting she was wrong. If you suspect this is true, tap into your empathy and compassion. Remind yourself that beneath her stubborn exterior, she’s incredibly vulnerable.

I’m sure some of these suggestions won’t resonate with your particular situation but, as a Life Coach, we’re trained to help you “throw spaghetti against a wall and see what sticks.” Yep, I actually heard that phrase in my coach training and it has been a useful tool in helping clients solve problems.

Affirmation: I will metaphorically throw spaghetti and get to the bottom of my angry feelings and quest for an apology. 

Coaching questions: If you’re looking for an apology and haven’t received it, what tip will you use to help you find closure? What’s your apology language? What do you want to hear and how do you express regret?

Photo by Krista Stucchio on Unsplash

Lest We Forget!

by Mershon Niesner

Remember Pearl Harbor, never again. The Pearl Harbor motto.

LEST WE FORGET—On the morning of December 7, 1941 there was a surprise military attack on Pearl Harbor, a U.S. naval base in Hawaii. The battle was the tipping factor that convinced the United States to enter into World War II.

As we remember this event, we celebrate the ultimate triumph of the human spirit. However, no matter the result, war is always brutal and ugly. It’s estimated that 50 MILLION people died in the war worldwide. My dad, who served in both WWII and the Korean conflict, hated all war. He spent his civilian career working in a Veterans’ Hospital and witnessed the ongoing human devastation of war everyday. 

I pray that as we honor those who lost their lives defending our freedom, we learn from our past. If only the motto were true—never again.

Affirmation: I remember.

Coaching questions: How do you connect to this day in history? What contribution can you make to “never again?”

Photo by Q on Unsplash

Death Is Inevitable!

by Mershon Niesner

It is better to learn early of the inevitable depths, for then sorrow and death can take their proper place in time, and one is not afraid. Pearl S. Buck, author

As the author of a book about loss, I’m a member of several on-line groups for folks who have experienced loss. It seems that many of these participants are completely surprised by the fact that someone died; that they are now orphans, or their elderly (or not so elderly) parent or other close relative has died. Many say they don’t want to continue living without this person in their life. 

Perhaps it’s time for someone to say, “Death is inevitable!” Hopefully, you believe in some kind of after life (Heaven works for me), but life as you and I know it on this planet will end—even your mother’s and father’s. In fact, parents hope their children outlive them. 

So, if you’re reading this blog because you have recently experienced loss, I empathize with your pain. But know that you’re not alone. If we live long enough, we ALL experience loss. In fact, it speaks to the fact that we are blessed with life. 

Affirmation: I have come to terms with the fact that death is inevitable.

Coaching questions: How can you incorporate this universal, if painful, truth into your life? How will it help you be less afraid (as Buck suggests)? 

Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash

Lest We Forget!

by Mershon Niesner

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow

Between the crosses row on row. 

From the WWI poem “In Flanders Field”, written by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, M.D. while serving on the front lines in 1915.

On May 13, 1938, a Congressional Act was approved declaring November 11 a day to be dedicated to the cause of world peace and to be thereafter celebrated and known as Armistice Day. On September 27, 1920, the poppy became the official flower of The American Legion to memorialize the soldiers who fought and died during WWI. 

By the 1950s, millions of Americans had served in World War Two and in the Korean War. So, in an attempt to be more inclusive and honor this younger generation of veterans’ service, Armistice Day was changed to Veterans Day on June 1, 1954.

This Friday, November 11, we have the opportunity to honor all veterans and rededicate ourselves to the cause of world peace as we consider those white crosses strewn across fields of red poppies years ago in France and Belgium. 

Affirmation: I remember!

Coaching questions: Who will you think of and honor on this Veteran’s Day? What will you do to work towards world peace? 

Remember—

The torch; be yours to hold it high.

If ye break faith with us who die

We shall not sleep, though poppies grow

In Flanders fields. 

A Day When We Get It Right

by Mershon Niesner

Halloween, a day when we get it right. Strangers come to us—beautiful, ugly, scary—and we accept them without question, compliment them, treat them kindly and give them good things. Why don’t we live like that? Steve Garnass-Holmes, retired pastor

I love this metaphor for living with love and acceptance. With hatred growing at an unprecedented rate in the United States, we need a simple reminder to be kind to our neighbors, to those who don’t look like us, and to people who are in need of “good things.”

Whether or not you have trick or treaters today, I hope you’ll take this Halloween message to heart.

Affirmation: I am kind.

Coaching question: How will you translate this message into November first and beyond?

Photo by Łukasz Nieścioruk on Unsplash

What Reminds You to Stay True to Yourself?

by Mershon Niesner

Dragonflies are reminders that we are light and we can reflect light in powerful ways if we choose to do so. Robyn Nola, artist and believer in the power of affirmation

In almost every part of the world, the dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. The dragonfly’s body and wings are iridescent which is associated with the discovery of one’s abilities and getting in touch with our true identity. 

Discovering and embracing who we truly are is an integral part of our maturity. A friend of mine who is a recovering alcoholic has a dragonfly tattoo on her arm as a symbol of her transformation. To her the dragonfly stands for hope, change, and love. A powerful daily reminder that she embraces change and remains true to herself.

Affirmation: I am true to myself. 

Coaching questions: In what ways have you changed and become more of your true self in recent years? What symbol would you use to prompt you to reflect light and embrace self-realization? 

Photo by Ashish Khanna on Unsplash