Tag: guilt

Don’t Be Blind-Sighted By Bubble-Ups

by Mershon Niesner

So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good. Helen Keller

A woman I spoke with who had lost her mother years ago called her sudden memories of her mother “bubble-ups.” One bubble-up for her was, “My mother had many friends, sometimes I wonder where they were after she died.” One of my bubble-ups is when the University of Nebraska football team takes the field. In that moment, I can’t help but shed a tear because I feel the presence of my beloved dad.

We are frequently blind-sighted by our bubble-ups. A memory suddenly assails us and brings tears, anger, or guilt. Be patient with yourself as the memory comes and goes. “Tis the season for bubble-ups.

Affirmation: I accept my memories as they come. 

Coaching questions: What “bubble-ups” have you experienced? How have you handled them? If necessary, reframe them from annoying to precious.

Are You A Procrastinator?

by Mershon Niesner

Nothing is so fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task. William James, American philosopher and psychologist, offered the first psychology course in the United States.

Procrastination is a common ailment. As James suggests, procrastination is fatiguing and can keep us from being our best selves. Procrastination often happens when we fear or have anxiety about the important task awaiting us. To get rid of the negative feeling, we procrastinate and move on to something more pleasurable. We may feel better temporarily but reality returns with a vengeance. Shame and guilt can ensue. 

Sometimes, as we procrastination (I’m writing this blog in order to put off editing my book), we actually accomplish things. Some people procrastinate to the point of urgency which is the only way they get difficult or important things done. One of the important things you can do as a procrastinator is to forgive yourself because procrastination is linked to negative feelings. Remember—you don’t have to be in the mood to do a task, sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do it. 

Affirmation: I get important things done in a timely way.

Coaching questions: What is one thing you procrastinate about? What is something you can do to break the cycle and get things done at the appropriate time? 

Everyone Needs a Tugboat

by Mershon Niesner

Be someone’s security blanket when theirs is in the wash. Richelle E. Goodrich, author

On a recent cruise up the east coast from New Jersey to Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada, we saw several tugboats at work. Tugs push or pull vessels restricted in a narrow canal or crowded harbor. They also help ships that are unable to move by themselves such as barges or disabled ships.

We all need a virtual tugboat in our life when we are in a “narrow” place or “crowded” with negative thoughts and feelings. We especially need the tug of a strong arm to help us with we feel unable to move forward on our own or we’re disabled by grief or guilt.

Affirmation: I accept the help of tugboats in my life.

Coaching question: Who are the tugboats in your life? When have you been a tugboat in the life of another?

IMG_2550