Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Take a Moment to Share Your Story

by Mershon Niesner

We are lonesome animals. We spend all of our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say—and to feel—‘Yes, that is the way it is, or at least that is the way I feel.’  You’re not as alone as you thought. —John Steinbeck, author

Not only does sharing important stories from our past help us feel less lonesome, as Steinbeck says, it also helps us move forward after challenging life events. As a friend listens, nods, understands, or personally relates to our story, we feel validated. We begin to understand how our experience is not only meaningful to us but also to another person. 

In addition to sharing with trusted indivIduals, invite storytelling into your groups. Use a “Getting to Know You” question or share a story related to the topic at hand. This can happen in book clubs, Bible studies, planning committees, wherever caring people congregate. Tell your stories and invite others to do the same. 

Affirmation: I benefit from telling my story.

Coaching questions: To whom can you tell your mother loss story? What difference will it make?

Photo by Abo Ngalonkulu on Unsplash 

What Does National Freedom Day Mean To You?

by Mershon Niesner

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves, and, under a just God, cannot long retain it. Abraham Lincoln, letter to H.L. Pierce, April 6, 1859.

Today is National Freedom Day in the United States. It’s the day we celebrate freedom from slavery, and recognize America as a symbol of liberty. On this day, Abraham Lincoln signed a joint House and Senate resolution that later became the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

In a time when our voting rights are being restricted, some public school districts are questioning whether to teach the truth about our history, and books dear to our hearts are being banned in schools and libraries, National Freedom Day takes on renewed significance.

Affirmation: I support freedom..

Coaching questions: Why does freedom mean to you? What will you do to protect your freedom? 

Social History Archives

Another Definition of Meek

by Mershon Niesner

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

I’ve always wondered about Matthew 5:5 which is part of the Beatitudes and Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. The dictionary definition of “meek” is: A person who is quiet, gentle, easily imposed on; submissive. 

Since experts widely agree that the New Testament was written in Greek, I considered a Greek definition of meek. The Greek word for meek is praus (prah-oos). Used in a sentence, it sheds a bit of light on my dilemma. 

For example, when a horse passed the conditioning required to be considered a war horse, its state was described as praus or meek. The horse had “power under authority” or “strength under control.” The horse had been conditioned to withstand the rigors and noises of battle under the authority of its rider without losing power or determination. 

When we become conditioned to the point of becoming praus by overcoming our adversities, we gain power under authority. Those of us who are believers, consider that authority to be God. 

Affirmation: I am meek.

Coaching question: What strength have you gained from your training through adversity? How have you “gained power under authority?” 

Finding Meaning In Loss

by Mershon Niesner

Discovering positive meaning in the loss of a loved one can be a way of honoring them. Quinton Skinner, author 

Discovering and recounting positive stories that have emerged from the loss of a loved one may not erase our pain. However, positive stories like, “I became more independent after the early death of my mother” or “I became more empathetic to the losses of others” may help us find meaning in loss. 

David Kessler, who worked closely with Kubler-Ross and is the author of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, believes that you can’t have meaning without hope.

We often hear of parents, and others, who establish charities in honor of their lost loved ones. Why? Because this helps them attach meaning to the loss. Meaning, in turn, gives the bereaved hope. The heart may never be the same but it can return to joy, hope, and meaning.

Affirmation: When I’m ready, I will search for meaning in my loss.

Coaching questions: How will you find meaning in your loss? What meaning have you already found?

Reminder: Your loss isn’t a gift, a lesson, a test, or something to handle. 

Four End of the Day Questions to Ask Yourself

by Mershon Niesner

Self-reflection is like anything else in life: Small and consistent beats grandiose and occasional.  Bahram Akradi, CEO of Life Time

Already struggling with the goals you set for yourself for 2022? Accessing your progress on a daily basis will help keep you on track. Without daily assessment, you miss the opportunity to make adjustments when they’re small. 

As in business, when we constantly access, we can spot negative and positive trends and solve problems before they get out of hand. When we resist accessing honestly and often, trouble spots have a way of becoming acceptable habits.

Akradi suggests asking yourself a few basic questions at the end of the day:

  • Where did I do some good or make some progress today?
  • Where did I let myself or others down?
  • What can I do to keep my good habits going?
  • What can I do to address any negative triggers or trends before they get out of hand? 

Affirmation: To achieve my goals, I will develop a system to routinely access my progress. 

Feeling Joyless, Aimless, Stagnant or Empty?

by Mershon Niesner

It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. Adam Grant, journalist

The most-read New York Times article in 2021 was, “There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing” by Adam Grant. According to psychologists, the feeling exists somewhere between depression and flourishing. 

Feeling joyless, aimless, stagnant or empty? You may be languishing. I’m glad to have a term for what I frequently feel when my motivation and focus are dulled.

According to Grant, it may have been the dominant emotion of 2021. The term was coined by a sociologist named Corey Keyes, who was struck that many people who weren’t depressed also weren’t thriving. Scientists believe feelings associated with languishing are reaching record numbers due to the unexpected emotional long-haul of the pandemic. 

Grant recommends getting immersed in a project or other entertainment as a way to move forward. Identify what brings you joy then bring it into your life at least once a week. As the pandemic drags on into 2022, let’s do what we can to move from a year of languishing to a year of flourishing. 

Affirmation: I will flourish in 2022.

Coaching questions: Have you identified feelings of languishing? Does having a term for what you’re feeling and knowing that others are feeling the same, make a difference? What will you do to help yourself move forward? 

How’s Your Sleep These Days?

by Mershon Niesner

We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep.  William Shakespeare

Over the last two years, statistics show a dramatic increase in sleep disorders brought on by the upheaval of the pandemic. Whether this is your situation, or you find sleep problematic in general, here are a three tips you may not have considered.

1. Weighted blanket. These five to thirty pound (based on your body weight) blankets create, what occupational therapists call, “deep-pressure stimulation.” This is thought to reduce stress by putting your focus on physical sensations instead of what may be swirling in your head.

2. Melatonin. Experts suggest that melatonin signals the brain that it’s time to shut down for the night. The over-the-counter supplement is quite safe with minimal to no side effects for doses up to 10 milligrams.

3. Turn off your computer/phone before bedtime. Avoid what David Neubauer, MD, calls “doom-scrolling.” This is the aimless intake of negative headlines and social posts. Even if your Facebook feed doesn’t rile you up before you retire for the night, staring at the blue glow can inhibit melatonin secretion. 

P.S. Dr. Bhanu Kolla, Mayo Clinic’s Center for Sleep Medicine, thinks the negative content is much more detrimental than the light. 

Affirmation: I will sleep well tonight.

Coaching questions: If a good night’s sleep is eluding you, what will you do to help yourself? If the tips above don’t work for you, what else might you try—exercise, change of diet, evaluating your sleep environment and routine? 

Photo by Dominic Sansotta on Unsplash

Start The Year Right–With Gratitude!

by Mershon Niesner

The best gift—whose value to both giver and receiver will be priceless—is the gift of words straight from the heart. Oprah

Have you written your thank you notes yet? Wondering if a text or email will do? Questioning how late is too late to send it?

In my opinion, a thank you sent any way and any time is better than no thank you. Gratitude is a gift and, when it’s written, it lasts forever.

Why is a gratitude letter or thank you note so important and powerful? Sonya Lyubomirsky, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside thinks it comes down to three things. 

  1. Connection to the people you’re thankful to, because that’s what makes life worth living. 
  2. Humility, because when you express gratitude, you realize it’s not just about you. 
  3. Inspiration, because when you express gratitude to another person you want to prove yourself worthy of their efforts; you want to be a better person. 

Affirmation: I will write my thank you notes today.

Coaching question and consideration: What does gratitude (written or verbal) mean to you? Consider that gratitude produces joy, which produces more gratitude, which then produces more joy. 

Photo by Howie R on Unsplash 

Don’t Underestimate Your Power

by Mershon Niesner

Don’t underestimate your power. Hate is potent, but so is kindness. And goodness, and grace. Use yours generously. Oprah

I wrote this blog at the end of 2020. Now, at the close of 2021, we’re again in the midst of an active pandemic and it’s easy to feel powerless in the wake of continued psychological and physical chaos.

But, as Oprah says, “what I know for sure,” is how you treat every person in your sphere can and will make a difference. Don’t underestimate the power of goodness, kindness, and empathy. Don’t underestimate the power of modeling grace—to children and others. Do what you can to make 2022 a gentler, kinder year. 

Affirmation: I have power.

Coaching question: What one behavior will you change in 2022 to make a difference in our troubled world? 

Photo by Eyestetix Studio on Unsplash 

Are You Having a Blue Christmas?

by Mershon Niesner

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace. Agnes M. Pharo, author

My Christmas wish is that your cup may overflow and your path will lead to peace. For Christians the world over, Christmas has significance beyond gifts and glitter. Jesus’ birth and life are about love—God’s love for His creation.

If you’re feeling blue today, I hope, Dear Reader, you’ll find a slice of love and joy in the days to come. Please know that if you’re grieving, sad, or lonely— I’m thinking of you!

Affirmation: Someone cares about me.

Coaching questions: What will you do to acknowledge your sadness? OR How will you share your love and joy? Remember: This is one day out of 365. What’s your vision for tomorrow?