Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Don’t Be Afraid to Cry

by Mershon Niesner

Think of all the incredible things we didn’t get to hear because someone was scared we would see them cry. Jennifer Palmieri, author

In her book, Dear Madam President, Palmieri writes an open letter to the women who she thinks will run the world someday. One piece of advice Palmieri gives potential women leaders is to show up as women. In other words, don’t try to immolate men. Be who you are. 

Palmieri also writes, “Think of all the times you have heard someone say they passed on sharing something that was particularly moving because they didn’t think they could get it out without crying. That’s a shame.” 

I’m one of  those women who rarely cries. I know I’m holding back a part of myself that might be valuable to others. Some of our most important communications are through tears. Even business and world leaders need to show their emotions. I fondly remember the times I’ve seen presidents and burly football players cry.

Affirmation: My tears are a special part of me.

Coaching questions: What have you held back because you were afraid of crying? What difference might you make if you show more vulnerability?

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Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

Learn to “Walk” Again

by Mershon Niesner

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose; all that we deeply love becomes a part of us. Helen Keller

Loss of a loved one is always difficult. It’s the price we pay for having a great love. However, we can be joyful again as we learn to accommodate to life after loss.

C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed likened accepting your life after loss to a man learning to walk after a leg has been amputated. Lewis writes, “The amputee may get along quite well, may even become facile and agile on crutches or on a carefully designed artificial limb. But the amputee must accommodate to permanent loss. He or she will never walk as before; repair does not mean a return to the way things were.”

Our life will never be as it was before our loss. But, those we love are always a part of us as we learn to “walk” again. 

Affirmation: I can learn to be joyful again after loss.

Coaching questions: How are you different after loss? In what ways have you accommodated to your loss? What do you have left to do? 

 

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Photo by Jeremy Vessey on Unsplash

Three Steps to Being An Effective Healthcare Advocate

by Mershon Niesner

The good physician treats the disease, the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. William Oster, Canadian physician

At one time or another, we all assume the role of healthcare advocate. Whether we are advocating for ourselves, a parent, or a child, we need to get the attention of and be respected by our physicians. Here are a three tips to help you accomplish this.

  1. Be prepared. Make a list of questions, symptoms, or other pertinent information prior to your appointment with the doctor. Keep it short and to the point.
  2. Ask for a second opinion if necessary. Abby Norman, author of Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women’s Pain, writes, “Listen to your body and, if you insist that others listen too, eventually you’ll find someone who will.”
  3. Seek out the hospital’s patient advocacy system. An advocate will help you navigate not only the institution’s system, they will work with your medical team to make sure your requests are honored. 

Affirmation: I can be an effective health advocate.

Coaching questions: Do you feel that your doctor listens to you and respects what you say? If not, find a new doctor before you have a health emergency. If you have aging parents, how are you preparing to be their advocate in the future? 

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Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

The Joy of Reading

by Mershon Niesner

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go. Dr. Seuss

I confess. I love to read—magazines, books, newspapers. Just in case I have other Readers reading this blog, I’d like to share a few of my favorite books from the last few months.

Non-fiction:

The Book of Joy by The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Becoming by Michelle Obama

On Writing by Stephen King

Make Your Bed by Admiral McRaven

Fiction:

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

The Girl Who Wrote In Silk by Kelli Estes

The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane by Lisa See

Books written by author friends:

Naga Queen by Pauline Hayton

One Dead, Two To Go by Elena Hartwell

 Mozart’s Starling by Lyanda Lynn Haupt

Return of the College of Trivial Knowledge by Robert A. Nolan, PhD

Affirmation: Books open my mind and my world.

Coaching question and request: What’s on your book list? If you’re not a reader, I challenge you to read at least one book this month. I promise you—you’ll be glad you did. IMG_2799.jpg

We Are Family

by Mershon Niesner

You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them. Desmond Tutu

My daughter, Winnie, and her three daughters arrive today from New York City for a visit. Her husband will join them tomorrow. It’s their first visit to our beautiful island and we will have a great time swimming, beach combing, and dolphin exploring. 

I’ve recently discovered another member of my larger family through the DNA testing 234andMe. Leah is a young woman adopted from Russia and is 92% Russian. She lives in Ohio and is a very distant cousin. As an only child with few relatives, it’s exciting to meet a new relation. When you think about it, we are all related at some level. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could embrace each other and take a “beach day?”

Affirmation: Family means so much.

Coaching questions: Who do you call family? What do they mean to you? Are you open to newcomers? This week, tell a family member what they mean to you.

 

Let Your Habits Be Your Servants

by Mershon Niesner

’Tis easier to prevent bad habits than to break them. Benjamin Franklin

About forty percent of our daily life is habitual action. Brushing our teeth, making our bed, drinking coffee, going for a morning walk, checking social media. When, where, what and how much we eat and even how we interact with our friends and family—all largely based on habits. According to Gretchen Rubin, author of Better Than Before: Mastering the Habit of Our Everyday Lives, “Habit is a good servant but a bad master.” Habits can help us make positive change but they can also be saboteurs of our progress.

Often the most effective way to adopt a new habit is to replace a bad one with a better one. Diverting a river is better than damming it up. Watch for triggers that might set you back including boredom and stress. Commit to at least sixty days to establish a new habit. 

Affirmation: I can change my habits.

Coaching questions: What bad habit would you like to change? What good habit would you like to develop? What difference will it make in your life? Is the change powerful enough to pull you through sixty days of establishing a new path? Commit to it. You can do this!

Is Your “Baggage” Packed Away or Scattered?

by Mershon Niesner

Keeping baggage from the past will leave no room for happiness in the future. Wayne Misner, author

Maria Kondo, 34, is a Japanese organizing consultant, author, and host of Netflix show Tidying Up. Her books have sold millions and have been translated into many languages. Apparently, clutter has no geographical boundaries. Kondo says, “When you put your house in order, you put your affairs and your past in order too. As a result, you can see quite clearly what you need in life and what you don’t, and what you should and shouldn’t do.” 

As a Life Coach, I find Kondo’s theory somewhat simplistic. I applaud the “getting rid of clutter” aspect. However, from my experience, a tidy house does not equate to a tidy mind. Clearing up the dark spaces, clutter, and cobwebs of our past takes dedicated internal work—frequently with a therapist, counselor, or coach. A clutter-free environment is a great first step. After that is accomplished, keep walking the, sometimes difficult, road to finding peace in your heart, mind, and soul.

Affirmation: I am working on me and my environment.

Coaching questions: What will you do to put your external and internal house in order? What’s one step you will take this week?

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Tell Your Story to Another Lonesome Animal

by Mershon Niesner

We are lonesome animals. We spend all of our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say—and to feel—‘Yes, that is the way it is, or at least that is the way I feel.’  You’re not as alone as you thought. John Steinbeck, author

Sharing your mother loss story with a trusted person is a first step towards recovery. Not only does sharing important stories from our past help us feel less lonesome, as Steinbeck says, it also helps us move forward after challenging life events. As a friend listens, nods, understands, and perhaps, relates to our story, we feel validated. We begin to understand how our experience was not only meaningful to us but also to another person. 

Invite storytelling into groups in which you participate. Use a Getting to Know You question or share a story related to the topic at hand. This can happen in book clubs, Bible studies, planning committees, wherever caring people congregate. Tell your stories and invite others to do the same. 

Affirmation: I benefit from telling my story.

Coaching questions: To whom can you tell your story? What difference will it make?

 

You Won’t Believe What I Just Did…

by Mershon Niesner

I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. Augusten Burroughs, American writer

I find people who can laugh at themselves very attractive. Self-deprecating individuals have enough self-esteem to make fun of their flaws, speak  honesty, and make me laugh. While these folks are tickling my funny bone, they are doing something good for themselves as well. Experts link self-deprecating humor with increased levels of optimism and an opportunity to be perceived as more lovable and approachable.

Laughing at ourselves introduces a little cheer into our otherwise serious world and lets others know it’s okay to be imperfect.

Affirmation: I can laugh at myself.

Coaching questions: Do you have a personal flaw or social faux pas story you tell on yourself? How do people respond to you? How do you perceive people who can laugh at themselves?

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If You’re a Romantic–Don’t Read This

by Mershon Niesner

Much like love itself, St. Valentine and his reputation as the patron saint of love are not matters of verifiable history, but of faith. Lisa Bitel, Professor of History and Religion

Today, in the United States and England, people are celebrating Valentine’s Day, known as the day of love. However, Valentine’s Day began as a feast to celebrate the decapitation of a third-century Christian martyr, or perhaps two. St. Valentine wasn’t a patron of love. In fact, there were several Valentinus saints over the years, none of whom were particularly romantic.

According to historians, the romance part started with Chaucer, author of The Canterbury Tales who wrote about birds mating in February. Soon, nature-minded European nobility began sending love notes during bird-mating season. Industrialization took over by mass-producing cards and then Hersey and Cadbury stepped into the picture. And, as they say, the rest is history—or not.

Affirmation: I celebrate love.

Coaching question: How do you handle things that aren’t as they seem? 

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