Author: Mershon Niesner

White privilege is an absence of the consequences of racism. An absence of structural discrimination, an absence of your race being viewed as a problem first and foremost. Reni Eddo-Lodge, author

White Privilege in the United States doesn’t mean your life isn’t hard, can’t be hard, or was never hard. It means the color of your skin will never be a factor in what’s causing your difficulties. 

If you’ve never had the opportunity to talk honestly with a friend of another race living in the U.S., perhaps you haven’t had the chance to explore the consequences of White Privilege. You may even think it is political mumbo jumbo. Even though I’m Caucasian, I know White Privilege is happening all around us. We need to be awake to the consequences. When we see systems that are hurting or hindering others because of the color of their skin, we need to stay focused on their plight and make our voices heard. 

Affirmation: I’m awake to the plight of others.

Coaching questions: If you’re Caucasian, consider what White Privilege means in your life? If you are a person of color, help your white friend or colleague understand what not being white in the U.S. has meant in your life? 

Photo by William Felker on Unsplash 

What we focus on expands. The more were complain, the worse things get. It’s a universal law. OprahWinfrey

Remember the last time you considered buying a red sedan and everywhere you looked there were red sedans? The same is true of negative thinking. 

Even in our personal lives, the more we focus on the negative and complain, the worse things seem to get. My step mother, Sylvia, used to say, “This too shall pass.” And sure enough it did/does. Yesterday some friends and I were remembering Hurricane Irma and how it brought out compassion in so many people. It renewed in us the sense that the world is mostly filled with good, caring people who want to help their friends, neighbors, and even total strangers. Focusing on the positive brought each of us a sense of peace and hope for the world.

Affirmation: I choose the positive.

Coaching questions: What outside sources are feeding you? What have you done lately that shows your compassion to another? On what are you focusing?

Photo by Zain Saleem on Unsplash

Think of all the incredible things we didn’t get to hear because someone was scared we would see them cry. Jennifer Palmieri, author

In her book, Dear Madam President, Palmieri writes an open letter to the women who she thinks will run the world someday. One piece of advice Palmieri gives potential women leaders is to show up as women. In other words, don’t try to immolate men. Be who you are. 

Palmieri also writes, “Think of all the times you have heard someone say they passed on sharing something that was particularly moving because they didn’t think they could get it out without crying. That’s a shame.” 

I’m one of  those women who rarely cries. I know I’m holding back a part of myself that might be valuable to others. Some of our most important communications are through tears. Even business and world leaders need to show their emotions. I fondly remember the times I’ve seen presidents and burly football players cry.

Affirmation: My tears are a special part of me.

Coaching questions: What have you held back because you were afraid of crying? What difference might you make if you show more vulnerability?

Photo by Luis Galvez on Unsplash

What we have once enjoyed we can never lose; all that we deeply love becomes a part of us. Helen Keller

Loss of a loved one is always difficult. It’s the price we pay for having a great love. However, we can be joyful again as we learn to accommodate to life after loss.

C.S. Lewis in A Grief Observed likened accepting your life after loss to a man learning to walk after a leg has been amputated. Lewis writes, “The amputee may get along quite well, may even become facile and agile on crutches or on a carefully designed artificial limb. But the amputee must accommodate to permanent loss. He or she will never walk as before; repair does not mean a return to the way things were.”

Our life will never be as it was before our loss. But, those we love are always a part of us as we learn to “walk” again. 

Affirmation: I can learn to be joyful again after loss.

Coaching questions: How are you different after loss? In what ways have you accommodated to your loss? What do you have left to do? 

Photo by Jeremy Vessey on Unsplash

The good physician treats the disease, the great physician treats the patient who has the disease. William Oster, Canadian physician

At one time or another, we all assume the role of healthcare advocate. Whether we are advocating for ourselves, a parent, or a child, we need to get the attention of and be respected by our physicians. Here are a three tips to help you accomplish this.

1. Be prepared. Make a list of questions, symptoms, or other pertinent information prior to your appointment with the doctor. Keep it short and to the point.
2. Ask for a second opinion if necessary. Abby Norman, author of Ask Me About My Uterus: A Quest to Make Doctors Believe in Women’s Pain, writes, “Listen to your body and, if you insist that others listen too, eventually you’ll find someone who will.”
3. Seek out the hospital’s patient advocacy system. An advocate will help you navigate not only the institution’s system, they will work with your medical team to make sure your requests are honored. 

Affirmation: I can be an effective health advocate.

Coaching questions: Do you feel that your doctor listens to you and respects what you say? If not, find a new doctor before you have a health emergency. If you have aging parents, how are you preparing to be their advocate in the future? 

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go. Dr. Seuss

I confess. I love to read—magazines, books, newspapers. Just in case I have other Readers reading this blog, I’d like to share a few of my favorite books from the last few months.

Non-fiction:

The Book of Joy by The Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu

Becoming by Michelle Obama

On Writing by Stephen King

Make Your Bed by Admiral McRaven

Fiction:

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

The Girl Who Wrote In Silk by Kelli Estes

The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane by Lisa See

Books written by author friends:

Naga Queen by Pauline Hayton

One Dead, Two To Go by Elena Hartwell

 Mozart’s Starling by Lyanda Lynn Haupt

Return of the College of Trivial Knowledge by Robert A. Nolan, PhD

Affirmation: Books open my mind and my world.

Coaching question and request: What’s on your book list? If you’re not a reader, I challenge you to read at least one book this month. I promise you—you’ll be glad you did. 

You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them. Desmond Tutu

My daughter, Winnie, and her three daughters arrive today from New York City for a visit. Her husband will join them tomorrow. It’s their first visit to our beautiful island and we will have a great time swimming, beach combing, and dolphin exploring. 

I’ve recently discovered another member of my larger family through the DNA testing 234andMe. Leah is a young woman adopted from Russia and is 92% Russian. She lives in Ohio and is a very distant cousin. As an only child with few relatives, it’s exciting to meet a new relation. When you think about it, we are all related at some level. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could embrace each other and take a “beach day?”

Affirmation: Family means so much.

Coaching questions: Who do you call family? What do they mean to you? Are you open to newcomers? This week, tell a family member what they mean to you.