Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Is Your “Baggage” Packed Away or Scattered?

by Mershon Niesner

Keeping baggage from the past will leave no room for happiness in the future. Wayne Misner, author

Maria Kondo, 34, is a Japanese organizing consultant, author, and host of Netflix show Tidying Up. Her books have sold millions and have been translated into many languages. Apparently, clutter has no geographical boundaries. Kondo says, “When you put your house in order, you put your affairs and your past in order too. As a result, you can see quite clearly what you need in life and what you don’t, and what you should and shouldn’t do.” 

As a Life Coach, I find Kondo’s theory somewhat simplistic. I applaud the “getting rid of clutter” aspect. However, from my experience, a tidy house does not equate to a tidy mind. Clearing up the dark spaces, clutter, and cobwebs of our past takes dedicated internal work—frequently with a therapist, counselor, or coach. A clutter-free environment is a great first step. After that is accomplished, keep walking the, sometimes difficult, road to finding peace in your heart, mind, and soul.

Affirmation: I am working on me and my environment.

Coaching questions: What will you do to put your external and internal house in order? What’s one step you will take this week?

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Tell Your Story to Another Lonesome Animal

by Mershon Niesner

We are lonesome animals. We spend all of our life trying to be less lonesome. One of our ancient methods is to tell a story begging the listener to say—and to feel—‘Yes, that is the way it is, or at least that is the way I feel.’  You’re not as alone as you thought. John Steinbeck, author

Sharing your mother loss story with a trusted person is a first step towards recovery. Not only does sharing important stories from our past help us feel less lonesome, as Steinbeck says, it also helps us move forward after challenging life events. As a friend listens, nods, understands, and perhaps, relates to our story, we feel validated. We begin to understand how our experience was not only meaningful to us but also to another person. 

Invite storytelling into groups in which you participate. Use a Getting to Know You question or share a story related to the topic at hand. This can happen in book clubs, Bible studies, planning committees, wherever caring people congregate. Tell your stories and invite others to do the same. 

Affirmation: I benefit from telling my story.

Coaching questions: To whom can you tell your story? What difference will it make?

 

You Won’t Believe What I Just Did…

by Mershon Niesner

I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. Augusten Burroughs, American writer

I find people who can laugh at themselves very attractive. Self-deprecating individuals have enough self-esteem to make fun of their flaws, speak  honesty, and make me laugh. While these folks are tickling my funny bone, they are doing something good for themselves as well. Experts link self-deprecating humor with increased levels of optimism and an opportunity to be perceived as more lovable and approachable.

Laughing at ourselves introduces a little cheer into our otherwise serious world and lets others know it’s okay to be imperfect.

Affirmation: I can laugh at myself.

Coaching questions: Do you have a personal flaw or social faux pas story you tell on yourself? How do people respond to you? How do you perceive people who can laugh at themselves?

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If You’re a Romantic–Don’t Read This

by Mershon Niesner

Much like love itself, St. Valentine and his reputation as the patron saint of love are not matters of verifiable history, but of faith. Lisa Bitel, Professor of History and Religion

Today, in the United States and England, people are celebrating Valentine’s Day, known as the day of love. However, Valentine’s Day began as a feast to celebrate the decapitation of a third-century Christian martyr, or perhaps two. St. Valentine wasn’t a patron of love. In fact, there were several Valentinus saints over the years, none of whom were particularly romantic.

According to historians, the romance part started with Chaucer, author of The Canterbury Tales who wrote about birds mating in February. Soon, nature-minded European nobility began sending love notes during bird-mating season. Industrialization took over by mass-producing cards and then Hersey and Cadbury stepped into the picture. And, as they say, the rest is history—or not.

Affirmation: I celebrate love.

Coaching question: How do you handle things that aren’t as they seem? 

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Connecting Heart to Heart Worldwide

by Mershon Niesner

It may be long before the law of love will be recognized in international affairs. The machineries of government stand between and hide the hearts of one people from those of another. Gandhi

I want to give a shout out to my international blog readers and followers. Just this month I’ve had visitors from Ireland, South Africa, Canada, Costa Rica, United Kingdom, Germany, India, Finland, and Slovenia, to name a few. This international readership motivates me to write in a universal language with topics of interest to readers from different cultures, governments, faiths. 

Thank you, my international friends, for your interest in what this seventy-three-year-old grandma in southwest Florida, USA has to say. I pray that this experience is a microcosm of what the world can be for all. With our governments pushed aside, we can continue to open our hearts to one another. 

Affirmation: I embrace the world.

Coaching questions: What keeps you connected to the larger world? What difference does it make? 

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Girlfriends, chocolate, champagne

by Mershon Niesner

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate. Charles Dickens

Girlfriends, chocolate, and champagne—what a great combination! This afternoon I’m going to a Smoking Pots (my cooking group) event. Each of us brings a dish made from our favorite chocolate recipe and the hostess provides the champagne. Good menu.

I’m bringing Ina Garten’s, aka Barefoot Contessa, French Chocolate Bark. It’s a heavenly mixture of dark chocolate, cashews, and dried fruits including crystalized ginger. An early Valentine Day’s treat. 

Affirmation: Having fun and a little chocolate is good for me.

Coaching questions: What’s your favorite chocolate recipe? What would you like to do for fun this week? Get to it!

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Stop Pursuing Happiness

by Mershon Niesner

Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. Helen Keller, author

Why were over forty women willing to tell me their sad tale of mother loss? Their universal response was because they wanted their experience to make a difference to another person. Telling me their story and having it become a part of a book gave their loss meaning—and meaning gives us happiness. 

Happiness can’t be pursued, it’s the side effect of dedication to the pursuit of something meaningful beyond our own gratification. This is why creating something to share—a painting, a garden, a book, an afghan, a festive meal, etc—gives us pleasure. This is why volunteering at the school, hospital, church, etc—gives us pleasure. Stop pursuing happiness and begin to look for the meaning in your life. 

Affirmation: I find happiness in meaningful experiences. 

Coaching question: Where do you find meaning and purpose in your life? 

 

What’s Your Challenge?

by Mershon Niesner

What we hope ever to do with ease, we must learn first to do with diligence. Samuel Johnson, eighteenth century writer

In one month and two days, I will have posted a blog for 365 consecutive days. I challenged myself to do this so I could become a better writer, share ideas that are important to me, and add to my marketing platform. Thank you, Dear Readers and Followers, for encouraging me and my journey worthwhile.

I believe that writing is a learned skill. Perhaps some people have more natural writing ability than others just as some are better at numbers or visual arts or mechanics. However, I believe what Dr. Johnson said centuries ago, diligence is the key to success in whatever we choose to do. Putting one foot in front of the other, day after day. Writing isn’t glamorous. Many days it requires slogging through word after word, sentence after sentence of ideas you joyfully expressed months or years ago to bring them to perfection. In other words, more than anything else, it takes diligence.

Affirmation: I am diligent.

Coaching questions: What success have you experienced through pure diligence? What would you like to do next? Exercise your diligence muscle and you can accomplish your goals. 

 

Friends Make Life Better

by Mershon Niesner

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember. You re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I’ll always be with you. Winnie the Pooh

Having grown up with no mother and no siblings, friends have always been especially important to me. I’ve been very fortunate in my life to have friends who were “sisters and brothers.” This week my college roommate, her husband from Boston and a college friend from Denver visited us. 

When we reunite, it’s like no time has passed. These dear friends stimulate me intellectually while embracing me in their love and caring. We spoke of the importance of diversity, what it means to lose the love of your life, our concern for the planet and our toxic political climate, grandchildren, and good books. Three ladies who have grown old together while being apart. Just as Winnie the Pooh says, I’ll always be with them and they with me. 

Affirmation: Friends matter.

Coaching questions: What do friendships mean to you? How have friendships helped you heal and grow in your life? What do you bring to your friends? 

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Is My Red Your Blue?

by Mershon Niesner

Perhaps your blue is my red. Each of us comes to the world with an individual perspective and experiences life in a unique way. Impractical Juggler, from Medium Daily Digest

My dad, husband, and grandson are/were color-blind. Their purple is my blue and their orange is my red or pink. This is a concrete example of how our internal worlds can be different. Now, consider all the other perceptions others make that are unlike our own. Our internal worlds are not absolute. 

When we learn to base our interactions on the fact that we are all unique and come with different perspectives, we have a chance for greater empathy and understanding. In my experience, I’ve learned that whatever I thought I knew can be questioned by another with a different understanding, set of experiences, or vision. Only when we learn to understand and embrace our differences will we have a chance for peace. 

Affirmation: I embrace internal differences.

Coaching questions: How have you been misunderstood? What can you do to have greater understanding of those who perceive things differently?

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