Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Connecting Heart to Heart Worldwide

by Mershon Niesner

It may be long before the law of love will be recognized in international affairs. The machineries of government stand between and hide the hearts of one people from those of another. Gandhi

I want to give a shout out to my international blog readers and followers. Just this month I’ve had visitors from Ireland, South Africa, Canada, Costa Rica, United Kingdom, Germany, India, Finland, and Slovenia, to name a few. This international readership motivates me to write in a universal language with topics of interest to readers from different cultures, governments, faiths. 

Thank you, my international friends, for your interest in what this seventy-three-year-old grandma in southwest Florida, USA has to say. I pray that this experience is a microcosm of what the world can be for all. With our governments pushed aside, we can continue to open our hearts to one another. 

Affirmation: I embrace the world.

Coaching questions: What keeps you connected to the larger world? What difference does it make? 

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Girlfriends, chocolate, champagne

by Mershon Niesner

There is nothing better than a friend, unless it’s a friend with chocolate. Charles Dickens

Girlfriends, chocolate, and champagne—what a great combination! This afternoon I’m going to a Smoking Pots (my cooking group) event. Each of us brings a dish made from our favorite chocolate recipe and the hostess provides the champagne. Good menu.

I’m bringing Ina Garten’s, aka Barefoot Contessa, French Chocolate Bark. It’s a heavenly mixture of dark chocolate, cashews, and dried fruits including crystalized ginger. An early Valentine Day’s treat. 

Affirmation: Having fun and a little chocolate is good for me.

Coaching questions: What’s your favorite chocolate recipe? What would you like to do for fun this week? Get to it!

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Stop Pursuing Happiness

by Mershon Niesner

Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. Helen Keller, author

Why were over forty women willing to tell me their sad tale of mother loss? Their universal response was because they wanted their experience to make a difference to another person. Telling me their story and having it become a part of a book gave their loss meaning—and meaning gives us happiness. 

Happiness can’t be pursued, it’s the side effect of dedication to the pursuit of something meaningful beyond our own gratification. This is why creating something to share—a painting, a garden, a book, an afghan, a festive meal, etc—gives us pleasure. This is why volunteering at the school, hospital, church, etc—gives us pleasure. Stop pursuing happiness and begin to look for the meaning in your life. 

Affirmation: I find happiness in meaningful experiences. 

Coaching question: Where do you find meaning and purpose in your life? 

 

What’s Your Challenge?

by Mershon Niesner

What we hope ever to do with ease, we must learn first to do with diligence. Samuel Johnson, eighteenth century writer

In one month and two days, I will have posted a blog for 365 consecutive days. I challenged myself to do this so I could become a better writer, share ideas that are important to me, and add to my marketing platform. Thank you, Dear Readers and Followers, for encouraging me and my journey worthwhile.

I believe that writing is a learned skill. Perhaps some people have more natural writing ability than others just as some are better at numbers or visual arts or mechanics. However, I believe what Dr. Johnson said centuries ago, diligence is the key to success in whatever we choose to do. Putting one foot in front of the other, day after day. Writing isn’t glamorous. Many days it requires slogging through word after word, sentence after sentence of ideas you joyfully expressed months or years ago to bring them to perfection. In other words, more than anything else, it takes diligence.

Affirmation: I am diligent.

Coaching questions: What success have you experienced through pure diligence? What would you like to do next? Exercise your diligence muscle and you can accomplish your goals. 

 

Friends Make Life Better

by Mershon Niesner

If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together…there is something you must always remember. You re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…I’ll always be with you. Winnie the Pooh

Having grown up with no mother and no siblings, friends have always been especially important to me. I’ve been very fortunate in my life to have friends who were “sisters and brothers.” This week my college roommate, her husband from Boston and a college friend from Denver visited us. 

When we reunite, it’s like no time has passed. These dear friends stimulate me intellectually while embracing me in their love and caring. We spoke of the importance of diversity, what it means to lose the love of your life, our concern for the planet and our toxic political climate, grandchildren, and good books. Three ladies who have grown old together while being apart. Just as Winnie the Pooh says, I’ll always be with them and they with me. 

Affirmation: Friends matter.

Coaching questions: What do friendships mean to you? How have friendships helped you heal and grow in your life? What do you bring to your friends? 

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Is My Red Your Blue?

by Mershon Niesner

Perhaps your blue is my red. Each of us comes to the world with an individual perspective and experiences life in a unique way. Impractical Juggler, from Medium Daily Digest

My dad, husband, and grandson are/were color-blind. Their purple is my blue and their orange is my red or pink. This is a concrete example of how our internal worlds can be different. Now, consider all the other perceptions others make that are unlike our own. Our internal worlds are not absolute. 

When we learn to base our interactions on the fact that we are all unique and come with different perspectives, we have a chance for greater empathy and understanding. In my experience, I’ve learned that whatever I thought I knew can be questioned by another with a different understanding, set of experiences, or vision. Only when we learn to understand and embrace our differences will we have a chance for peace. 

Affirmation: I embrace internal differences.

Coaching questions: How have you been misunderstood? What can you do to have greater understanding of those who perceive things differently?

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What’s Keeping You From Getting Help?

by Mershon Niesner

The strong individual is the one who asks for help when she/he needs it. 

In my upcoming book, Mom’s Gone, Now What? I write about the importance of asking for help when it is needed. People suffering from depression and anxiety might not take this step because they think, it doesn’t matter or getting help won’t make a difference. It is important to your recovery to dispel this mindset. 

Whether you seek professional help for emotional healing and self-understanding or ask a friend to talk to you on a lonely Sunday afternoon, seeking help when it is needed is part of your journey forward. 

Affirmation: I can ask for help when I need it.

Coaching questions: What keeps you from asking for help? What difference would professional help make in your emotional healing? To whom can you turn for help? 

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Are You Angry?

by Mershon Niesner

It’s not about anger being good or bad. It’s what you do with it that matters. John Schinnerer, PhD

Motherless daughters are frequently angry. They may have anger toward a mother who abandoned them, anger toward a mother who died, anger toward a family who is not supporting their caregiving efforts, anger at themselves for being stuck in a grief cycle. As Dr. Schinnerer says, there’s nothing wrong with anger but how it is expressed can determine whether it is destructive or productive. 

Anger can move people and feelings forward. Asserting our anger helps us speak up for what we need and let’s others know they are stepping over our boundaries. As we acknowledge our angry feelings, we can begin to understand what lies beneath them and move forward with our recovery. Honor your anger, express it constructively, then release it.

Affirmation: I acknowledge my anger.

Coaching questions: What’s makes you angry? What step can you take to productively communicate your anger? How will you affirm that your angry feelings are a necessary part of your journey towards recovery?

 

What Lights You Up?

by Mershon Niesner

Be as a bird perched on a frail branch that she feels bending beneath her, still she sings away all the same, knowing she has wings. Victor Hugo, French poet

We have friends visiting from Boston, MA who are birders. It is their great joy to observe birds in nature and discover unusual species. Yesterday, we took them bird watching in the Everglades where we discovered hundreds of birds nesting for the evening along with a couple of alligators.

It’s wonderful to see seventy-somethings light up like children as they discover new treasures. Nature holds abundant wonders. We just need to make the effort to get out there and see what lights us up. 

Affirmation: I enjoy the abundance nature provides.

Coaching questions: What in nature lights you up? What keeps you from exploring the outside world (besides the current cold and snow)?

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What’s Keeping You From Confrontation?

by Mershon Niesner

Confrontation is a healthy avenue for you to stand up for yourself and your beliefs–to be heard and not silenced by inaction or fear. From The Chopra Center newsletter, article by Melissa Eisler

I admit it. Confrontation is my Achille’s heel. I believe that my childhood fear of abandonment, which still hovers in my psyche, is the root of my difficulty with confrontation. The little girl inside of me thinks, If I confront this person about what is making me angry, they will retaliate by emotionally abandoning me or, worse, leaving me altogether.

The irony is, if one doesn’t confront, resentment builds and physical or emotional leaving takes place because there is no confrontation. As difficult and scary as it may feel, constructive confrontation is worth it. Being mindful of your beliefs, clearly communicating where you stand, and speaking with objectivity rather than letting your emotions drive your response is a start.

Affirmation: I’m comfortable with confrontation.

Coaching questions: What keeps you from confronting? What is it costing you? What steps will you take to be more comfortable with confrontation? 

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