Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Are You Someone’s Hero?

by Mershon Niesner

True heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic. It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost, but the urge to serve others at whatever cost. Arthur Ashe, American professional tennis player.

Bobby Cox is an American former baseball third baseman and manager of the Atlanta Braves and Toronto Blue Jays. He holds the all-time record for ejections in Major League Baseball with 158 plus an additional three post-season ejections. I recently heard about Cox from Molly Fletcher, the female version of Jerry McGuire. 

One might think Cox was ejected so many times because of his lack of disciple or anger but, according to Fletcher, Cox was always all about his players, never himself. His attitude was, “You matter more than me.” He was willing to be ejected on their behalf, defending what he thought was fair or stepping in between an umpire and his player if the player was on the edge of rejection. He is in the MLB Hall of Fame and was honored by a statue and retirement of his number 6. He continues to be much admired and a hero among athletes.

Affirmation: I aspire to be a hero

Coaching questions: Who is a hero in your life? Why? Who would consider you to be their hero? 

IMG_2611.jpg

Values vs Differences

by Mershon Niesner

Our shared values define us more than our differences. And acknowledging those shared values can see us through our challenges today if we have the wisdom to trust in them again. John McCain, American statesman and military officer who served as a United States Senator until his death.

One of our greatest challenges in the U.S. today is learning to get along in our divided political landscape. For me, shared values and true friendship trumps (sorry for the pun) political differences. Yesterday, one of my best friends called to acknowledge how I’m using prayer for our president as a way to bring about change and inner peace for myself. She knows I’m taking action in other ways as well and supports my need for involvement. 

This is what friendship is all about! Overcoming our political divide has actually brought us closer as we have had to talk about the hard questions and define our common values. To her credit, it is my friend who has called me, not the other way around. Although our politics can occasionally be the “elephant or donkey in the room,” our friendship has survived and even thrived in spite of it. 

Affirmation: Shared values define my friendships.

Coaching questions: Do you have relationships that need repair in this environment? Are they worth it? If so, what will you do to heal in spite of your differences?

Find Your “Ocean”

by Mershon Niesner

Go to the ocean to calm down, to reconnect with the creator, to just be happy.  Nnedi Okorafor, Nigerian-American writer of fantasy and science fiction for children and adults.

I’m taking Nnedi’s advice. I’m writing my blog today from a tiki hut at the beach. It feels good. Breathing in and breathing out, feeling the breeze on my face, hearing the voices of children in the distance. It sounds like I’m sneaking in another mental health day but this is different. This morning was planned and is purposeful. 

You may not have a beach at your disposal (I know, I’m really lucky), but you do have a comfortable chair in a quiet corner. No? Well, what about driving your car to a quiet place and just sitting there for a few minutes if you need it? Find your “ocean,” reconnect with your creator, and just be happy.

Affirmation: I know how to calm myself.

Coaching questions/requests: Are you aware when you need to take a moment to calm down or are you so accustomed to chaos you are no longer aware? Take a scan of your mind and body. What do you notice? Respond accordingly.

IMG_3672.jpg

Get Into Action

by Mershon Niesner

Somewhere inside of all of us is the power to change the world. Roald Dahl, British novelist, short story writer, screenwriter, fighter pilot

It’s mid-term election day in the United States. Many have literally died and been imprisoned to give you the right to vote. Not voting empowers others. For the first time in my life I’ve been politically active and involved. One of the most frustrating circumstances any of us can experience is the feeling of having no control over our destiny. That’s why I’ve become politically active. My values are being challenged, the future of my grandchildren and the world they will inherit are at stake and I have to do something beyond hand wringing. 

If you feel out of control in an area of your life, taking an action, no matter how small, can help you regain your balance and power. 

Affirmation: I have the power.

Coaching questions: In what areas of your life do you feel you have lost control? What action can you take to regain your equilibrium?

I Am Adaptive

by Mershon Niesner

Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature’s inexorable imperative. H.G. Wells, English writer. 

Whatever your loss—mother, husband, child, leg, sight, home, health—you must learn to adapt in order to survive and thrive. Marilyn Zosia, cofounder and president of I Am Adaptive, asks that we reframe “disability” as “adaptation.” Zosia, who survived a traumatic brain injury, is empowering a global community of athletes to pursue their unique potential for mobility and fitness. 

I suggest that we reframe all loss, not just physical, to encompass the concept of “I am adapting.” Considering ourselves to be “adapting to life without our mother” rather than “I’m so broken, I may never stop grieving,” is affirming our power to adapt rather than giving our power away in exchange for a life of despair. Words matter.

Affirmation: I can adapt.

Coaching questions: In what areas of your life do you need to work on adaptation? Where have you demonstrated success in adapting to life changes in the past? 

I Took a Mental Health Day

by Mershon Niesner

Your mental health is more important than the test, the interview, the lunch date, the meeting, the family dinner, and the grocery run. Take care of yourself. HealthyPlace.com

I took a Mental Health Day yesterday. I’d had a busier-than-usual week and I was tired—not just physically but mentally tired as well. I took the advice above—I didn’t go to the gym or the grocery store as planned, I didn’t shower or fix my hair, I didn’t write (except my blog). I drank lots and lots of water and did whatever popped into my head at the time. Oh, and I had fun watching the Nebraska football game. I feel renewed and refreshed today.

Sometimes we just have to say, “Stop the world, I want to get off!” Know that it’s not forever. Trust that you’ll get back into your life. Honor your physical and mental healing process. 

Affirmation: I take care of myself.

Coaching questions: If you need a Mental Health Day, schedule it—now. What’s keeping you from taking one? How will you feel after you give yourself a day? 

IMG_2608

 

Experience the Power of Writing to Heal

by Mershon Niesner

“My research shows that writing 20 minutes a day for four consecutive days about a traumatic or difficult event in your life has measurable health benefits that last for days, weeks, even months.” James W. Pennebaker, social psychologist, University of Texas, Austin

I’ve always been a writer. Years ago I wrote adoptive studies on prospective parents, poetry, a book. I earned a living writing newsletters, brochures, scripts. For my well-being, I’ve written daily gratitude journals, prayer journals, affirmations. I’ve never written for the specific purpose of healing, but I don’t doubt Pennebaker’s research.

Pennebaker’s believes that labeling your feelings and putting them into a story affects the immune system. When he speaks of healing, he’s talking about physical healing as well as emotional. Healing in his research is demonstrated by wound shrinkage. Research from New Zealand confirms the writing/physical healing connection. According to the BBC, the effect may be short-lived, but powerful. 

Affirmation: My writing heals me.

Coaching questions: If you believe this research could be true, what will you write about? What difference do you expect it will make? When will you start?

Consider Hospice/Palliative Care

by Mershon Niesner

When I reflect on the stories of death supported by hospice care and contrast it with our story depicting an absence of support, I find myself dealing with envy and anger. Lisa J. Shultz, author of A Chance to Say Goodbye: Reflection on Losing a Parent

November is National Hospice/Palliative Care Month. A daughter I interviewed for my book was so positively impacted by the hospice care her young mother received that, as an adult, she became a lifelong hospice volunteer and the National Hospice Volunteer of the Year. Hospice and palliative care frequently make a profound, positive difference in the lives of families and patients. 

What’s the difference? Hospice care is for terminally ill patients when treatment is no longer curative during the last six months of life. Palliative care can be employed while the patient is continuing active treatment through different phases of their life-limiting condition. Both provide comfort. 

Affirmation: I’m grateful for the volunteers and professionals who provide hospice and palliative care.

Coaching request: If you are a patient or family member dealing with a life-threatening condition, consider hospice or palliative care now or in the future. It can make a world of difference.

A Dragonfly’s Magic

by Mershon Niesner

Dragonflies are reminders that we are light and we can reflect light in powerful ways if we choose to do so. Robyn Nola, Artist and believer in the power of affirmation

In almost every part of the world, the Dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. The Dragonfly is iridescent both on its wings and body. The magical property of iridescence is associated with the discovery of one’s ability by unmasking the real self and removing the doubts cast on his/her sense of identity. 

Discovering and embracing who we truly are is an integral part of our maturity. A friend of mine who faces the challenge of addiction recovery has a Dragonfly tattoo on her arm as a symbol of her transformation. To her the Dragonfly stands for hope, change, and love. A powerful daily reminder that she has embraced change and remains true to herself.

Affirmation: I am true to myself. 

Coaching questions: In what ways have you changed and become more of your true self? What symbol would you use to prompt you to reflect light and embrace self-realization? 

IMG_2603 (1)

Black Cats Howl and Pumpkins Gleam

by Mershon Niesner

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween. Unknown

Halloween had its origins in the festival of Samhain among the Celts of ancient Britain and Ireland. Halloween is a contraction of All Hallows’ Eve, the evening before All Saints’ Day. In ancient times, November 1 was the beginning of a new year. 

During the Celtic festival, it was believed the souls of those who had died returned to visit their homes, and those who had died during the year journeyed to the otherworld. Masks were worn to avoid being recognized by ghosts and it is in those ways that witches, hobgoblins, fairies and demons became associated with the day. When large numbers of immigrants entered the U.S., particularly the Irish, they brought Halloween with them. 

Trick or Treat??

Affirmation: I embrace our rich heritage.

Coaching question/request: What traditions did your ancestors bring with them? Enjoy your Halloween!

IMG_2602.jpg