Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

I Am Adaptive

by Mershon Niesner

Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature’s inexorable imperative. H.G. Wells, English writer. 

Whatever your loss—mother, husband, child, leg, sight, home, health—you must learn to adapt in order to survive and thrive. Marilyn Zosia, cofounder and president of I Am Adaptive, asks that we reframe “disability” as “adaptation.” Zosia, who survived a traumatic brain injury, is empowering a global community of athletes to pursue their unique potential for mobility and fitness. 

I suggest that we reframe all loss, not just physical, to encompass the concept of “I am adapting.” Considering ourselves to be “adapting to life without our mother” rather than “I’m so broken, I may never stop grieving,” is affirming our power to adapt rather than giving our power away in exchange for a life of despair. Words matter.

Affirmation: I can adapt.

Coaching questions: In what areas of your life do you need to work on adaptation? Where have you demonstrated success in adapting to life changes in the past? 

I Took a Mental Health Day

by Mershon Niesner

Your mental health is more important than the test, the interview, the lunch date, the meeting, the family dinner, and the grocery run. Take care of yourself. HealthyPlace.com

I took a Mental Health Day yesterday. I’d had a busier-than-usual week and I was tired—not just physically but mentally tired as well. I took the advice above—I didn’t go to the gym or the grocery store as planned, I didn’t shower or fix my hair, I didn’t write (except my blog). I drank lots and lots of water and did whatever popped into my head at the time. Oh, and I had fun watching the Nebraska football game. I feel renewed and refreshed today.

Sometimes we just have to say, “Stop the world, I want to get off!” Know that it’s not forever. Trust that you’ll get back into your life. Honor your physical and mental healing process. 

Affirmation: I take care of myself.

Coaching questions: If you need a Mental Health Day, schedule it—now. What’s keeping you from taking one? How will you feel after you give yourself a day? 

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Experience the Power of Writing to Heal

by Mershon Niesner

“My research shows that writing 20 minutes a day for four consecutive days about a traumatic or difficult event in your life has measurable health benefits that last for days, weeks, even months.” James W. Pennebaker, social psychologist, University of Texas, Austin

I’ve always been a writer. Years ago I wrote adoptive studies on prospective parents, poetry, a book. I earned a living writing newsletters, brochures, scripts. For my well-being, I’ve written daily gratitude journals, prayer journals, affirmations. I’ve never written for the specific purpose of healing, but I don’t doubt Pennebaker’s research.

Pennebaker’s believes that labeling your feelings and putting them into a story affects the immune system. When he speaks of healing, he’s talking about physical healing as well as emotional. Healing in his research is demonstrated by wound shrinkage. Research from New Zealand confirms the writing/physical healing connection. According to the BBC, the effect may be short-lived, but powerful. 

Affirmation: My writing heals me.

Coaching questions: If you believe this research could be true, what will you write about? What difference do you expect it will make? When will you start?

Consider Hospice/Palliative Care

by Mershon Niesner

When I reflect on the stories of death supported by hospice care and contrast it with our story depicting an absence of support, I find myself dealing with envy and anger. Lisa J. Shultz, author of A Chance to Say Goodbye: Reflection on Losing a Parent

November is National Hospice/Palliative Care Month. A daughter I interviewed for my book was so positively impacted by the hospice care her young mother received that, as an adult, she became a lifelong hospice volunteer and the National Hospice Volunteer of the Year. Hospice and palliative care frequently make a profound, positive difference in the lives of families and patients. 

What’s the difference? Hospice care is for terminally ill patients when treatment is no longer curative during the last six months of life. Palliative care can be employed while the patient is continuing active treatment through different phases of their life-limiting condition. Both provide comfort. 

Affirmation: I’m grateful for the volunteers and professionals who provide hospice and palliative care.

Coaching request: If you are a patient or family member dealing with a life-threatening condition, consider hospice or palliative care now or in the future. It can make a world of difference.

A Dragonfly’s Magic

by Mershon Niesner

Dragonflies are reminders that we are light and we can reflect light in powerful ways if we choose to do so. Robyn Nola, Artist and believer in the power of affirmation

In almost every part of the world, the Dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. The Dragonfly is iridescent both on its wings and body. The magical property of iridescence is associated with the discovery of one’s ability by unmasking the real self and removing the doubts cast on his/her sense of identity. 

Discovering and embracing who we truly are is an integral part of our maturity. A friend of mine who faces the challenge of addiction recovery has a Dragonfly tattoo on her arm as a symbol of her transformation. To her the Dragonfly stands for hope, change, and love. A powerful daily reminder that she has embraced change and remains true to herself.

Affirmation: I am true to myself. 

Coaching questions: In what ways have you changed and become more of your true self? What symbol would you use to prompt you to reflect light and embrace self-realization? 

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Black Cats Howl and Pumpkins Gleam

by Mershon Niesner

When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween. Unknown

Halloween had its origins in the festival of Samhain among the Celts of ancient Britain and Ireland. Halloween is a contraction of All Hallows’ Eve, the evening before All Saints’ Day. In ancient times, November 1 was the beginning of a new year. 

During the Celtic festival, it was believed the souls of those who had died returned to visit their homes, and those who had died during the year journeyed to the otherworld. Masks were worn to avoid being recognized by ghosts and it is in those ways that witches, hobgoblins, fairies and demons became associated with the day. When large numbers of immigrants entered the U.S., particularly the Irish, they brought Halloween with them. 

Trick or Treat??

Affirmation: I embrace our rich heritage.

Coaching question/request: What traditions did your ancestors bring with them? Enjoy your Halloween!

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Three Steps To Help You Handle Change

by Mershon Niesner

I have accepted fear as part of life—specifically the fear of change….I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back…. Erica Jong, American novelist, satirist and poet

Change is in the air. Change of seasons, the clock, politics, personal health, job, family make-up, or location. Some changes are easily to make…others, not so much. Here are three reminders to help you handle change:

  1. Change isn’t the enemy but your reaction to the change may be. Start small. Your motivation to proceed will come from the step by step readjustment of your attitude. 
  2. Expect discomfort. This is like slowing down before a bump in the road. When you do, you’re less likely to be sent flying. 
  3. Acknowledge your past successes and have confidence in your ability to be resilient. You left home for kindergarten, survived the loss of a parent, moved across the country. You’ve mastered change before and you can do it again. 

Affirmation: I can handle change.

Coaching questions: What change are you facing? What’s one step you will take this week to facilitate successful change? 

Who Deserves Your Gratitude?

by Mershon Niesner

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. Melody Beattie, American author of self-help books on codependent relationships

In her blog, Cup of Jo, Jenny Rosenstrach told the story of how Gina Hamadey, a writer and content strategist, wrote a thank you note everyday for a year. She used a theme for each month like neighbors, friends, food, family, health and sent snail mail notes to people she had reason to thank. She handed out some notes to people like the bookstore clerk or her babysitter and mailed the rest. You can follow Gina’s progress on Instagram at @thankyouyear.

In addition to love, what the world needs now is gratitude. What would it mean to you to receive a note of thanks?  What would it mean for your children/grandchildren to see you model appreciation? I’m committing to write a note once a week. What about you?

Affirmation: I’m very grateful. 

Coaching questions: To whom would you like to send a handwritten note of thanks? Do it!

Do We Paint The Gold Leaf Green?

by Mershon Niesner

The irony is that the more we fight age, the more it shows. Paint on a 50-year-old face brings to mind a Gilbert and Sullivan comic figure. Smooth the cheeks, and suddenly the ear lobes and hands look out of place. Do we run around in October, painting the gold leaves green? Karen DeCrow, American attorney, author, activist and feminist 

This is another stand-alone quote. What wisdom DeCrow shares with us. First, that aging is natural and its futile to try to cover it up. Second, the aging face is beautiful, like the gold leaves of Fall. 

Those of us who feel fortunate to have lived a long life in the wake of mothers who died young, honor our aging. As the first generation of three who has lived beyond my thirties, every year is gravy, icing on the cake. And now, these Fall, nearly Winter, years of my life are the cherry on top. 

Affirmation: I honor the season of life I’m in.

Coaching questions: What season of life are you in? Have you lived past the age your mother died? In what ways do you live your best life while honoring the age and stage you’re in?

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Save a “Starfish”

by Mershon Niesner

She wanted to be a shining star in the sky, ended up being a starfish thrown in and out by the sea. Tamanna, Indian actress known only by her first name

After a big storm, a young girl took a walk on a beach strewn with thousands of stranded star fish dying in the sun. She picks one up and throws it back in the ocean. A man walking by says, “Little girl, don’t waste your time. You can’t save them all. You can’t make a difference.” As she threw one more star fish back to sea, she replied, “I made a difference to that one.” 

I’ve been doing little things in an effort to make a difference during this political season. When I stand on a corner with a sandwich board with candidate’s names waving at those driving by or stand outside a poll as a greeter, it often feels futile until I remember the little girl with the star fish. Writing a blog can feel equally futile. How many readers do I reach? What difference does it make? And yet….if only one, it is worth it.

Affirmation: One little thing can make a difference.

Coaching questions: What are you throwing back into the ocean? What small difference are you making? If you’re overcome by the feeling of helplessness, do one thing to make  a difference — no matter how small.

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