Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

On Being/Having A Step-Mother

by Mershon Niesner

Step parenting is like working at a late-night convenience store; all the responsibility and none of the authority. Valerie J. Lewis Coleman, author and publisher

I had a step-mother, my children have a step-mother, I am a step-mother. Although maligned in fairy tales, step-mothers frequently step into difficult situations, bringing a semblance of order to the family or provide a lonely husband/father with the companionship he deserves. 

As a step-mother to three adult children and eleven grandchildren who were born before my time, my main contribution has been to keep my opinions to myself. Now there are great-grand babies and the rule still holds. One of the sweetest Mother’s Day cards I’ve ever received was from my step-daughter. I keep a picture of it in my phone. See the card below….it makes my heart sing.

Affirmation: I can be a cool step-mother. 

Coaching questions: If you’re a step-mother, what’s your greatest challenge? To whom can you turn to help you handle your situation? If you had/have an “evil” step-mother, what will it take for you to forgive her (if you need to do it)?

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Mother Goose Knows Best

by Mershon Niesner

For every ailment under the sun, There is a remedy, or there is non.

If there be one, try to find it, If there be non, Never mind it.

Mother Goose, 1695 

The Serenity Prayer was taken from Mother Goose—who knew? Thanks to the friend who sent this rendition to me. With a second close friend having open heart surgery tomorrow and the recent deaths of two others, I’ve offered this prayer/rhyme frequently. I pray that the surgeon will do his/her best and for the patient’s speedy recovery, of course, but then I let it go.

I often blog about worry and the effects of worry because I’ve noticed that it’s a common malady. I have the opportunity to practice what I preach during the next 10 days as we embark on a cruise at the height of the hurricane season with a house on an island in the Gulf. We are living on the edge a bit but decisions have been made, the weather is going to do what’s it’s going to do, and I’m going to have FUN.

Affirmation: I know worrying is futile.

Coaching questions: What helps you curb your worrying? 

P.S. I will blog during my travels. I’m hoping the Internet is stable.

National Pause Day

by Mershon Niesner

Labor Day was enacted into federal law in 1894. It’s nice to think of the day as a national pause day. As a nation, we are choosing to take a timeout from our busy work life and making a collective effort to have some fun. Dr. Perry, from his blog MakeItUltra 

It’s Labor Day in the United States. If you’re a working person, I hope you’re enjoying a day off. Americans leave 658 million vacation days on the table every year. More than half of American workers (55%) leave vacation time unused. The United States is the only developed country in the world without a single legally required paid vacation day or holiday. By law, every country in the European Union has at least four work weeks of paid vacation.

Research shows that workers who take time off are more productive, mentally alert, healthier, and have greater work satisfaction. 

Affirmation: It’s ok to take time off.

Coaching questions: What’s keeping you from taking vacation days? You may have very legitimate financial reasons for working as much as possible. Do you see value in making a change? Plan your vacation days now…what’s a better day to do it?

Put Your Worries On Pause

by Mershon Niesner

Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength. Corrie ten Boom, Dutch watchmaker and Christian who helped many Jews escape the Nazi Holocaust. Subject of the book and movie, The Hiding Place. 

According to Robert Leahy, PhD, director of The American Institute for Cognitive Therapy, “When we don’t know how something will work out, we worry in order to get certainty.” And yet, studies have found that 85% of things people fretted about had neutral or positive outcomes. 

To calm your anxiety, throw yourself into something you can control or accomplish like laundry or calls to friends or pulling weeds. You’ll feel good in the present due to your accomplishment and, in the meantime, you will have put your worries on pause.

Affirmation: The outcome will be positive.

Coaching questions: If you have an immediate worry, what can you do to push the pause button? Think back to some of the circumstances you’ve worried about in the past. What were the actual outcomes?

I Haven’t Given Up On You

by Mershon Niesner

Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. Joseph Addison, English essayist, poet, playwright, and politician.

If you’re still not a reader, I haven’t given up on you. Studies show reading books improves cognitive function, working memory, and the ability to detect and understand other people’s emotions. If you think you don’t have time to read, consider how much time you spend watching television, playing computer games, scrolling through social media, or checking email. If you spend a lot of time traveling, try audiobooks. 

Here are a few suggestions for you—try it; you’ll like it!

  •  Favorite author—Pulitzer Prizer winner, Willa Cather – stories from the prairie
  • Audio book “candy” – Janet Evanovitch series, Calypso by Sidaris
  •  Currently listening to – The President Is Missing
  • Current Kindle book – The Good Thief, (just finished The Coffee Trader)
  • Just finished paperback – News of the World
  • Non-fiction – From Silk to Silicon, On Writing by Stephen King, A Mother Loss Workbook

Affirmation: Reading is life-changing.

Coaching questions: If you’re not a reader, what ’s keeping you away? Consider what you might be missing. If you are a reader, keep a journal of all the books you read, share books with friends and family, let others know about your passion for reading. 

A Tear To A Smile

by Mershon Niesner

Every human being must find his own way to cope with severe loss, and the only job of a true friend is to facilitate whatever method he chooses. Caleb Carr, American military historian and author

Yesterday, at John McCain’s memorial service in Arizona, former Vice President Joe Biden, who has known considerable personal loss, comforted the McCain family and friends by saying, “When a memory comes to mind and a smile crosses your face before a tear comes to your eye, you know you are healing.” 

Biden was assuring the gathered mourners that there is hope for recovery from their heart-breaking loss. His words comfort us all. Sometimes memories bring smiles AND tears. All our feelings are appropriate, of course, and we are fortunate if we have friends who honor our process.

Affirmation: I smile when I remember.

Coaching questions: Do memories of your mom bring smiles or tears? How do you measure your recovery progress? Acknowledge the friends who are/have supported you.

Heading Back to Kindergarten

by Mershon Niesner

I always was a weird child. My mother told me the story that, in kindergarten, I would come home and tell her about this weird kid in my class who drew only with black crayons and didn’t speak to other kids. I asked about it so much that my mother brought it up with the teacher, who said, “What? That’s your son.” John Waters, film director, screenwriter, author, actor, comedian

I have three granddaughters starting kindergarten this fall. I’ve only had a chance to speak with one, Marcella, but, based on that conversation, I want to go back to kindergarten. First, it’s now all day with no naps. I hated the nap part. No milk lunch. Thank goodness. Remember the smell of souring milk in the halls? It made me want to gag. Craft centers abound, although, I’m told they are of shorter duration than in pre-school. And, the best part, the teacher reads to you three times a day….in the morning, after lunch, and before you go home.

Learning shapes, numbers, letters, printing, how to sound out words is a small price to pay for all that crafting and reading. Sign me up!

Affirmation: I know how to go back to a simpler life.

Coaching questions: What is it about kindergarten you’d like to go back to? What’s one thing you can do to satisfy the inner-child in you today?

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Building Muscles

by Mershon Niesner

There are uses to adversity, and they don’t reveal themselves until tested. Whether it’s serious illness, financial hardship, or the simple constraint of parents who speak limited English, difficulty can tap unexpected strengths. Sonia Sotomayor, Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States

I believe the growth spurts of my life have been when adversity has reared its ugly head. At times the testing tapped into unexpected or latent strengths, as Justice Sotomayor suggests, and, at others, adversity created a Me who was stronger than before.

When I go to the gym, my exertion on the muscle building machines tears down my muscle so that when it repairs itself, it is bigger and stronger. I believe this is what happens when life brings us challenges. We are temporarily torn only to grow again,  stronger than ever.

Affirmation: I am strong.

Coaching questions: In what ways have you been tested? In what ways has the testing changed you?

No Regrets

by Mershon Niesner

Never regret a day in your life: good days give happiness, bad days give experience, worst days give lessons, and best days give memories. As seen on Facebook

The older I am, the less I regret any day. I can sense my days slipping away and I want to savor each and every one no matter what they bring. I’ve had my share of experience and lessons but mostly I’ve experienced days that created memories and happiness. I’m a fortunate woman.

How we frame the days of our lives…bad equals experience, worst equals lessons….makes a difference in our overall peace and joy. Each day is a gift, enjoy.

Affirmation: I never regret a day in my life.

Coaching questions: How do you frame your bad and worst, good and best days? What helps you stay in the present and embrace each day as a gift?

IMG_1061 A beautiful morning on Barfield Bay, Marco Island, Florida.

Rehearsing High-Pressure Moments

by Mershon Niesner

There are people who seem unflappable in chaotic and high-pressure moments: the unrealistic deadline, the hairpin coastal drive, the medical emergency. And then there are the rest of us. From an article by Elizabeth Millard in Experience Life magazine.

One of our dear friends, the pastor who married us, is having open heart surgery today. This is an intense scenario that could cause the calmest among us to freak out and motivated me to consider how we can best handle pressure situations.

According to positive-psychology researcher Michelle Gielan, author of Broadcasting Happiness: The Science of Igniting and Sustaining Positive Change, “Having certain strategies prepared in advance, when you’re not in a pressure situation, can be very helpful when those moments arrive.” In other words, she is suggesting we imagine easily merging into traffic, talking calmly with the boss, or learn all we can about a medical procedure to help calm our fears. I’m sure my friend found solace this morning in quiet prayer as well.

Affirmation: I can prepare for high-pressure moments.

Coaching questions: What causes you the greatest anxiety? What will you do to become more prepared?