Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

It’s Okay to Cry

by Mershon Niesner

Think of all the incredible things we didn’t get to hear because someone was scared we would see them cry. Jennifer Palmieri, author, Dear Madam President

In her new book Dear Madam President, Jennifer Palmieri writes an open letter to the women who will run the world. I’m sending it to my granddaughters. I think Jennifer imparts some very valuable advice to potential women leaders…primarily, show up as women, don’t try to immolate men, be who you are.

Prior to the quote above, Jennifer says, “Think of all the times you have heard someone say they passed on sharing something that was particularly moving because they didn’t think they could get it out without crying. That’s a shame.” I’m one of “those” who doesn’t cry in front of others…in fact, I rarely cry at all. That’s a shame. I know I’m holding back a part of myself that might be valuable for others…say nothing of what it might do for me. Some of our most important communications are through tears…yes, sometimes even in business. I fondly remember the times I’ve seen presidents cry.

Affirmation: My tears are a special part of me.

Coaching questions: What have you held back because you were afraid of displaying tears? What difference might you make if you are willing to be vulnerable?

The Wow of Now

by Mershon Niesner

The naked now, the one without frills, the one that was always here, just wasn’t as interesting as what could be, what should be, and what I wanted to be. Geneen Roth, author of Women Food and God and When Food is Love

Like many of us, Geneen admits that for several years she lived a life of “if only”…if only I was thin, if only I found love, if only I had a better job, a bigger house, (if only I hadn’t lost my mom). ..I’d be happy. She became so entranced with the belief that happiness was in the future (or possibly in the case of others…the past), she was missing out on the now.

I’m happy to report that Geneen finally learned to want…really love…the now more than the possibilities of the future. She explains, “The pull of drama (the what ifs) still compels me, but the love of showing up where I am is bigger. Nothing can compete with the love of this life blazing in and through me, which, along with the depth of night-sky stillness, also includes outrageous laughter, salted chocolate, and occasional swoops of sadness.”

Affirmation: I choose to live in the now.

Coaching questions: Are you living in the now? If not, what will motivate you to take a foot out of the past or future and move into the now? What difference will it make in your quality of life?

Blueberries

by Mershon Niesner

Valued for their high levels of antioxidants, some nutritionists believe that if you make only one change to your diet, it should be to add blueberries. My friend, Google

Occasionally we have waffles for breakfast and I make blueberry syrup with sugar-free syrup and fresh blueberries boiled together. Yesterday we had some pear halves with a sprinkling of blueberries. They are so beautiful and so good for us that I make an effort to keep them on hand.

As Mr. Google says, “If you make only one change in your diet…make it blueberries.” What about our life? What does Mr. Google say about changes there? I’m sure the answer would be, “Too many variables.” But we know…we know what one change might make a difference right now. When we ask ourselves the question, “What now?”, the woman or little girl inside of us knows what she needs, knows what changes will make her feel physically, emotionally, or spiritually better. Just listen to her!

Affirmation: I listen to my inner voice.

Coaching questions: Be still for a moment. Now ask yourself, “What’s one change I need to make to be who I’m meant to be?”

Rejoice and Be Glad

by Mershon Niesner

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad. Psalm 118:24; King David, author

My oldest granddaughter, Kavita, age 14, has chosen to be confirmed Sunday at the Episcopal church in New York City where her family actively attends. Her mother, my daughter Winnie, asked me to send a message, image, or scripture to pass along to Kavita as part of the ceremony. My first thought was my personal motto, the scripture above. I pray that Kavita will live with joy in her life as she continues on her path to adulthood.

I wish this for you also, dear friends. Whatever your heartache, trial, loss, or struggle, I hope that each day will bring you cause to rejoice and be glad…if for no other reason than it has arrived and you’re there to greet it.

Affirmation: I rejoice at the new day.

Coaching questions: What causes you to rejoice and be glad? What’s your life’s motto?

 

What’s Your Backup?

by Mershon Niesner

No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected. Julius Caesar

After I “talked” with you ladies yesterday, I did an update my computer was calling for. Several hours later, my computer was frozen…I couldn’t even get it to turn off. Yikes! My book is on here and I’ve never learned how to use my thumb drive, which sits right in front of me on my desk, to back it up. I desperately called Mike the Geek and left a SOS (literally). While I was waiting for him to return my call, I sat down to read a good book and consume a sleeve of Ginger Thins (those delicious, silver-dollar sized cookies as thin as paper…lots of stress relief without too much damage).

When Mike arrived later (mercifully, he does house calls), he got my computer going and taught me how to use my thumb drive. Six steps and two sub-steps later, I’m backed up!

What’s your back up? Unexpected things happen in life…not just with computers. We all need backup plans because it sounds like even Caesar got into the cookie jar from time to time.

Affirmation: I have a backup plan.

Coaching question: What is your backup plan or as author Sheryl Sandberg calls it Option B?

Be Good To Yourself!

by Mershon Niesner

Women 60 years old and older are twice as likely to develop Alzheimer’s than breast cancer.  Women’s Alzheimer’s Website

I know you’d rather read about beautiful sunrises (see yesterday) than deadly, debilitating diseases but the purpose of my blog is to enlighten, engage, and coach you to being the best you can be. Part three of my upcoming book tells stories of women who have lost or are losing their mothers to Alzheimer’s so I’m on a mission to learn and educate others about this dread disease.

Nothing can prevent Alzheimer’s. However, according to Catherine Cruikshank, MA, Ph.d, from the Alzheimer’s Association, there are things you can do to give yourself a better chance of staying healthy. The key, she says, is to remember that what is good for your heart is good for your brain. For instance…do exercises that elevate your heart rate, stretch, eat well, read, be social, learn new things, keep your alcohol consumption to a minimum, know the 10 signs of Alzheimer’s (see web site) and seek medical help early if you have suspicions.

Losing a mother to Alzheimer’s is one of the greatest heartaches of all because it means losing them twice.

Affirmation: I take good care of myself.

Coaching questions: What are you doing to take care of your heart and brain? Can you do more? If so, what’s one thing you will add to your regimen?

Good Morning!

by Mershon Niesner

If you want to be reminded of the love of the Lord, just watch the sunrise.  Jeannette Walls, author of Half Broke Horses

Usually we have breakfast in the shade of our front porch after the sun has come up. Today I got up early so we were able to have breakfast on the back porch and watch the sun come up over Barfield Bay. What a glorious way to begin the day!

How we begin our day matters. If we sleep late and spend the rest of the day “catching up”, we only add to our anxiety and stress.

Starting the day with humor and a smile is also gratifying. So, in an effort to add more levity to my life (my new goal is to cultivate humor), here’s a quote from one of the funniest people I know, Tina Fey, from her book, Bossy Pants, “I was a little excited but mostly blorft. ‘Blorft’ is an adjective I just made up that means completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum. I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” Tina Fey definitely needs to watch the sunrise while eating avocado toast.

Affirmation: I start my day with peace and, sometimes, humor.

Coaching questions: How do you start your day? Is it working for you? If not, what’s one thing you’re willing to change to make it better?

Talking To Myself

by Mershon Niesner

You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way. Jennifer Freeman

As many of you know, I’m a big believer in affirmations. These mini-sentences or short phrases have helped get me through some tough times, promoted a positive attitude, and kept me on a “best friend” status with myself. There were times when I posted an affirmation on my bathroom mirror, kept it in my wallet, or pinned it to my bulletin board. After the death of my late husband, Keith, I felt compelled to write my first book, Ribbons of Love…affirmations for abundant living, because I wanted others to benefit from affirmations as well.

In the online newsletter Unstuck, they put out a call for mantras which are similar to affirmations. The quote today is one of them, here are a few others:

Slipping backward? You may be backing up to get a running start. Dan Millman

Handshake your fear. Unknown

My favorite mantra is from the Bible, This is the day the Lord has made…rejoice and be glad in it!

If you are sad, mad, grieving, or angry, affirmations can help pull you forward. Give them a try…you may find they make a difference.

Affirmation: I will rejoice and be glad.

Coaching questions: What’s your mantra? What’s a favorite affirmation? How might your life be pulled forward if you use one?

 

 

Quilts and Gardens

by Mershon Niesner

Creativity is contagious, past it on. Albert Einstein

I lost two precious girlfriends this year. Both were voracious quilters and gardeners. Both died unexpectedly. Both left tangible evidence of their amazing creativity. I’m grateful for their legacies in my life.

About 15 years ago, my son, Dan, saw a blue jean quilt in a Martha Stewart magazine and asked if I would make him one. Not being a quilter, I was skeptical but he was eager and brought me all the supplies including huge jeans he found at thrift stores. I made that one-time quilt and he still has it. He told his all-women coworkers about it once and they asked him to bring it in. He told me what they said.  “Your mom sure loves you.” As loved ones remember my dear friends, a similar story could be repeated many, many times.

Affirmation: I am creative.

Coaching questions: Do you have something that belonged to your mom that is special to you? What will you leave for your children to remember you by?

My Ubuntu Bracelet

by Mershon Niesner

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. Rachel Naomi Remen, author and teacher

Archbishop Desmond Tutu and I wear Ubuntu bracelets.  His came first…I got mine yesterday in the mail. I learned about the Archbishop’s bracelet from The Book of Joy, the book I so frequently quote. We both wear the bracelet to affirm our connectedness and interdependence to one another. Although the term and bracelet originated in Southern Africa, I bought mine on Etsy and it came with a tag that reads, “I am because we are.”

As daughters who have lost mothers we have a special bond of understanding and experience. I strive to demonstrate this connectedness to all.

Affirmation: I am connected to and depend on the human family.

Coaching questions: To whom are you connected? How do you demonstrate your connectedness?