Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Good Morning!

by Mershon Niesner

If you want to be reminded of the love of the Lord, just watch the sunrise.  Jeannette Walls, author of Half Broke Horses

Usually we have breakfast in the shade of our front porch after the sun has come up. Today I got up early so we were able to have breakfast on the back porch and watch the sun come up over Barfield Bay. What a glorious way to begin the day!

How we begin our day matters. If we sleep late and spend the rest of the day “catching up”, we only add to our anxiety and stress.

Starting the day with humor and a smile is also gratifying. So, in an effort to add more levity to my life (my new goal is to cultivate humor), here’s a quote from one of the funniest people I know, Tina Fey, from her book, Bossy Pants, “I was a little excited but mostly blorft. ‘Blorft’ is an adjective I just made up that means completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum. I have been blorft every day for the past seven years.” Tina Fey definitely needs to watch the sunrise while eating avocado toast.

Affirmation: I start my day with peace and, sometimes, humor.

Coaching questions: How do you start your day? Is it working for you? If not, what’s one thing you’re willing to change to make it better?

Talking To Myself

by Mershon Niesner

You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way. Jennifer Freeman

As many of you know, I’m a big believer in affirmations. These mini-sentences or short phrases have helped get me through some tough times, promoted a positive attitude, and kept me on a “best friend” status with myself. There were times when I posted an affirmation on my bathroom mirror, kept it in my wallet, or pinned it to my bulletin board. After the death of my late husband, Keith, I felt compelled to write my first book, Ribbons of Love…affirmations for abundant living, because I wanted others to benefit from affirmations as well.

In the online newsletter Unstuck, they put out a call for mantras which are similar to affirmations. The quote today is one of them, here are a few others:

Slipping backward? You may be backing up to get a running start. Dan Millman

Handshake your fear. Unknown

My favorite mantra is from the Bible, This is the day the Lord has made…rejoice and be glad in it!

If you are sad, mad, grieving, or angry, affirmations can help pull you forward. Give them a try…you may find they make a difference.

Affirmation: I will rejoice and be glad.

Coaching questions: What’s your mantra? What’s a favorite affirmation? How might your life be pulled forward if you use one?

 

 

Quilts and Gardens

by Mershon Niesner

Creativity is contagious, past it on. Albert Einstein

I lost two precious girlfriends this year. Both were voracious quilters and gardeners. Both died unexpectedly. Both left tangible evidence of their amazing creativity. I’m grateful for their legacies in my life.

About 15 years ago, my son, Dan, saw a blue jean quilt in a Martha Stewart magazine and asked if I would make him one. Not being a quilter, I was skeptical but he was eager and brought me all the supplies including huge jeans he found at thrift stores. I made that one-time quilt and he still has it. He told his all-women coworkers about it once and they asked him to bring it in. He told me what they said.  “Your mom sure loves you.” As loved ones remember my dear friends, a similar story could be repeated many, many times.

Affirmation: I am creative.

Coaching questions: Do you have something that belonged to your mom that is special to you? What will you leave for your children to remember you by?

My Ubuntu Bracelet

by Mershon Niesner

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. Rachel Naomi Remen, author and teacher

Archbishop Desmond Tutu and I wear Ubuntu bracelets.  His came first…I got mine yesterday in the mail. I learned about the Archbishop’s bracelet from The Book of Joy, the book I so frequently quote. We both wear the bracelet to affirm our connectedness and interdependence to one another. Although the term and bracelet originated in Southern Africa, I bought mine on Etsy and it came with a tag that reads, “I am because we are.”

As daughters who have lost mothers we have a special bond of understanding and experience. I strive to demonstrate this connectedness to all.

Affirmation: I am connected to and depend on the human family.

Coaching questions: To whom are you connected? How do you demonstrate your connectedness?

 

 

Doll Houses

by Mershon Niesner

If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older. Sir Tom Stoppard, Knighted British playwright

Yesterday was my “day off.” I know, I’m retired so everyday is my day off. Even in retirement (thank goodness)  most of my days are scheduled and busy. I make an effort, however, to keep Thursdays free. Yesterday I went to the gym, planted some leftover flowers in the yard (Easter lilies and poinsettias), then I went to visit my wonderful friend, Donna. Her condo always feels like a peaceful sanctuary…her own beautiful art on the walls, a spectacular water view, her calming personality and true wisdom.

Today she had something special to share…a doll house she had made several years earlier. Architecturally, it was exactly like her grandmother’s house and the fixtures also reflected this house of the past…patchwork quilt, wallpaper, claw-foot tub, ice box, wood stove…many of the special touches she had created herself. Here we were, two 70-somethings head to head peering into this darling house, exclaiming over every detail. For several minutes we were delightfully transported to being little girls again. What a wonderful day off!!

If your childhood was full of adult responsibilities or cut short because of the loss of a mother, it is especially important to discover, recognize, and honor the child within you.

Affirmation: I honor the child within.

Coaching question: What keeps you in touch with your inner child? How does it feel with you honor her?

Precious Time

by Mershon Niesner

At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent. Barbara Bush

Many years ago my daughter, Katie, gave me a beautiful little white china clock with gold trim. On the front is a plaque that says, “The love only grows with time.” I’ve had this clock on my desk since she gave it to me. It reminds me of her love, the importance of time well spent, and the power of ever-growing love.

A key to resilience and thriving in a life guaranteed to have bumps in the road is to live in the present. Remembering and treasuring the past, yes,  but living in a way that the majority of our thoughts and actions focus on the now…spending your time enjoying the person you’re with, reveling in today’s sunshine rather than lamenting yesterday’s clouds.

Affirmation: I spend my precious time wisely.

Coaching questions: If you’re not spending your precious time the way you wish, what’s keeping you from making a change? How do you want to spend your time? If you’re dwelling on the past, what is something you can do to pull yourself into the now? Who can help you?

A Hint of Heaven

by Mershon Niesner

Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads. Henry David Thoreau

I’m a life-long Christian and definitely believe in an afterlife. I don’t, however, believe our heavenly experience will be a glorified earthly experience. BUT, if it was, for me it would look like a farmer’s market.

I  just returned from the sunny, warm, “heavenly” market with stuffed grape leaves for lunch, fresh paella for dinner, an heirloom tomato that looks like a flower when you slice it, fresh made mozzarella (from the Italian guy who made it) for pizza on Saturday, and a bit of asparagus.

PLUS, I spoke with three friends, got to pet a new born kitten at Save the Cats booth, drank a cup of really good coffee while listening to an old timer sing and play guitar. Then, I bought two personally autographed books from my author-friend, Pauline.  Heavenly!

Affirmation: I can create my own hint of heaven.

Coaching question: What does your hint of heaven look like?

 

 

Avocado Toast

by Mershon Niesner

Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always. Hippocrates

It’s difficult to find a quote about comfort that doesn’t say, “Get out of your comfort zone!” and I usually agree. However, there are times that we all need comfort in our lives. Mother and wife to presidents, Barbara Bush, 92, its currently at the end of her life and is in “comfort care” as they say in hospice circles. She has requested that her caregivers and family no longer try to save her life but simply keep her comfortable until the end. Death is a reality for us all and Mrs. Bush has determined that it is her current reality.

“And where does avocado toast come in?”  you ask. It was my “comfort breakfast” this morning. Everyday I  make an effort to step out of my comfort zone to learn something new, meet someone new, consider an idea with which I might not agree.  However, today I started off with a favorite comfort food…avocado toast with a squeeze of lime and a pinch of sea salt. We all need a little comfort in our lives!

Affirmation: I know how to comfort myself.

Coaching question: What brings you comfort?

Good Grief

by Mershon Niesner

Grief is the reminder of the depth of our love. Gordon Wheeler, psychologist

In one of my all-time favorite books, The Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama says, “Sadness and grief are, of course, natural human responses to loss, but if your focus remains on the loved on you have just lost, the experience is less likely to lead to despair. In contrast, if your focus while grieving remains mostly on yourself–‘What am I going to do now? How can I cope?’–then there is a greater danger of going down the path of despair and depression. So much depends on how we respond to our experience of loss and sadness.”

The motherless daughters I talk to that seem to have made the adjustment to their loss, more frequently talk about all their mothers gave them, even if their time with them was short….rather than all they have lost because of her death. In some measure, both conversations are appropriate, of course, but focusing on the former seems to lead to more joy and less long term depression and grief.  Even by her death, my mother gave me a greater sense of independence, the heart-felt knowledge that death is a part of life, the ability to be more empathetic to those who have had loss.

Affirmation: My grief is healing.

Coaching questions: What is your response to loss? Is it working for you? What will help you focus more on the lost loved one and less on yourself?