Blog

Tame Your Gremlin

by Mershon Niesner

The language we use is extremely powerful. It is the frame through which we perceive and describe ourselves and our picture of the world. Iben Dissing Sandahl, a Danish licensed psychotherapist, family counsellor, teacher and author

Is your inner voice a friend or a foe? Is it giving you negative messages or affirming who you are and who you want to become? 

Lisa Coyne, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist, and author writes, “People do not hear voices, per se, but we do notice critical thoughts popping up as we go through our days.” Dr. Coyne goes on to explain how this is a good thing in the case of danger but sometimes it goes too far. 

“We have evolved to experience our thoughts as literal truths. It’s what allows us to learn indirectly by listening to what other people say, rather than only directly through our own experience. Our inner voice is always on, and it’s over inclusive in its estimation of what is threatening. These are features, not bugs, of our critical voice. It wouldn’t be a great threat detector if you could turn it off at will, and it wouldn’t be a great threat detector if it somehow underestimated threats, right?”

My experience and the experience of some of my coaching clients is that we can learn how to tame the Gremlin, the term I use for the negative inner voice. You’ll never slay the Gremlin because, as Coyne says, she’s there for a reason. However, you can learn to discern which negative thoughts are true or not, overcome all-or-nothing thinking, stop discounting the positive, and stop labeling yourself using negative language (fat, stupid, irresponsible). 

Affirmation: I am okay!

Coaching questions: What is your inner voice telling you? How can you “tame” your Gremlin (your negative thoughts)? What difference will positive self-talk make in your life? 

Photo by Giampiero Fanni on Unsplash

Feeling Inspired This New Year?

by Mershon Niesner

Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart. Roy T. Bennett, author of The Light in the Heart

Are you looking forward to the possibilities 2024 has to offer? Is your passion for something so strong that it’s pulling you forward? 

Congratulations, the feeling of being pulled forward is inspiration! Inspiration moves us to take action because the outcome is meaningful to us. When you do what inspires you, you’ll satisfy your soul and produce the best results.

In my opinion, inspiration is a process that frequently takes time so celebrate the small wins along the way. Inspiration is also cyclical. You may feel inspired one day but not the next. Don’t despair. Inspiration is a gift and if we remain willing to accept it, willing to change, willing to move beyond our comfort zone, inspiration will return. 

Affirmation: I will act on what inspires me.

Coaching questions: What are you inspired to do/be in 2024? How will you allow inspiration to work its magic on you? 

Flex Your Relationship Muscle

by Mershon Niesner

The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved. Mother Teresa, Albanian-Indian Catholic nun and the founder of the Missionaries of Charity

John Cacioppo, American neuroscientist and author of Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection, argues that loneliness developed for important evolutionary reasons; to remind us that, as social beings, we must seek the company of others. 

Twice as unhealthy as obesity, loneliness poses a significant health risk. Men are particularly vulnerable with nearly half of all men over 50 suffering from severe loneliness. This figure is expected to rise by 50% in the next fifteen years. 

Relationships require attention. Similar to keeping your muscles strong, without effort and attention, relationship atrophy can easily set in and, along with it, loneliness. 

This is the perfect time of year to reach out to someone who may be feeling lonely. Send them a note, give them a call, even a text acknowledges that you’re thinking about them. 

Affirmation: I will help myself and others feel less lonely.

Coaching questions: What are you doing to keep loneliness at bay? How are you reaching out to those who may be lonely? 

Photo by Mykyta Martynenko on Unsplash

Overcoming Negative Messages

by Mershon Niesner

The language we use is extremely powerful. It is the frame through which we perceive and describe ourselves and our picture of the world. Iben Dissing Sandahl, licensed psychotherapist, family counsellor, teacher, and author

Most of us have much to overcome as we learn to affirm ourselves. Perhaps you’re receiving negative messages such as, “You’re stupid, Why are you so irresponsible? You never get it right! If only you were more like your sister. Of course you can’t lose weight, you have no self discipline.” Do any of these sound familiar?

Dispelling the negative reinforcement you received as a child, the damaging words you are currently receiving from others or from yourself, can be a life-long task. However, taking the responsibility of affirming yourself and quieting your Inner Critic, or what I call my Gremlin, can be one of the most important success-factors for your life. You have the power to overcome your past, stand up to the present, and create the future you desire. By affirming yourself and editing out negative voices, you can live the abundant life you desire. 

Affirmation: I give myself positive messages.

Coaching questions: What is the voice in your head saying to you? How will you dispel the negative messages? How will you affirm yourself?

Photo by Colton Sturgeon on Unsplash

“NEVER AGAIN”

by Mershon Niesner

(Modified from an earlier blog—I believe it bears repeating)

Remember Pearl Harbor, never again. The Pearl Harbor motto.

On the morning of  December 7, 1941 there was a surprise military attack on Pearl Harbor, a U.S. naval base in Hawaii. The battle was the tipping factor that convinced the United States to enter into World War II.

As we come together in remembrance, we celebrate the ultimate triumph of the human spirit. However, no matter the result, war is always brutal and ugly. My dad hated all war. Besides WWII, he also served in the Korean conflict and spent his civilian career working in a Veterans’ Hospital. He witnessed the human devastation of war everyday. I pray that as we honor those who have lost their lives defending our freedom, we learn from our past. 

With war raging in Ukraine, Gaza, and other parts of the world, we must strive toward the motto “never again.”

Affirmation: I remember.

Coaching questions: How do you connect to this day in history? What contribution can you make to “never again”?

Photo by Robert Linder on Unsplash

Now, That’s Showing Gratitude!

by Mershon Niesner

When trying to go to sleep, instead of counting sheep, try counting things you’re grateful for— in alphabetical order. AJ Jacobs, author

If you live in the U.S.A., our national day of gratitude is just around the corner but I believe every day should be a day for giving thanks and AJ Jacobs, author of Thanks a Thousand, is just the guy to emulate. 

Jacob’s book recounts his mission to thank every single person who played a part in making his morning coffee, over 1,000 people. His journey took him from coffeeshop barista to the Colombian coffee farmer to the lid designer. Oh, he also thanked the lady from pest control who kept the bugs out of the coffee warehouse. 

Showing gratitude is good for our physical and mental health. Research indicates that keeping a gratitude journal helps patients in their recovery and health-care workers’ stress levels decline by an average of 28 percent. 

We humans are naturally negative. Spreading gratitude is a way to make the world a better place. 

Affirmation: I’m grateful.

Coaching questions/request: Who have you thanked today? What difference does it make when someone thanks you? Think of someone who rarely receives appreciation and thank them.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

You Have The Power! Help For The Holidays

by Mershon Niesner

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

Whether you’re celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah or other traditions, there’s no doubt that a busy and hectic season is on the horizon. Here are a few tips to help you to get off the treadmill and enjoy this time of year. 

Create a vision. Some folks thrive on the craziness of the season. Others…not so much. Visualize what a meaningful and realistic holiday season looks like for you.  

Decide what’s really important. To help you realize your vision, consider what’s really important in order for you and your family to celebrate this special time. (See coaching questions)

Consider how you feel about making changes. How do you feel when you honestly consider change—relieved,  guilty, desperate, selfish, sad? If there are things you think you “have to do” in order to make those around you happy, ask THEM how important it is before you assume the answer. Having the time and energy to spend quality time with the people you love may be the greatest gift.

You have the power. Affirm that you have the power to be present during the holidays and to enjoy the special occasions and people. Rather than being swept up in the craziness, create a vision, make decisions, ask and don’t assume, then have the best holidays ever!

    Affirmation: I will be proactive and enjoy the upcoming season!

    Coaching questions: In the age of social media, are cards still viable? Do the kids/grands really need more stuff or would lessons, events, or other non-tangibles be more meaningful? How much is enough when it comes to decorating? How many cookies do you really need to bake? If you’ve recently experienced a loss, how will you take care of yourself during this season? To whom will you confide if you need help? 

    Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

    Be True To Yourself!

    by Mershon Niesner

    (Correction to the last blog – photo was of Grogu not Yoda)

    Be bold, be brave enough to be your true self. Queen Latifah, American actress and rapper

    In the book The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford, asserts that as children our personalities are like mansions with many rooms. Unfortunately, as we get older we choose to shut down different parts of ourselves, closing off the rooms that either we or others deem as “not appropriate.”

    Some pundits think that one reason Taylor Swift is so popular is that she’s true to herself. In other words, she doesn’t bow to what others, especially the patriarchy, are telling her to do or be—she’s refusing to “close off rooms.”  They believe her Eras Tour offered a variety of ways to present aspects of identity. In fact, the song “Look What You Made Me Do” expresses the notion of revenge and rebirth in order to become a smarter, stronger person. 

    Affirmation: I will be true to myself!

    Coaching questions: What “rooms” have you closed off? What has it cost you? What will it take to be true to yourself and fully open the mansion that is your personality? 

    Listen To Master Yoda!

    by Mershon Niesner

    Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Master Yoda

    If you are a person who has experienced tragic mother loss especially early loss, abandonment, or murder, you’ve probably experienced fear at some level. Fear for your survival, fear of the future, fear of losing another parent, and/or fear of abandonment. 

    It’s only when we overcome our fears and, perhaps, our anger and hate, that we can truly flourish and live our best life. There has been enough suffering, let’s not inflict it upon ourselves by embracing our fears. Let’s move away from the dark side. 

    Affirmation: I’m fearless.

    Coaching questions: What fears do you have that need releasing? Be specific and name two. What is one step you can take to move away from this dark side of living?

    Photo by Emmanuel Denier on Unsplash

    Take Time To Check-In With Yourself

    by Mershon Niesner

    Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an un-lived life. Natalie Babbitt, American writer and illustrator

    Generally people take stock of their lives at the beginning of the year but, since I have time on my hands as I recover from hip surgery, I’m doing a fall check-in. Why, you ask? Because after a summer and fall of languishing in an environment focused mainly on myself, I want to examine ways I can make a difference in the future. 

    First, I listed all the organizations I belong to and my responsibilities in each. I also listed other things I do on a regular basis—write, exercise, etc. I considered which activities I want to continue, then I wondered if anything new needs to be added. I don’t know the answers yet but I’m feeling good about the process.

    Affirmation: Checking in with myself is a good thing from time to time.

    Coaching questions: Are you living your best life? Accomplishing what you want to accomplish? Making a difference? Have purpose? If not, or if you’re uncertain, consider taking an inventory of how you spend your days, months, years.