Blog

Burrowing Owls

by Mershon Niesner

“The pearls weren’t really white, they were a warm oyster beige, with little knots in between so if they broke, you only lost one. I wished my life could be like that, knotted up so that even if something broke, the whole thing wouldn’t come apart.” Janet Fitch, White Oleander

I took a short walk after dinner last night to check out the burrowing owl pair I had discovered a few weeks ago to see if there were any babies or owlets. When I approached the burrow, the male, about the size of a large robin, was sitting on a perch keeping watch and he hissed at me in warning. Apparently he decided I was harmless as his mate soon appeared. They watched me; I watched them.

This interaction reminded me of how lovely it is to have someone watching over you; protecting you; keeping an eye on your back. Early on, this is the role of a parent, later a friend or a spouse. Perhaps it is your dog who gives you comfort and watches out for you. One of the things we grieve when someone dies, or is lost in another way, is this sense of protection.

Affirmation: I am secure.

Coaching questions: From where does your protection or sense of security come? If you feel less than secure, what’s a step your can take to change this?

It’s About Attitude, Baby!

by Mershon Niesner

“The way we see the world is the way we experience the world.” Sonja Lyubomirsky, Psychologist as quoted from The Book of Joy

I’m a naturally positive person. My friend, Bev, says I have a “joy gene.” Sometimes my joy gene presents an unpopular view. A person in my writing critique group read a section of my upcoming book and said, “I’d never buy this book…it’s too positive.” That gave me a little pause..then it I dug in deeper.  Even as a teenager I was told by a camp counselor once that “life will catch up with you sometime.” In other words, she was saying that someday my joy would be eclipsed by life events. Well, folks, I’m happy to say…it hasn’t happened it yet.

According to Susan Cain, author of QUIET: The Power of Introverts, “If you’ve interpreted the events of your life to mean that you’re innately unlucky or unwise, then its hard to look optimistically at the future. Conversely, if you acknowledge the you’ve made mistakes and faced difficulties but seek (or have already glimpsed) redemption, you’ll feel a much greater sense of agency over your life (and your future).”

Affirmation: I am joy-filled.

Coaching questions: How do you see the world? How is that working for you?

Count Your Blessings

by Mershon Niesner

“It happened in New York, April 10th, nineteen years ago. Even my hand balks at the date. I had to push to write it down, just to keep the pen moving on the paper. It used to be a perfectly ordinary day, but now it sticks up on the calendar like a rusty nail.” Donna Tartt, The Goldfinch

Losing a mother at any age or stage of life is difficult. I talked to a friend who recently lost her 98 year old mother. She said, “She had lived a full life, we knew we were losing her but after she died, it was still a shock, still difficult.” As sad as it is, having a mother much of your life is surely a gift…as my friend acknowledged.

Allie, a young woman I interviewed for my book, is losing her mother to early onset Alzheimer’s. Her mother was 47 when she was diagnosed, Allie was 11, her sister was 9. Eight years later, Allie’s mother is in memory care and has lost many functions. I’m happy to say that Allie, after spending her high school years as a part time care giver, is now a thriving, well adjusted college student. But… to gradually lose a mother throughout your adolescence and early adulthood is a cruel blow. It makes me want to “count my blessings.”

Affirmation: I am emotionally strong.

Coaching questions: What blessings haven’t you counted lately? Take a moment right now and name five.

 

Evaluating

by Mershon Niesner

“Too often we let days and months slip by without stopping to examine how things are really going in our lives.” Bahram Akradi, Founder, Chairman, CEO of Life Time Fitness

Successful business women  evaluate objectives and outcomes in their business on a regular basis. Corporations do the same. But do we do this in our personal lives or do we  bump along day in and day out taking things as they come without considering where we are going? Taking a few minutes daily, weekly or monthly to consider where you are in your life, where you’re going, and what kind of impact you’re having on the world around you can be a valuable use of time.

My friend who lost her husband nearly a year ago evaluates her grieving progress in terms of three steps forward, two steps backward. Sometimes she is able to label what those steps are. It helps her see progress and know that joy is slowly but surely returning to her life.

Affirmation: I am moving forward.

Coaching questions: What would evaluating the objectives and outcomes in your personal life look like for you? What difference might it make?

Hard Truths

by Mershon Niesner

“Tell the truth, work hard, and come to dinner on time.” Gerald R. Ford

Julie Yip-Williams (see her story on CBS Sunday Morning, see her blog – “My Cancer Fighting Journey”), a young woman with daughters 6 and 8, died recently after a hard fought battle with colon cancer. Her bog inspired my blog. She was brutally honest about her disease, her upcoming death, and what this meant to her family. She prepared her daughters as best she could. Her story is compelling and I’m inspired by her hard truth telling.

When I speak with motherless daughters, so many recount stories of how the “C-Word” was never mentioned before or after their mother died. In some cases, the mother wasn’t talked about after her death. Daughters tell me that these non-truth telling circumstances became even more damaging to them than the fact of their mother’s death.

Affirmation: I have the courage to tell hard truths.

Coaching questions: What hard truths are not shared in your family? What is that costing you? How did your family handle the hard truth of your mother’s death? What difference did that make in your life?

Expecting the Unexpected

by Mershon Niesner

“No one is so brave that he is not disturbed by something unexpected.” Julius Caesar

It is April 9th in the Chicago area and it is snowing…somewhat unexpected…especially for this Florida gal. It was August 10th when my presumably healthy husband of 10 months, age 53, dropped dead of a heart attack. Extremely unexpected! However, after losing a mother at age 8, I think I grew up “expecting the unexpected”…at least more so than the average person.

Jamais Cascio, author and futurist, says, “Resilience is all about being able to overcome the unexpected. Sustainability is about survival. The goal of resilience is to thrive.” Perhaps this  resilience is one positive outcome for those of us who have experienced early loss.

Affirmation: I can handle the unexpected.

Coaching questions: How do you handle the unexpected? What will help you develop greater resilience for the surprises life brings?

Grilled Cheese

by Mershon Niesner

“Grilled cheese and tomato soup is the ultimate comfort food.” Ina Garten, The Barefoot Contessa

On Sundays after church and Sunday school my kids were tired, hungry and cranky. Frankly, so was I. My go-to lunch was frequently grilled cheese sandwiches. Quick, hot, yummy. So, I agree with Ina Garten. Actually, I’m a huge Barefoot Contessa fan…her show, her books, her husband. Yes, Jeffrey. He isn’t just a snuggly guy who comes home for lunch. He is Dean Emeritus at the Yale School of Management and teaches classes on global economy. I’ve actually read his book, From Silk to Silicon, and it was outstanding…informative and readable. They are a couple I’d like to have as friends!

Mostly I’m an advocate for healthy eating…eating to live; not living to eat. But sometimes we need a little comfort food in our lives to sooth us or tame the “Hangries” (hungry=angry).

Affirmation: I know how to comfort myself.

Coaching questions: What’s your comfort food? What else do you do to comfort yourself? Is it working? If not, what can you do to make a change?

Laughing Out Loud

by Mershon Niesner

“Humor leads to social bonding due to shared positive emotions and the discharge of negative ones.” Nicole Fuentes quoted from Blue Zones newsletter

Yesterday I had the rare treat of spending the day with my daughter Katie and her family. Much of the day it was just the two of us hanging out while the kids were in school. We are both talkers and have a never-ending conversation punctuated with lots of loud laughter. While talking, we were making Christmas ornaments for her Etsy business Tuscanycreative. What a fun day!

I’ve read that people who laugh alot tend to be more extroverted, have higher levels of self-esteem, and lower levels of depression. Laughter is also good for your health…lowering your stress levels and releasing beneficial hormones.  I took a Laughter Vitamin yesterday and it felt really good.

Affirmation: Laughter makes me feel good, I feel good because I laugh.

Coaching questions: What brings you joy and laughter? Find something to laugh about today.

Charlie Brown Wisdom

by Mershon Niesner

“The smile on my face doesn’t mean my life is perfect. It means I appreciate what I have and what I have been blessed with. I choose to be happy.” Charlie Brown via Charles Schultz

When I was in high school, my Aunt Lucy sent me Charles Schultz’s book Happiness Is a Warm Puppy which was published in 1962. I’ve always loved Charlie Brown and friends. To many of you, happiness is literally a dog or other pet. Of course that faithful, beloved pet doesn’t solve all of your problems or erase all of your hurts but he/she does put a smile on your face and that’s a big step towards having joy in your life.

Sometimes people assume “smiley people” are either faking it or have a “perfect” life. Sometimes they are faking it, sometimes life is really good, sometimes they are simply choosing to be happy despite their life circumstances.

Affirmation: I choose to be happy.

Coaching question: What do you choose to be? How is that working for you?

What I Know For Sure

by Mershon Niesner

“The true meaning of courage is to be afraid, and then, with your knees knocking and your heart racing, to step out anyway–even when that step makes sense to nobody but you. I know that’s not easy. But making a bold move is the only way to truly advance towards the grandest vision the universe has for you.” Oprah

I’m a big Oprah fan. I’ve read every Oprah magazine cover to cover since they were first published. Sometimes I start at the last page, the What I Know For Sure page. It’s almost like her monthly blog. Sometimes there is advice, sometimes profound stories, or observations of who and what is around her.

What I know for sure is I believe in her quote above. Of course, there are times that being afraid and NOT doing something is important. Here she’s talking about a life experience that you know in your heart is good for you but is scary at the same time…quitting a corporate job to pursue your dream of entrepreneurship, getting on Match.com to see where it takes you, setting up lunch with someone you barely know but with whom you felt a connection, saying I will or I do.

Affirmation: I am brave.

Coaching question: What am I afraid of that is keeping me from being all I can be? What’s an action I will take today to step out with knees knocking?