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Quilts and Gardens

by Mershon Niesner

Creativity is contagious, past it on. Albert Einstein

I lost two precious girlfriends this year. Both were voracious quilters and gardeners. Both died unexpectedly. Both left tangible evidence of their amazing creativity. I’m grateful for their legacies in my life.

About 15 years ago, my son, Dan, saw a blue jean quilt in a Martha Stewart magazine and asked if I would make him one. Not being a quilter, I was skeptical but he was eager and brought me all the supplies including huge jeans he found at thrift stores. I made that one-time quilt and he still has it. He told his all-women coworkers about it once and they asked him to bring it in. He told me what they said.  “Your mom sure loves you.” As loved ones remember my dear friends, a similar story could be repeated many, many times.

Affirmation: I am creative.

Coaching questions: Do you have something that belonged to your mom that is special to you? What will you leave for your children to remember you by?

My Ubuntu Bracelet

by Mershon Niesner

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. Rachel Naomi Remen, author and teacher

Archbishop Desmond Tutu and I wear Ubuntu bracelets.  His came first…I got mine yesterday in the mail. I learned about the Archbishop’s bracelet from The Book of Joy, the book I so frequently quote. We both wear the bracelet to affirm our connectedness and interdependence to one another. Although the term and bracelet originated in Southern Africa, I bought mine on Etsy and it came with a tag that reads, “I am because we are.”

As daughters who have lost mothers we have a special bond of understanding and experience. I strive to demonstrate this connectedness to all.

Affirmation: I am connected to and depend on the human family.

Coaching questions: To whom are you connected? How do you demonstrate your connectedness?

 

 

Doll Houses

by Mershon Niesner

If you carry your childhood with you, you never become older. Sir Tom Stoppard, Knighted British playwright

Yesterday was my “day off.” I know, I’m retired so everyday is my day off. Even in retirement (thank goodness)  most of my days are scheduled and busy. I make an effort, however, to keep Thursdays free. Yesterday I went to the gym, planted some leftover flowers in the yard (Easter lilies and poinsettias), then I went to visit my wonderful friend, Donna. Her condo always feels like a peaceful sanctuary…her own beautiful art on the walls, a spectacular water view, her calming personality and true wisdom.

Today she had something special to share…a doll house she had made several years earlier. Architecturally, it was exactly like her grandmother’s house and the fixtures also reflected this house of the past…patchwork quilt, wallpaper, claw-foot tub, ice box, wood stove…many of the special touches she had created herself. Here we were, two 70-somethings head to head peering into this darling house, exclaiming over every detail. For several minutes we were delightfully transported to being little girls again. What a wonderful day off!!

If your childhood was full of adult responsibilities or cut short because of the loss of a mother, it is especially important to discover, recognize, and honor the child within you.

Affirmation: I honor the child within.

Coaching question: What keeps you in touch with your inner child? How does it feel with you honor her?

Precious Time

by Mershon Niesner

At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent. Barbara Bush

Many years ago my daughter, Katie, gave me a beautiful little white china clock with gold trim. On the front is a plaque that says, “The love only grows with time.” I’ve had this clock on my desk since she gave it to me. It reminds me of her love, the importance of time well spent, and the power of ever-growing love.

A key to resilience and thriving in a life guaranteed to have bumps in the road is to live in the present. Remembering and treasuring the past, yes,  but living in a way that the majority of our thoughts and actions focus on the now…spending your time enjoying the person you’re with, reveling in today’s sunshine rather than lamenting yesterday’s clouds.

Affirmation: I spend my precious time wisely.

Coaching questions: If you’re not spending your precious time the way you wish, what’s keeping you from making a change? How do you want to spend your time? If you’re dwelling on the past, what is something you can do to pull yourself into the now? Who can help you?

A Hint of Heaven

by Mershon Niesner

Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads. Henry David Thoreau

I’m a life-long Christian and definitely believe in an afterlife. I don’t, however, believe our heavenly experience will be a glorified earthly experience. BUT, if it was, for me it would look like a farmer’s market.

I  just returned from the sunny, warm, “heavenly” market with stuffed grape leaves for lunch, fresh paella for dinner, an heirloom tomato that looks like a flower when you slice it, fresh made mozzarella (from the Italian guy who made it) for pizza on Saturday, and a bit of asparagus.

PLUS, I spoke with three friends, got to pet a new born kitten at Save the Cats booth, drank a cup of really good coffee while listening to an old timer sing and play guitar. Then, I bought two personally autographed books from my author-friend, Pauline.  Heavenly!

Affirmation: I can create my own hint of heaven.

Coaching question: What does your hint of heaven look like?

 

 

Avocado Toast

by Mershon Niesner

Cure sometimes, treat often, comfort always. Hippocrates

It’s difficult to find a quote about comfort that doesn’t say, “Get out of your comfort zone!” and I usually agree. However, there are times that we all need comfort in our lives. Mother and wife to presidents, Barbara Bush, 92, its currently at the end of her life and is in “comfort care” as they say in hospice circles. She has requested that her caregivers and family no longer try to save her life but simply keep her comfortable until the end. Death is a reality for us all and Mrs. Bush has determined that it is her current reality.

“And where does avocado toast come in?”  you ask. It was my “comfort breakfast” this morning. Everyday I  make an effort to step out of my comfort zone to learn something new, meet someone new, consider an idea with which I might not agree.  However, today I started off with a favorite comfort food…avocado toast with a squeeze of lime and a pinch of sea salt. We all need a little comfort in our lives!

Affirmation: I know how to comfort myself.

Coaching question: What brings you comfort?

Good Grief

by Mershon Niesner

Grief is the reminder of the depth of our love. Gordon Wheeler, psychologist

In one of my all-time favorite books, The Book of Joy, the Dalai Lama says, “Sadness and grief are, of course, natural human responses to loss, but if your focus remains on the loved on you have just lost, the experience is less likely to lead to despair. In contrast, if your focus while grieving remains mostly on yourself–‘What am I going to do now? How can I cope?’–then there is a greater danger of going down the path of despair and depression. So much depends on how we respond to our experience of loss and sadness.”

The motherless daughters I talk to that seem to have made the adjustment to their loss, more frequently talk about all their mothers gave them, even if their time with them was short….rather than all they have lost because of her death. In some measure, both conversations are appropriate, of course, but focusing on the former seems to lead to more joy and less long term depression and grief.  Even by her death, my mother gave me a greater sense of independence, the heart-felt knowledge that death is a part of life, the ability to be more empathetic to those who have had loss.

Affirmation: My grief is healing.

Coaching questions: What is your response to loss? Is it working for you? What will help you focus more on the lost loved one and less on yourself?

Hamilton

by Mershon Niesner

The show is proof that history remembers/ We live through times when hate and fear seem stronger/ We rise and fall and light from dying embers, remembrances that hope and love last longer.  Lin-Manuel Miranda, a sonnet from his Tony acceptance speech for Hamilton.

I plan to see the musical Hamilton this summer in Chicago. My 13- year-old granddaughter, Tuscany, is a complete Hamilton fan. She and her friends dressed up like characters from Hamilton for Halloween. She’s my inspiration to attend. I’m taking her…shhh, its a secret.

Hamilton is set in a time of bitter political rivalry but it is a story of patriotism and hope. In an interview with Oprah, Miranda said, “And the most important gift you can give your kids is empathy. It’s the number one tool in an artist’s toolbox. You can’t create art if you can’t understand what someone else has been through and then try to articulate it.”

Affirmation: I am empathetic

Coaching question: What’s one way you can be more empathetic towards those around you?