Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

What Does the New Normal Look Like For You?

by Mershon Niesner

We sense that ‘normal’ isn’t coming back, that we are being born into a new normal: a new kind of society, a new relationship to the earth, a new experience of being human. Charles Eisenstein, author and speaker

In these unusual times, it’s important to establish a “new normal” for ourselves and our families. Most people thrive on routine. Although it might feel like you’re on vacation for a while, the lack of structure can be detrimental especially for younger people and those who are accustomed to going to an office outside their homes. 

Years ago I taught day-long workshops on How To Work From Home Successfully (I successfully worked from home for almost 20 years). Here are a few tips from that workshop:

 

  • Get up at the usual time (go to bed at the usual time too) 
  • Get dressed (do NOT stay in pajama pants), shave, comb your hair, shower
  • Establish a work routine including coffee break, lunch break
  • If possible, create a work space that is out of the family zone
  • If necessary, educate your family on the fact that you’re working so they can have food on the table.
  • Work your normal hours (8 am-5 pm, five days a week or whatever is normal for you)
  • Resist the temptation of  household chores, social media, text messages, television, or personal emails during your work day.

Affirmation: I will embrace my new normal.

Coaching questions/request: Create a “new normal” routine for yourself. What’s your biggest challenge right now? What’s one step you will take to overcome it?

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Photo by LinkedIn Sales Navigator on Unsplash

Eight Ways To Help You Feel Less Fearful

by Mershon Niesner

Courage is knowing what not to fear. Plato

Fear is running rampant in these troubled times as we face the Covid-19 virus and all the upheaval it’s causing. Some healthy fear and a good dose of caution is warranted. Here are tips to help you keep manage your fears: 

  1. Stay informed but know when to step away from news of all kinds. Be aware of how much information is too much for you then have the discipline to step away. 
  2. Get yourself out of the way. Consider what you can do, either virtually or in person, for those who may be more affected than you. 
  3. Take care of yourself. Keep up your healthy routine including good sleep, healthy eating, exercise, and a spiritual practice (especially if your place of worship is closed).
  4. Acknowledge your fear. Validate your feelings. Treat that scared little girl inside gently.
  5. Make a plan. Create a to do list (i.e. clean out the closets, make soup) and consider how you’d handle a health emergency. Planning is more useful to help you gain a sense of control than buying more toilet paper.
  6. Keep in touch. Call a friend or family member if you’re feeling lonely. Keep your extended family informed. Email and texting may not be as satisfying as they once were. It’s nice to hear a loved one’s voice when we are isolated.
  7. Trust yourself. In my experience people generally have a greater capacity to handle hardship than they think they do. Affirm your capabilities!
  8. Fear not! The words “fear not” show up in the Bible 365 times for a reason.

Affirmation: I trust myself and my capabilities.

Coaching questions: Who can you turn to for support right now? What can you do to help others? How will you use this time “away” productively?

Please note: If you are feeling severely depressed, anxious, or fearful, seek professional help. If you think a few minutes talking on the phone with a Certified Life Coach would be helpful, let me know in the comments section below. 

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Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash

Poop Or Petals?

by Mershon Niesner

A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing. Laura Ingalls Wilder, author

It’s the start of the 2020 burrowing owl nesting season on Marco Island, Florida. It’s the time of year the male owls are busy decorating their burrow entrances to attract their lifetime mates. 

According to an article by Maria Lamb in the Coastal Breeze, “The male owl goes nuts in their decoration choices. Some male owls prefer grass clippings while others prefer bright colored flowers, but their absolute favorite is dried up dog poop. Owls living on ranches display similar preferences for cow poop.” Who knew?

Just a little levity in these “heavy” times.

Affirmation: Humor is all around us.

Coaching question: If you were a female owl what would you prefer??

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Photo by Jhoneil Centeno on Unsplash

Embracing “Bubble-Ups”

by Mershon Niesner

So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good.” Helen Keller

One of the daughters I interviewed for my book referred to her sudden mother-memories as “bubble-ups.” We all have them. Those sights, smells, songs, sayings that cause the bubbling up of a memory of a precious person in our life who is gone. 

These bubble-ups frequently catch us off guard, surprising us with their power. Other bubble-ups are predictable like when the University of Nebraska football team takes the field, I can’t help but shed a tear…my dad is right there with me.

Affirmation: Memories are precious to me.

Coaching questions: What “bubble-ups” do you have? How do you handle them?

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Photo by Paul Schellekens on Unsplash

The Weight of Regret

by Mershon Niesner

We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons. Jim Rohn, motivational speaker

When I say “no” to a bowl of chips, I think of a version of this quote. I usually say to myself, Eventually discipline will have to intervene—now or 100 pounds from now. Choose wisely. I use this concept with relationship issues as well like choosing (mostly) to not respond to inflaming and, frequently, untrue political posts on Facebook or, more seriously, to tell someone I love that I’m sorry.

I try to keep a “clean slate” with people I care about. It’s been my experience that one never knows when there will no longer be a chance to say “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you.”

Affirmation: I choose discipline.

Coaching questions: Are you in danger of carrying around the weight of regret? What will it take for you to exercise discipline in this matter?

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Photo by i yunmai on Unsplash

Gratitude Makes Sense

by Mershon Niesner

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. Melody Beattie, author

Did you know that positive thoughts create pathways in the brain? The more you feel gratitude, the easier it becomes. In addition, you’ll attract more for which to be grateful.

The motherless daughters I spoke with who found the path back to gratitude seemed to have also found a way to move forward in their lives. Expressing gratitude may sound like a cliche but being grateful for even the smallest thing will make a difference in your life. 

Affirmation: I am grateful.

Coaching questions/request: How do you show gratitude? When you were at a low point in your life, how did gratitude lift you up? Say thank you to God for His creation, to a person in your life for their love, or to yourself for noticing that you’re grateful. 

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Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Unsplash

Treasure Your Small Memories

by Mershon Niesner

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” Abraham Lincoln

One of the few memories I have of my mother is the “coffee klatches” she and I attended in backyards on sunny summer mornings in Grand Island, Nebraska. Neighbor ladies congregated at ten, with kids in tow, to have a cup of coffee, enjoy each other’s companionship while taking a break from housework. 

What a lovely, lost tradition. It was late 1940’s to early 1950’s when we talked with each other face to face and lived at a slower pace. I “took care of” the younger kids. I was eight or younger but I was the big kid that pulled red wagons and tossed balls.

Affirmation: Memories are precious.

Coaching question/request: What’s a small, early memory of another time that is precious to you? Sit with your memory, allow yourself to float back to that time and place; soak in the moment.

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Photo by Blake Meyer on Unsplash

Ten Phrases We All Like To Hear

by Mershon Niesner

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert

It’s important to let the people in your life know that you are listening to what they say and hearing what they mean.

Here are ten things people generally love to hear, or questions they like to be asked – IF they are genuine and from the heart.

—I was thinking about you

—What do you think?

—I’m curious about _______, tell me more.

—I’m proud of you! 

—I miss you.

—I am praying for you.

—I really admire _________ about you. 

—I saw this _________ and it reminded me of you.

—Last time we talked you said ________, how’s that going?

—Thanks for being a special friend to me.

Affirmation: I listen.

Coaching question: What will help you think less about what people are thinking about you and more about expressing what you think about others?

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Photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash

Can You Laugh At Yourself?

by Mershon Niesner

I, myself, am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions. Augusten Burroughs, American writer

I find people who can laugh at themselves very attractive. Self-deprecating individuals have enough self-esteem to make fun of their flaws, speak with direct honesty, and make me laugh. While these folks are tickling my funny bone, they are doing something good for themselves as well. Experts link self-deprecating humor with increased levels of optimism and an opportunity to be perceived as more lovable and approachable.

Laughing at ourselves introduces a little cheer into our otherwise serious world and lets others know it’s okay to be imperfect.

Affirmation: I can laugh at myself.

Coaching questions: Do you have a person flaw or social faux pas story you tell on yourself? How do people respond to you? How do you perceive people who can laugh at themselves?

 

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Photo by Anastasia Vityukova on Unsplash

Who Are Your Closest Five?

by Mershon Niesner

In prosperity our friends know us. In adversity, we know our friends. Colin Powell, American politician and retired four-star general 

Friends are exceptionally important to me. As an early loss, motherless daughter and only child, I frequently seek out women to fill the mother/sister void in my life. I’ve learned that in adversity we know our friends, as General Powell says. In my lifetime, I have disappointed people, made them angry, and lost their trust. Some friends retaliated and abandoned me, others, the true friends, stood by me knowing I needed help to regain my balance. I’ve learned to carefully chose my friends. 

Jim Rohn, author and motivational speaker, says, “The most intimate of our associations, the closest five, have the greatest impact on our self worth, our habits, and our lifestyles.” Choose your five well—be one of the five for someone else. Friends matter!

Affirmation: I choose my friends carefully. 

Coaching questions: What do friends mean to you? If you don’t have close friends, how might you cultivate meaningful relationships? In what ways do you show up as a friend?

IMG_3763.jpgOne of my closest five