Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

How to Play the Hand You’re Dealt

January 14, 2019January 13, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Life isn’t fair, so you have to play the best game you can with the cards you’re dealt. Marla Acosta, author

As I thought about my post about boredom yesterday, I knew I had to tell you a story. My BFF, Nancy, will be 84 in March, she’s a widow who lives alone in the country and is confined to a wheelchair. She no longer drives. Doesn’t this sound like the most boring life ever? Not to Nancy. She has learned to reframe her circumstances and knows how to “let the magic happen.” She loves to watch the birds at her various feeders, makes cards for shut-ins, reads, makes jewelry, plays word games with my husband and others who live around the country. She attends church functions, family events, and has frequent outings. She cooks, does laundry, irons, washes dishes.

In addition, my friend is the most delightful person you’d ever want to be around. Her personality attracts frequent visitors and callers. I always feel uplifted when we speak on the phone and treasure the three or four times a year we are together. Bored? Never. She has learned to play the hand she was dealt and is winning the game.

Affirmation: I want to be like Nancy.

Coaching question: How do you want to show up as you age? What can you do now to plant the seeds for a fulfilling life—no matter the hand your dealt?

This photo was taken at a tea a few years ago. Nancy is on the left

Embrace the Pause

January 13, 2019January 13, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting. Jon Kabat-Zinn, American professor

Friedrich Nietzsche referred to boredom as the “unpleasant calm that precedes creative acts.” Embrace boredom as a positive force. Think of it as the pause that makes magic happen. I claim to never be bored. That’s not to say I don’t have hours free of activity, conversation, or other stimuli. After a busy week like I just experienced, there is nothing I enjoy more than a day with nothing planned, a day to linger over a cup of tea, to read, to water plants. No time frame, no urgency, no goals.

Routine chores like cooking or folding laundry can feel boring. However, we can reframe them as a time of meditation or the task that gives us a sense of achievement. Boredom isn’t about what you do but how you do it. It helps you rethink your relationship with the world. Embrace the blank page, the silence, the pause.

Affirmation: I embrace the pause.

Coaching request: This week, take a moment to sit with the silence, the boredom, the comma in your life. Resist the temptation to fill every moment—checking the weather, the news, Facebook. Let your mind wander and see where it takes you. Let the magic happen.

Three Steps to Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking

January 12, 2019January 12, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela

They tell us that the number one fear is public speaking, which frequently masks the fear of rejection. That’s not my fear but I’ll trust the facts. I’d speak to a big group anytime rather than drive or ride down an Interstate highway. Here are a few tips for those of you who do fear public speaking:

1. Start out small. Practice by asking a question in a committee meeting or book club. Stand up and introduce yourself when given the opportunity.

2. When you graduate to a larger venue, focus on what you’re giving the audience rather than how the audience may be judging you. View your speaking as an act of generosity.

3. Affirm yourself prior to speaking by saying things like, “I am confident and competent.” Take a deep breath, feel the fear, then do it anyway. A certain amount of nervousness keeps you on your toes.

Affirmation: I can conquer my fears.

Coaching questions: What frightens you? Is it holding you back from achieving your dreams or goals? What’s one step you will take today to overcome your fear?

Learning To Trust

January 11, 2019January 11, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships. Stephen Covey, author

After I post this blog, I’m heading out to particulate in my writers’ critique group. Twice a month, five writers come together to read and critique each other’s work. I’m bringing future newspaper columns for them to comment on and correct.

Yesterday, my editor returned a re-written chapter from my book manuscript. Frequent evaluation isn’t for the faint of heart but it is a wonderful learning opportunity. For me, the important ingredient in the process is to trust those who are critiquing or editing. Trust that they have my best interest in mind, that they have expertise in writing/editing, and they are being completely honest in their evaluation. Difficult but gratifying.

Affirmation: Through trust, I learn.

Coaching questions: How do you feel about critiques or evaluations? Can your self esteem handle it? If you have a difficult question or problem to discuss, consider who you trust enough to help you evaluate.

What’s Keeping You From Regular Exercise?

January 10, 2019January 9, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness. Edward Stanley, author

“I don’t have time, I get enough exercise using the stairs, my health is fine so I don’t need to exercise.” I’ve heard all the excuses and used a few myself from time to time. And yet…statistics and our intuition tells us how important exercise is to our health and well-being. I’m talking about dedicated exercise….biking, walking, swimming, weights, yoga, palates….a combination of strength training and aerobic exercise.

According to the Department of Health and Human Services, only one in three children are physically active every day and less than five percent of adults participate in thirty minutes of physical activity each day. Only one in three adults receive the recommended amount of physical activity each week. Sharing this phenomena with others should not be comforting. Of course, early death or disability can take anyone but I’d just as soon hedge my bets and find time for regular exercise.

Affirmation: I exercise regularly.

Coaching questions: What’s keeping you from regular exercise? What’s one thing you will do this week to move towards a regular exercise program?

Be Defiant In the Face of Death

January 9, 2019January 9, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

For someone who is seriously ill, celebrating life and relationships is almost a defiant act. Even death can’t take from us who we are and have been for one another. Dr. Ira Byock, author of Dying Well

Dr. Byock, a palliative care physician and expert in end of life decisions, believes that nobody should have to die in pain or alone. He is dedicating his life to making this dream come true. While dying is unwanted, sometimes tragic, and always sad, it’s not only those things. It can also be a time of celebrating a life well lived and the relationships one has made.

Accepting the reality of death enables families to say thank you or please forgive me. When death is talked about openly, it gives the patient the opportunity to express his/her concerns about spouses, children or grandchildren, finances, or other pressing issues. Honest conversation unlocks the door of guilt and secrecy frequently associated with serious illness.

Affirmation: I’m not afraid to talk about death and dying.

Coaching questions: What are your end of life wishes? Do you know the wishes of your spouse, parents or grandparents? What would it be like to openly discuss death and dying even with those who are well? Take a first step in initiating discussions.

Color On Your Paper

January 8, 2019January 8, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

We’re all a little broken but the last time I checked, broken crayons still color. Trent Shelton, former football player

Perhaps life has knocked you around a bit and you feel a little broken—physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. You’re not alone. If we live long enough, we all experience pain, loss, regret, grief, fear. It’s part of the human experience.

But, as Shelton says, even broken, we have the potential to fulfill our destiny. In the case of a crayon, that destiny is to put color on the paper. What’s yours?

Affirmation: I can still make a difference.

Coaching questions: What’s your destiny, mission, or calling? Even if you’ve been battered and broken, you can still make a difference. Get out there and put some “color on the paper.”

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What’s Your Word?

January 7, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

I do believe in starting the new year with new resolve, but instead of adopting a resolution, I choose a word of the year—a word that encapsulates my aspirations for the twelve months ahead. Melinda Gates, philanthropist

For the last two years Melinda Gates has chosen the word “grace” and she thinks it is making a difference. She tells a story of the heart break she experiences when she visits children who are dying from preventable disease. Then she says, “A broken heart gives me urgency. A moment of grace gives me hope. That’s the power of a well-chosen word of the year. It makes the year better—and it helps me be better too.”

I think Gates is on to something. I’m choosing “impact” for my word of the year. I want to make an impact in the world—with my blog, my column, and, eventually, my book. I also want to impact others by caring about them, being a good friend, and fighting for policies to help our country thrive.

Affirmation: I will make an impact this year.

Coaching questions: If you decided to choose a word, what would it be? Why? What difference can you envision it making?

Tips On Powering Down

January 6, 2019January 6, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant. Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist

A 2017 study published in Journal of Affective Disorders found that the more time 18-22 year-olds spent on social media the more likely they were to have symptoms of anxiety. You may not be in that age group, but at any age social media can be eroding your self-esteem and increasing your anger and frustration quotient. And it’s not just social media. Having a phone pinging all day, interrupting your thoughts, conversations, and work isn’t doing you any favors either.

If you think you are being negatively influenced by media, set aside time everyday to disconnect. Start with small increments. Consider being phone-free during meals, the last hour before bed, during your daily quiet time. Your friends, family, and self-esteem will thank you.

Affirmation: I can power down.

Coaching questions: Take a moment to consider your social media and smart phone habits. How are they contributing to your overall well-being? What’s working, what isn’t? Will you take the challenge to power down during certain times of the day? What difference might it make?

What Are Your Three Wishes?

January 5, 2019January 5, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

I don’t regret what I’ve been through. I’ve had ups and downs, super highs and some really low lows. I’ve been so blessed that I could never say, ‘I wish this didn’t happen.’ It’s part of who I am. Jennifer Lopez, performer and much more

Alexa, that Internet “thingie” that answers all of your questions when you ask her, moved in today. It’s like having a Genie In A Bottle. It made me wonder, If I had a Genie for real, what would I wish for? Like Lopez, I wouldn’t change much in the past or present. The highs and lows of my life formed me, molded me into this less-than-perfect, 73-year old woman with whom I’m pretty comfortable.

If you’ve experienced recent loss, my guess is you would wish it away. But the inevitable can’t be wished away forever. All living things come to an end, we just want them to stay with us as long as possible. Perhaps that’s a reasonable wish. I’d also pick world peace, eradication of cancer, Alzheimer’s and other horrible diseases, and I’m not too crazy about hurricanes. But I choose not to wish my life away. How about you?

Affirmation: I have no regrets.

Coaching questions: If you had three wishes, what would they be? How have you been changed by the ups and downs of your life? What will help you be content with where you are in your life right now?