Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

At a Snail’s Pace

by Mershon Niesner

Snails do not despair for having short legs, but rejoice for being able to travel long distances in spite of them. Matshona Dhliwayo, Canadian philosopher, entrepreneur, author

Do you despair having short legs like the snail or extra pounds or thick ankles? Women in particular seem to see what needs to be “fixed” rather than what is terrific. Although I still lament those extra pounds that have plagued me most of my adult life, as I’ve aged I’ve become more and more thankful for a healthy body, no matter the flaws.

Frequently we can become so identified with the losses, heartaches and all that we despair, we lose sight of the those things for which we can rejoice. It might take the snail a week of non-stop travel to move a half mile down the road but he’s still moving forward. Be like the snail.

Affirmation: I rejoice in my healthy body and the ability to move forward.

Coaching question/request: What snail-like step can you take today to move away from despair? Think about the one thing you like the least about your body and affirm it anyway.

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Together We Make Change

by Mershon Niesner

Each one of us can make a difference. Together we make change. Barbara Mikulski, former U.S. Senator

In the last few days, my blog was visited by people from Canada, Hong Kong, Italy, India, China, Ireland, Russia, South Africa, Germany, United Kingdom, and the United States. The power of the Internet never ceases to amaze me. I started my blog on March 12 and have blogged everyday since (missing one day without Internet).

The blog was created to promote my yet-to-be-published book, Mom’s Gone—Now What? but it has turned into so much more. I know a few of my followers count on it to show up in their email everyday to read with their morning coffee. I do it for them. Some readers are the daughters I interviewed for my book. I do it for them. I write it for myself as well….to probe the depths of my heart and brain, to share thoughts that may resinate, to make a difference.

Affirmation: I can make a difference.

Coaching questions: In what ways do you make a difference? In what new way would you like to make a difference? Take one step today in that direction. 

Wise Women Cultivate Friendships

by Mershon Niesner

Of all the things which wisdom provides to make life entirely happy, much the greatest is the possession of friendship. Epicurus, Philosopher

I’m very fortunate to have good friends. Being an only child, friends become “sisters” to me and I cherish them. Unlike children, grandchildren, and other relatives, friends choose one another. I’m not sure what Epicurus had in mind when he spoke of wisdom and friendship, but I do know that a wise woman seeks friends with whom she can be truly herself, women (and men) who share her joys and sorrows, who help her to become a better person, who make her heart sing. 

If your life is confined to your work and immediate family or husband and grandchildren, cat or dog, I encourage you to find a friend. Friends take time, energy, and cultivation (just like a beautiful garden) but, believe me, they will enhance your life for the rest of your life.

Affirmation: I seek out and have good friends.

Coaching questions: What do friends mean to you? If you are missing one or more really good friends, what steps can you take to attract friends into your life? 

Coaching request: Tell a friend how much she means to you. 

Living In a Painting

by Mershon Niesner

Winter is a etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all. Stanley Horowitz, author

What an inspiring quote. I love thinking of the seasons in terms of art. Fall is now officially upon us and in the northern climates of the U.S. and other parts of the world, leaves are beginning to change and summer’s bloom is fading. Some days are hot, others cool…a true mosaic of other seasons. 

Here in south Florida, I’m noticing the terrific growth that occurred during the summer. Although hurricane Irma stripped and downed many trees and caused great damage, only traces remain. Life is like that. Storms sweep through, damage is done, then renewal follows in abundance. 

Affirmation: I embrace the seasons of life.

Coaching question: What does the painting of your like look like? What medium have you used? How can you renew the damage you’ve experienced? 

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Celebrating Those We Have Lost

by Mershon Niesner

When we die, we will turn into songs, and we will hear each other and remember. Rob Sheffield, American journalist

One way I celebrate my Nebraska roots and my dad’s life is by watching University of Nebraska football. In case you don’t know, Nebraska fans are the twelfth man on the field and the loudest, most passionate, best informed fans in college football. When the stadium in Lincoln is filled, as it has been since 1962, it becomes the third largest city in the state. Water pressures drop during half time.

Sometimes maintaining traditions, whether that means making a certain recipe, growing a particular flower, or watching a special sports team, is the best way to celebrate those we have lost. It’s game day. Go Big Red!!

Affirmation: I celebrate.

Coaching question: What tradition do you celebrate in memory of a loved one who has died?

There Is No Place Like Home

by Mershon Niesner

It is a big world, full of things that steal your breath and fill your belly with fire…But where you go when you leave isn’t as important as where you go when you come home. Lindsay Edgar, author of Hour of the Bees

My husband and I are flying home to Marco Island, Florida today after being away for nearly four months. We traveled near and far (Oregon, Wyoming, Canada), spent quality time with all of our kids/spouses, grands, and great-grands (a total of 34 in all), saw a few old friends and had a marvelous, fun-filled, productive (I did get work done on my book) summer. But, as the saying goes, there is no place like home. 

We love our physical space, our beautiful island paradise, our precious friends. We have found our happy place for the Winter of our lives. We are truly blessed.

Affirmation: I love my home.

Coaching questions: Where is your happy place? If you’re not living there, what can you do now to help you get there later? 

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Share Your Stories

by Mershon Niesner

Sharing tales of those we’ve lost is how we keep from really losing them. Mitch Albom, American author

It is important for us all, no matter the loss we have experienced, to share the stories of the deceased. Telling the tales, reminiscing about the past, remember the details of a lost loved one is critically important to the welfare of the grieving daughter and other family members. When photos are put away and silence about the past is the rule, ultimately everyone suffers. Recalling a lost loved one may initially bring tears of grief but ultimately those memories will bring tears of joy and help in recovery. 

I would know next to nothing about my mother if my father hadn’t shared who she was and how important she was in our life. Her picture was prominently hung above his bed, a photo album of our brief eight years together was readily accessible to me. I thank my dad for his openness and willingness to help me know my mother and keep her present. 

Affirmation: I remember.

Coaching questions: What tales do you tell to keep your past loved ones present? If your family doesn’t speak about your loved one who has died, who might you speak with for information and to share your memories? 

IMG_1481.jpgThis photo of my mom hung over my dad’s bed.

Permission to Laugh Out Loud

by Mershon Niesner

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. Einstein, German theoretical physicist

Einstein is the last person I’d expect to show up under humorous quotes. What a revelation—revelation—get it? As you can tell, I’m not a particularly funny person. Unless humor is direct, it eludes me. However, I truly admire and appreciate funny people. Those who cause us to laugh out loud have a precious gift we can all enjoy.

 If you’ve recently experienced loss, know that it is acceptable, and even desirable, to laugh out loud. Your momentary joy and laughter doesn’t negate the significance of your loss. 

Affirmation: I love to laugh.

Coaching questions: What tickles your funny bone and makes you laugh? If you don’t have enough laughter in your life, what can you do to bring it in? What movie or show can you watch, what friend can you call, what book can you read? Find something today to make you laugh out loud and bring tears to your eyes.

Everyone Needs a Tugboat

by Mershon Niesner

Be someone’s security blanket when theirs is in the wash. Richelle E. Goodrich, author

On a recent cruise up the east coast from New Jersey to Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada, we saw several tugboats at work. Tugs push or pull vessels restricted in a narrow canal or crowded harbor. They also help ships that are unable to move by themselves such as barges or disabled ships.

We all need a virtual tugboat in our life when we are in a “narrow” place or “crowded” with negative thoughts and feelings. We especially need the tug of a strong arm to help us with we feel unable to move forward on our own or we’re disabled by grief or guilt.

Affirmation: I accept the help of tugboats in my life.

Coaching question: Who are the tugboats in your life? When have you been a tugboat in the life of another?

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Lighten Your Load

by Mershon Niesner

In the scope of a happy life, a messy desk or an overstuffed closet is a trivial thing, yet I find that getting rid of clutter gives a disproportionate boost to happiness. Gretchen Rubin, author

The average U.S. home contains more than 300,000 objects. Our society trains us to regard the ownership of things as a mark of success and happiness. Yet, even when we are surrounded by things we value, their impact becomes negative when we become stressed and overwhelmed by the prospect of digging out or when they impinge on our movement, time, relationships.

Clearing closets and distributing personal effects of loved ones after they have died is an especially difficult task. Yet, even these things, unworn and unused, become emotional as well as physical clutter in our lives and stand in the way of our recovery. 

Affirmation: I live in a clutter-free environment.

Coaching questions: Look at your environment with fresh eyes. Do you have unworn clothes in closets, unused utensils in drawers, knick knacks gathering dust, piles of papers? Spend 15 minutes today cleaning out one area of clutter. Congratulate yourself on your accomplishment.