Author: Mershon Niesner

I’m the motherless daughter of a motherless daughter. My mother died when I was 8, her mother (my grandmother) died when my mother was 3 of unrelated causes. At 73 years old, I have the perspective of life experience. On this blog I want to affirm, encourage and embrace daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to early death, abandonment, or dementia. I'm also writing a book on the topic entitled Mom's Gone,Now What? I'd be delighted to interview you for this book if you have lost or are losing your mother. Please contact me. A retired Life Coach and author of Ribbons of Love...affirmations for abundant living, I include an affirmation and coaching questions with each blog post to offer you assistance in moving forward with your life in a positive way. A mother of three, step mother of three, grandmother of eight, step-grand of 11 and step-great grand of three, I have the opportunity to add whimsy to my posts. I live on beautiful Marco Island, Florida, returning to the suburbs of Chicago in the summer to spend time with family. However, I'm a Nebraska Girl at heart, having grown up there and the off-spring of Nebraska pioneers. I've been divorced, widowed and am currently married to my wonderful husband, Ken. Life has given me many opportunities for growth. Welcome to my blog...feel free to interact with me, I will always respond to your questions or comments. My goal is to build community and relationships.

Get Out And Play

by Mershon Niesner

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. George Bernard Shaw

It’s time for me to go out and play! Yesterday I had my annual mammogram then a crazy driver nearly killed me on the way home. Today I’m going to watch my beloved college football team probably loose (yet again) after sweating at the gym and grocery shopping. In addition, I’m reading a very interesting book, The Plant Paradox, which is about the hidden dangers in healthy foods (most of the stuff I eat) that cause disease and weight gain. Yikes!

Next week looks much better with several fun, playful things planned. Thank goodness! Do you ever get in that place where you feel yourself aging by the minute? Perhaps it’s because you have stopped playing.

Affirmation: I will have fun and play.

Coaching questions: What do you do for fun? How does it rejuvenate you? What will you do for fun today?

Thank a Teacher Today

by Mershon Niesner

When the untapped potential of a student meets the liberating art of a teacher, a miracle unfolds. Mary Hatwood Futrell, educator, activist, and public education reformer.

For an estimated 264 million kids worldwide who should be in school and aren’t, the miracle of full potential may not have the opportunity to unfold. Teaching is one of the most critical, yet under-appreciated, professions. 

On this World Teacher Day, I’m celebrating my favorite teacher, my daughter, Katie, shown with me below. She’s a “Kid Whisperer,” one of those people to whom kids gravitate and she’s an inspiring teacher. In the past, Mrs. Vincent, my third grade teacher, made a difference in my life. She was creative and instilled a love of learning—and, she chose me to play, Pansy, a bridesmaid in the class play. 

Think of a teacher who made the most profound difference in your life, the one who inspired you to think, to question, to imagine. If possible, send them a note or give them a call to say thank you .

Affirmation: I appreciate those who have taught me through the years.

Coaching questions: Are you being called to help educate children? If you are, call today and volunteer at your local school or become a teacher. It is a rewarding experience you won’t regret. Do you know an teacher? Thank them today.

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Tacos Anyone?

by Mershon Niesner

Surround yourself with tacos, not negativity. Quote from Borracha Mexican Cantina website

Today is National Taco Day and I thought I’d celebrate by lightening up this blog a bit. You can only write/read about dead moms, dementia, and cancer for so long or, believe me, it will get to you. The name of this blog, however, is motherloss so sometimes I do have to stick with the program.

What’s your favorite taco? I personally love fish tacos served with a yummy lime-cilantro crema. I make it with mayonnaise, sour cream, scallions, lime, garlic, and cilantro. I think that combination of ingredients would probably be good on just about anything. Just Google fish tacos with crema for the recipe. 

So, have a taco today with salsa, crema, guacamole, or any other great toppings and take a break from what’s going on “out there.” (I’m going to take my own advice)

Affirmation: I will surround myself with tacos.

Coaching questions: What kind of tacos are you having tonight? Can I come over?

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Don’t Forget About Me

by Mershon Niesner

I want to tell you how much I miss my mother. Bits of her are still there. I miss her most when I’m sitting across from her. Candy Crowley, CNN Chief Political Correspondent

Alzheimer’s is a cruel, cruel disease. The entire family suffers. Interviewing daughters who have lost or are losing their mothers to this horrible disease has taught me much. Early-onset Alzheimer’s and other early dementias are particular horrific.

 I had the honor to interview, Allie, a young daughter whose mother started showing signs of Alzheimer’s at age forty seven, Allie was eleven. This is a portion of a poem Allie wrote while she was her mother’s part-time caregiver for six years.

Allie is now a successful college student and her mother is in memory care. 

Don’t You Forget About Me

I cannot say the words, they are too hard to say

I rue the moment that I fade, the memories went away

I had a beautiful mom whose mind went one day

I had a mom who was too sick to stay

I blame the disease that stripped her that way

I hate that I won’t see her on my wedding day

Affirmation: I care about the suffering of others.

Coaching questions: If you are a care-giver of someone with dementia, in what ways are you taking care of yourself? How can you reach out to others for support? Write a poem or a letter or draw a picture to help release some of your emotions. 

 

Advancing the Battle Against Cancer

by Mershon Niesner

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow. Mary Anne Radmacher, author

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and we have something to celebrate. Yesterday, the Nobel Prize for Medicine was awarded to James P. Allison and Tasuku Hong for their advances in harnessing the immune system to fight cancer. 

Their approach is to remove the brakes that keep the immune system in check, unleashing it against tumor cells. These “checkpoint inhibitor” therapies have greatly increased survival of cancer patients.

My mother died of cancer over 64 years ago when therapies were very limited. In the last year I’ve talked to many women who also lost their mothers to this terrible disease. I’m encouraged to know that, through the ongoing support of ordinary people like you and me, we are making advances in the war against cancer. 

Affirmation: I fight for the cure.

Coaching question: When did you have your last mammogram? What else can you do to help fight breast cancer?  

October, Baptize Me With Leaves!

by Mershon Niesner

October, baptize me with leaves! Swaddle me in corduroy and nurse me with split pea soup. October, tuck tiny candy bars in my pockets and carve my smile into a thousand pumpkins. O autumn! O teakettle! O grace! Rainbow Rowell, American author

What a lovely ode to October. I guess if your first name is Rainbow, you have no choice but to become a poet. Right? I no longer experience the leaves or corduroy (does anyone wear corduroy anymore?), but  I did put out buckets of mums, pumpkins, wreaths of colored leaves on my front door, and I made some beef-vegetable soup. I’m celebrating! 

With so many tragedies happening in the world…earthquakes, tsunamis, floods…we must grab the gold ring of October and, if we are safe and whole, be thankful for our blessings and do what we can for those unable to celebrate. 

Affirmation: I am grateful.

Coaching question: How are you celebrating Fall? What can you do for those less fortunate? 

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Trusting Your Gut

by Mershon Niesner

Intuition is seeing with the soul. Dean Koontz, American author

We frequently say, “My gut is telling me…”  we don’t call our intuitive feelings “ear feelings” or “hand feelings” because they really do originate in our gut or our enteric nervous system (ENS) which is in our intestinal tract. According to Michael Gershon, MD in his book The Second Brain, the ENS functions very much like an independent cerebellum. Lined with nerve cells, it can react to stimuli without direction from our head-based brain.

Get to know how your intuition speaks to you and test it by trusting your intuitive feelings in low-risk circumstances. Be aware that intuition can be hijacked by prejudice, social conditioning, and excessive sensory stimulation (I’m thinking social media). Nevertheless, we have this powerful tool at our disposal and it is to our benefit to use it whenever possible. 

Affirmation: I trust my intuition.

Coaching question: How does your intuition speak to you? What can you do to trust going towards your warm, intuitive feelings more frequently?

Treasure Your Memories With Photos

by Mershon Niesner

What I like about photographs is that they capture a moment that’s gone forever, impossible to reproduce. Karl Lagerfeld, Creative Director of the fashion houses Chanel and Fendi

Although I live in southwest Florida where the temperature is still ninety degrees, it is beginning to feel like fall. For me, summer ended when I left Illinois where I enjoyed playdates with grandkids, lunches with daughters, and special family events like weddings and a graduation. 

Above my desk is a large, wall bulletin board placed there by the original owners. On it I have my summer memories which I can relive in the blink of an eye. As Mr. Lagerfeld says, these photos capture a never-to-be-repeated moment but can be relived over and over in my memory. What photos do you have that help you relive special moments in your life? 

Affirmation: I treasure my memories.

Coaching request: Get out an old family photo album or print out some recent photos from your phone. Enjoy the moments that were captured and acknowledge your past.

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Showing Respect

by Mershon Niesner

Show respect to all people, but grovel to none. Tecumseh, Native American Shawnee warrior and chief.

Tecumseh was among the most celebrated Indian leaders in history and was known as a strong and eloquent orator who promoted tribal unity. Tecumseh knew a thing or two about respect and, unfortunately, he learned about disrespect at the hands of the U.S. government.

Respect is the cornerstone of relationships, friend to friend, colleague to colleague, or country to country. As we respect the life experiences of others, including their differences, we are enriched in our own journey. At all cost, we must hold on to our mutual respect otherwise, as Confucius said, “We are no better than the beasts.”

Affirmation: I respect myself and others.

Coaching questions: In an age when disrespect has become the norm, what can you do to hold on to the power of respect in your life? Where is the line between respect and groveling?
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The Rock

by Mershon Niesner

Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. Corrie Ten Boom, Dutch watchmaker who helped Jews escape the Nazi Holocaust and was imprisoned.

In a time of grief or despair, trusting in God can give us hope and a positive sense of expectancy. 

When my late husband died suddenly from a heart attack ten months after we were married, I affirmed out loud to a couple of hundred people that God was my rock and I would be ok…and I was/am. I didn’t feel ok at the time but faith isn’t based on how we feel. We have choices….hope or despair. 

If you’ve lost or given up on your faith, I encourage you to take another look. Inner peace follows the choice of hope and faith.

Affirmation: I have faith in God.

Coaching questions: What/who is the rock in your life? If this is a time of despair and hopelessness for you, what’s one step you can take to regain a sense of inner peace?