Life after losing a mother

Ever Let Your Mind Wander?

February 16, 2022 by Mershon Niesner

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass. Anton Chekhov, author

Did you know that in the U.S.A., February’s full Snow Moon reaches peak illumination today? For the best view of this Moon, look for it tonight; it will drift above the horizon in the east around sunset and reach its highest point in the sky around midnight

The name, Snow Moon, obviously comes from the typically heavy snowfall that occurs in February in many parts of the U.S.

Names for this month’s Moon have historically had a connection to animals. The Cree traditionally called this the Bald Eagle Moon or Eagle Moon. The Ojibwe Bear Moon and Tlingit Black Bear Moon refer to the time when bear cubs are born.

Another theme of this month’s Moon names is scarcity. The Cherokee names of Month of the Bony Moon and Hungry Moon give evidence to the fact that food was hard to come by at this time.

Affirmation: Sometimes it’s fun to let our minds wander.

Coaching questions/request: What is peaking your interest today? Do you allow time for your mind to wander into new territory? Be grateful if tonight’s moon isn’t Hungry Moon for you.

Photo by Javardh on Unsplash

Bring On The Tears!

February 10, 2022 by Mershon Niesner

Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness. Steve Maraboli, author

“Crying activates the body in a healthy way,” says Stephen Sideroff, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at UCLA and director of the Raoul Wallenberg Institute of Ethics. “Letting down one’s guard and one’s defenses and [crying] is a very positive, healthy thing. The same thing happens when you watch a movie and it touches you and you cry… That process of opening into yourself… it’s like a lock and key.”

This must be good news for those of you who are prone to tears. Growing up in a “stoic” family environment, for me tears have always felt like a show of weakness and I avoid them if possible. However, there’s nothing as satisfying as a good cry when watching a sad or heartfelt movie alone. Or, an Olympic athletic realizing her lifelong dream.

Affirmation: Crying is a healthy thing.

Coaching questions: How do tears (your own and other’s) affect you? When do you give yourself permission to cry?

Photo by Javier Martínez on Unsplash

What Does National Freedom Day Mean To You?

February 1, 2022 by Mershon Niesner

Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves, and, under a just God, cannot long retain it. Abraham Lincoln, letter to H.L. Pierce, April 6, 1859.

Today is National Freedom Day in the United States. It’s the day we celebrate freedom from slavery, and recognize America as a symbol of liberty. On this day, Abraham Lincoln signed a joint House and Senate resolution that later became the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

In a time when our voting rights are being restricted, some public school districts are questioning whether to teach the truth about our history, and books dear to our hearts are being banned in schools and libraries, National Freedom Day takes on renewed significance.

Affirmation: I support freedom..

Coaching questions: Why does freedom mean to you? What will you do to protect your freedom?

Social History Archives

Another Definition of Meek

January 27, 2022 by Mershon Niesner

Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5

I’ve always wondered about Matthew 5:5 which is part of the Beatitudes and Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount. The dictionary definition of “meek” is: A person who is quiet, gentle, easily imposed on; submissive.

Since experts widely agree that the New Testament was written in Greek, I considered a Greek definition of meek. The Greek word for meek is praus (prah-oos). Used in a sentence, it sheds a bit of light on my dilemma.

For example, when a horse passed the conditioning required to be considered a war horse, its state was described as praus or meek. The horse had “power under authority” or “strength under control.” The horse had been conditioned to withstand the rigors and noises of battle under the authority of its rider without losing power or determination.

When we become conditioned to the point of becoming praus by overcoming our adversities, we gain power under authority. Those of us who are believers, consider that authority to be God.

Affirmation: I am meek.

Coaching question: What strength have you gained from your training through adversity? How have you “gained power under authority?”

Finding Meaning In Loss

January 23, 2022 by Mershon Niesner

Discovering positive meaning in the loss of a loved one can be a way of honoring them. Quinton Skinner, author

Discovering and recounting positive stories that have emerged from the loss of a loved one may not erase our pain. However, positive stories like, “I became more independent after the early death of my mother” or “I became more empathetic to the losses of others” may help us find meaning in loss.

David Kessler, who worked closely with Kubler-Ross and is the author of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, believes that you can’t have meaning without hope.

We often hear of parents, and others, who establish charities in honor of their lost loved ones. Why? Because this helps them attach meaning to the loss. Meaning, in turn, gives the bereaved hope. The heart may never be the same but it can return to joy, hope, and meaning.

Affirmation: When I’m ready, I will search for meaning in my loss.

Coaching questions: How will you find meaning in your loss? What meaning have you already found?

Reminder: Your loss isn’t a gift, a lesson, a test, or something to handle.

Four End of the Day Questions to Ask Yourself

January 17, 2022 by Mershon Niesner

Self-reflection is like anything else in life: Small and consistent beats grandiose and occasional. Bahram Akradi, CEO of Life Time

Already struggling with the goals you set for yourself for 2022? Accessing your progress on a daily basis will help keep you on track. Without daily assessment, you miss the opportunity to make adjustments when they’re small.

As in business, when we constantly access, we can spot negative and positive trends and solve problems before they get out of hand. When we resist accessing honestly and often, trouble spots have a way of becoming acceptable habits.

Akradi suggests asking yourself a few basic questions at the end of the day:

Where did I do some good or make some progress today?
Where did I let myself or others down?
What can I do to keep my good habits going?
What can I do to address any negative triggers or trends before they get out of hand?

Affirmation: To achieve my goals, I will develop a system to routinely access my progress.

Feeling Joyless, Aimless, Stagnant or Empty?

January 11, 2022 by Mershon Niesner

It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. Adam Grant, journalist

The most-read New York Times article in 2021 was, “There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing” by Adam Grant. According to psychologists, the feeling exists somewhere between depression and flourishing.

Feeling joyless, aimless, stagnant or empty? You may be languishing. I’m glad to have a term for what I frequently feel when my motivation and focus are dulled.

According to Grant, it may have been the dominant emotion of 2021. The term was coined by a sociologist named Corey Keyes, who was struck that many people who weren’t depressed also weren’t thriving. Scientists believe feelings associated with languishing are reaching record numbers due to the unexpected emotional long-haul of the pandemic.

Grant recommends getting immersed in a project or other entertainment as a way to move forward. Identify what brings you joy then bring it into your life at least once a week. As the pandemic drags on into 2022, let’s do what we can to move from a year of languishing to a year of flourishing.

Affirmation: I will flourish in 2022.

Coaching questions: Have you identified feelings of languishing? Does having a term for what you’re feeling and knowing that others are feeling the same, make a difference? What will you do to help yourself move forward?

How’s Your Sleep These Days?

January 6, 2022 by Mershon Niesner

We are such stuff as dreams are made on; and our little life is rounded with a sleep. William Shakespeare

Over the last two years, statistics show a dramatic increase in sleep disorders brought on by the upheaval of the pandemic. Whether this is your situation, or you find sleep problematic in general, here are a three tips you may not have considered.

1. Weighted blanket. These five to thirty pound (based on your body weight) blankets create, what occupational therapists call, “deep-pressure stimulation.” This is thought to reduce stress by putting your focus on physical sensations instead of what may be swirling in your head.

2. Melatonin. Experts suggest that melatonin signals the brain that it’s time to shut down for the night. The over-the-counter supplement is quite safe with minimal to no side effects for doses up to 10 milligrams.

3. Turn off your computer/phone before bedtime. Avoid what David Neubauer, MD, calls “doom-scrolling.” This is the aimless intake of negative headlines and social posts. Even if your Facebook feed doesn’t rile you up before you retire for the night, staring at the blue glow can inhibit melatonin secretion.

P.S. Dr. Bhanu Kolla, Mayo Clinic’s Center for Sleep Medicine, thinks the negative content is much more detrimental than the light.

Affirmation: I will sleep well tonight.

Coaching questions: If a good night’s sleep is eluding you, what will you do to help yourself? If the tips above don’t work for you, what else might you try—exercise, change of diet, evaluating your sleep environment and routine?

Photo by Dominic Sansotta on Unsplash

Start The Year Right–With Gratitude!

January 3, 2022 by Mershon Niesner

The best gift—whose value to both giver and receiver will be priceless—is the gift of words straight from the heart. Oprah

Have you written your thank you notes yet? Wondering if a text or email will do? Questioning how late is too late to send it?

In my opinion, a thank you sent any way and any time is better than no thank you. Gratitude is a gift and, when it’s written, it lasts forever.

Why is a gratitude letter or thank you note so important and powerful? Sonya Lyubomirsky, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside thinks it comes down to three things.

Connection to the people you’re thankful to, because that’s what makes life worth living.
Humility, because when you express gratitude, you realize it’s not just about you.
Inspiration, because when you express gratitude to another person you want to prove yourself worthy of their efforts; you want to be a better person.

Affirmation: I will write my thank you notes today.

Coaching question and consideration: What does gratitude (written or verbal) mean to you? Consider that gratitude produces joy, which produces more gratitude, which then produces more joy.

Photo by Howie R on Unsplash