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Freedom is Never Free

by Mershon Niesner

Freedom cannot be bestowed—it must be achieved. Elbert Hubbard, American writer

Tomorrow, those of us who live in the USA will celebrate the anniversary of our nation’s independence. For the last 244 years, the cost of freedom was frequently borne by men and women who served in the military and those who supported them. Today, more than ever before, each of us must share in the cost of our future freedom as we take responsibility for one another in this time of global pandemic.

I’m wearing a mask in public, social distancing, not attending large events or meetings, eliminating travel and much more in order to ensure freedom, including good health, for myself and others in the future. I’m looking forward to reuniting with my family, singing together in church, eating in a restaurant, showing off my smile. But I know that freedom is not bestowed and it is never free. Freedom must be achieved.

Affirmation: I am willingly to pay the price for future freedom.

Coaching questions: How much are you wiling to pay for the future freedom of yourself, friends/family and countrymen? Consider the price others have paid as you celebrate our nation’s birthday. 

Photo by Spenser Sembrat on Unsplash

Shut Up and Dance!

by Mershon Niesner

Getting physical and improving is how we can continue to thrive among the living. Twyla Tharp, choreographer

In her new book, Keep It Moving, renowned choreographer, Twyla Tharp, 79, gives readers a piece of her mind writing, “Shut up and dance!” She goes on to write, “With the time you’ve got choose to make your life bigger. Opt for expression over observation, action instead of passivity, risk over safety, and unknown over familiar.” In other words, make the most of your life. 

One of the ten steps to help daughters move forward after mother loss in my upcoming book, Mom’s Gone, Now What?, is “Stir Up Your Creativity.” Another step is “Take Care of Yourself.” As we take these steps, we embrace what Tharp is suggesting—express yourself, be active, take a risk, and “shut up and dance!”

Affirmation: I am creative and take care of my body.

Coaching question: What risk, action, expression will you take to expand your life and make it bigger?

Photo by Laura Fuhrman on Unsplash

Angry Feelings Getting You Down?

by Mershon Niesner

I shall allow no man to belittle my soul by making me hate him. Booker T. Washington, author, educator, advisor to Presidents

Do you have a kindling pile of angry feelings just waiting to be set off? I believe it’s safe to say most everyone’s kindling piles are at an all-time high right now. As our pile grows higher, it takes less and less for it to ignite into a huge conflagration. The first step to reducing our pile is to recognize and own up to our angry feelings. Here area a few other tips:

  1. Write down everything that’s on your kindling pile. Be specific. Name what is making you angry, who is making you angry, disturbing  circumstances that are out of your control, things that have been done to you, things you have done to others. 
  2. Now, switch gears and take a moment to recall when you recently reached out to another or someone reached out to you in a positive and loving way. Remind yourself how you felt in these moments.
  3. If step two brought you some peace, go back to your kindling list. Is there any action you can take this week that will mitigate something on your list? Perhaps writing a letter to your Congressman, de-friending someone who is posting lies, or having a heart-to-heart with a loved one.
  4. Take what is left on the pile and spread it out in an imaginary field of love. This isn’t accepting or excusing what is bad or wrong, it’s just recognizing that lasting change comes through love—love for ourselves, each other, our country, and our world. 

Affirmation: I accept and process my angry feelings.

Coaching question: What’s making you angry? What’s one step you will take this week to mitigate a piece of your anger? What are you grateful for? What’s love got to do with it?

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

NOT Being a Racist is NOT Enough

by Mershon Niesner

White privilege is an absence of the consequences of racism. An absence of structural discrimination, an absence of your race being viewed as a problem first and foremost. Reni Eddo-Lodge, author

White Privilege in the United States doesn’t mean your life isn’t hard, can’t be hard, or was never hard. It means the color of your skin will never be a factor in what’s causing your difficulties. I’ve only recently come to embrace the fact that simply not being a racist isn’t enough. I must fight against racism when I see it.

As a Caucasian living in a world of White Privilege, I need to begin to recognize systems that are hurting or hindering people due to the color of their skin. I need to stay focused on their plight and make my voice heard.

Affirmation: I’m awake to the plight of others.

Coaching questions: If you’re Caucasian, consider what White Privilege means in your life? If you are a person of color, help your white friend or colleague understand what not being white in the U.S. has meant in your life? 

Thanks, Dad!

by Mershon Niesner

Behind every great daughter is a truly amazing dad. Unknown

One of the most important factors that enables a daughter to move forward after the loss of her mother is who remains present for her. Perhaps this primary caregiver is a father, grandmother, family friend, or sibling. As a bewildered, motherless eight-year-old, my dad stepped in as my only parent and caregiver. We barely knew one another as he frequently had been absent from my life. First due to active duty in World War Two, later when he was recalled to serve in the Korean War. 

Fortunately, my dad stepped up to the task of rearing a daughter by himself. Although this arrangement was practically unheard of in the mid-50’s, he provided a calm, secure, nurturing presence in my life until his death at age ninety-two. I was blessed beyond measure!

Affirmation: I am grateful!

Coaching questions: At the time of loss in your life, who stepped up to help nurture you? What difference did this make in your life? 

Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone

by Mershon Niesner

Coming out of your comfort zone is tough in the beginning, chaotic in the middle, and awesome in the end…because in the end, it shows you a whole new world !! Make an attempt. Manoj Arora, author of From the Rat Race to Financial Freedom

I recently experienced the tough beginning, chaotic middle, and awesome end Arora writes about. Coming out of my comfort zone to create my web site www.mershonniesner.com was all of the above. It seems the more I failed at a certain element, the more determined I became. The whole process felt “uncomfortable” and out of my zone but so worth it in the end.

I’m definitely not a web designer. I worked from a template, made it my own, then I hired a consultant to clean up the rough edges. Still, as Arora suggests, getting out of my zone opened up a “whole new world” and I feel empowered. 

Affirmation: From time to time, I will step out of my comfort zone.

Coaching questions: What do you want to accomplish that is outside of your comfort zone? What’s holding you back? It’s ok to accept a helping hand as you step outside of your zone. You got this!

 

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Photo by June O on Unsplash

Is Your Body, “Pleasant to be With?”

by Mershon Niesner

It’s really pleasant to be with, familiar, faithful, complaining a little, continually going about its business, loving to lie down. Lillian Morrison, poet, excerpt from her poem, Body

This excerpt from the lovely poem, Body, reminds me how fortunate I am to have this old, familiar body that complains only a little and generally goes about its business. I’m missing going to the gym during this time of  COVID-19 but I’m committed to staying active with walking and swim aerobics. 

As a motherless daughter of a motherless daughter…both dying in their 30s…I’ve always felt that, for me, all the years past 35 have been gravy. So as I approach a healthy, happy 75, my life is better than gravy. My life is a second helping of mashed potatoes with the gravy.

Affirmation: My body is “pleasant to be with.”

Coaching questions: What’s your motivation to keep your body healthy? How’s that working out for you? How do you view the years following the “anniversary” year of being the same age as your mother when she died?

P.S. It’s sad that I couldn’t find any photos on the Internet of older ladies working out

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Photo by Jon Flobrant

What Premature Birth Teaches Us

by Mershon Niesner

In an effort to learn more about structural racism in American, I asked Sharlene Voogd Cochrane, Professor Emeritus, Lesley University, to be a guest blogger today. 

Black women are almost three times more likely than white women to give birth before thirty-two weeks. Sarah DiGregorio, author of Early: An Intimate History of Premature Birth and What It Teaches Us About Being Human. 

DiGregorio goes on to explain that this statistic is true no matter the income level, health care, or education of the black woman. The research further suggests this troubling outcome is the result of the “stress for black women of living in America.”  Black mothers face extreme stress because of structural racism. They face a level of worry, conflict, and pressure that brings about negative health results. It’s an amazing and disturbing statistic!

We are hearing the term “structural racism,” in response to the murder of George Floyd.  For white people, the term invites us to look more closely at the racism embedded in our institutions including the often unacknowledged racist practices and assumptions within our economic and cultural institutions. Women birthing prematurely because of stress related to structural racism and other factors is a dire consequence. 

 Affirmation:  I will learn more about structural racism in America.

Coaching question: How can I identify and change structural racism in the places I work, live, attend church, and shop?

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Photo by Andre Adjahoe on Unsplash

The Problem With Secrecy…

by Mershon Niesner

Secrecy is a vacuum and nothing fills a vacuum like paranoid speculation. Max Brooks, author

One of the tragedies of mother loss is when family members are discouraged from speaking about the details of the person’s death or sharing memories about the loved one. After talking with motherless daughters who grew up in environments ruled by secrecy, I learned that the secrecy itself was as much of a problem as the actual death of their mother.

Healthy families have open discussions about the death of a loved one and frequently share their memories.

Affirmation: I am open and honest about the death of a loved one.

Coaching questions: How have family secrets kept you from becoming your best self? What will you do about it? What difference will it make? Be specific.

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Photo by Kristina Flour on Unsplash

Speaking Out On Things That Matter

by Mershon Niesner

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

So much unrest, so much fear, so much anger—it’s exhausting to see it on television, social media, news feeds. And yet, I must add my voice because I believe Dr. King’s words, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter,” are true.

One way I speak out is through the written word. Here are a few ideas of others that resonate with me: Like the lost sheep story in the Bible, Jesus cared about all the sheep but went after the one that was “hurting.” There are professions in which “some bad apples” is not acceptable. Airline pilots who panic in a storm, gynecologists who are respectful “most of the time,” parents or teachers who are “usually not abusive” all come to mind. 

One of my dad’s favorite statements was, “Don’t judge your fellow Indian until you’ve walked many miles in his moccasins.” This seems to apply on many levels.

Affirmation: I will speak out on things that matter.

Coaching questions: How do you use your voice? What difference does it make?
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