Blog

Life’s Rusty Nails

by Mershon Niesner

It happened in New York, April 10th, nineteen years ago. Even my hand balks at the date. I had to push to write it down, just to keep the pen moving on the paper. It used to be a perfectly ordinary day, but now it sticks up on the calendar like a rusty nail. Donna Tartt, author

What date sticks up on your calendar like a rusty nail? The day you lost your mother or another loved one? The date of your divorce? Perhaps it’s the date you found out you had cancer.

We all have a date or several dates etched on our minds and hearts. Dates that bring us sadness or a sense of fear. Ordinary days that became life changing in their impact on our lives. Know that you’re not alone. Embrace the dark side knowing that you’re moving towards the light.

Affirmation: I am in the light.

Coaching request: Consider your “rusty nail” date(s). Acknowledge and affirm your journey forward. 

brown-close-up-dirty-19681.jpg

Lessons Learned As We Age

by Mershon Niesner

Many of us have learned that happiness is a skill and a choice. Mary Pipher, clinical psychologist

In her New York Times article, The Joy of Being a Woman in Her 70’s, Pipher writes, “We have learned to look every day for humor, love and beauty. We’ve acquired an aptitude for appreciating life. Gratitude is not a virtue but a survival skill, and our capacity for it grows with our suffering.” 

In addition to gratitude Pipher talks about the importance of attitude. As we age, we learn that, though we can’t control all the circumstances of our lives, we can choose how we respond. We can choose to move forward with joy and grace.

Affirmation: I choose gratitude and joy.

Coaching questions: What new joys have you discovered as you’ve aged? How has your attitude made a difference? 

adult-adventure-daylight-1592091.jpg

How to Play the Hand You’re Dealt

by Mershon Niesner

Life isn’t fair, so you have to play the best game you can with the cards you’re dealt. Marla Acosta, author

As I thought about my post about boredom yesterday, I knew I had to tell you a story. My BFF, Nancy, will be 84 in March, she’s a widow who lives alone in the country and is  confined to a wheelchair. She no longer drives. Doesn’t this sound like the most boring life ever? Not to Nancy. She has learned to reframe her circumstances and knows how to “let the magic happen.” She loves to watch the birds at her various feeders, makes cards for shut-ins, reads, makes jewelry, plays word games with my husband and others who live around the country. She attends church functions, family events, and has frequent outings. She cooks, does laundry, irons, washes dishes.  

In addition, my friend is the most delightful person you’d ever want to be around. Her personality attracts frequent visitors and callers. I always feel uplifted when we speak on the phone and treasure the three or four times a year we are together. Bored? Never. She has learned to play the hand she was dealt and is winning the game.

Affirmation: I want to be like Nancy.

Coaching question: How do you want to show up as you age? What can you do now to plant the seeds for a fulfilling life—no matter the hand your dealt?

 

 

IMG_2690

This photo was taken at a tea a few years ago. Nancy is on the left

Embrace the Pause

by Mershon Niesner

When you pay attention to boredom it gets unbelievably interesting. Jon Kabat-Zinn, American professor

Friedrich Nietzsche referred to boredom as the “unpleasant calm that precedes creative acts.” Embrace boredom as a positive force. Think of it as the pause that makes magic happen. I claim to never be bored. That’s not to say I don’t have hours free of activity, conversation, or other stimuli. After a busy week like I just experienced, there is nothing I enjoy more than a day with nothing planned, a day to linger over a cup of tea, to read, to water plants. No time frame, no urgency, no goals. 

Routine chores like cooking or folding laundry can feel boring. However, we can reframe them as a time of meditation or the task that gives us a sense of achievement. Boredom isn’t about what you do but how you do it. It helps you rethink your relationship with the world. Embrace the blank page, the silence, the pause.

Affirmation: I embrace the pause.

Coaching request: This week, take a moment to sit with the silence, the boredom, the comma in your life. Resist the temptation to fill every moment—checking the weather, the news, Facebook. Let your mind wander and see where it takes you. Let the magic happen. 

Three Steps to Overcoming the Fear of Public Speaking

by Mershon Niesner

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela

They tell us that the number one fear is public speaking, which frequently masks  the fear of rejection. That’s not my fear but I’ll trust the facts. I’d speak to a big group anytime rather than drive or ride down an Interstate highway. Here are a few tips for those of you who do fear public speaking:

1. Start out small. Practice by asking a question in a committee meeting or book club. Stand up and introduce yourself when given the opportunity.

2. When you graduate to a larger venue, focus on what you’re giving the audience rather than how the audience may be judging you. View your speaking as an act of generosity.

3. Affirm yourself prior to speaking by saying things like, “I am confident and competent.” Take a deep breath, feel the fear, then do it anyway. A certain amount of nervousness keeps you on your toes. 

Affirmation: I can conquer my fears.

Coaching questions: What frightens you? Is it holding you back from achieving your dreams or goals? What’s one step you will take today to overcome your fear? 

img_2751

Learning To Trust

by Mershon Niesner

Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships. Stephen Covey, author

After I post this blog, I’m heading out to particulate in my writers’ critique group. Twice a month, five writers come together to read and critique each other’s work. I’m bringing future newspaper columns for them to comment on and correct. 

Yesterday, my editor returned a re-written chapter from my book manuscript. Frequent evaluation isn’t for the faint of heart but it is a wonderful learning opportunity. For me, the important ingredient in the process is to trust those who are critiquing or editing. Trust that they have my best interest in mind, that they have expertise in writing/editing, and they are being completely honest in their evaluation. Difficult but gratifying. 

Affirmation: Through trust, I learn. 

Coaching questions: How do you feel about critiques or evaluations? Can your self esteem handle it? If you have a difficult question or problem to discuss, consider who you trust enough to help you evaluate. 

What’s Keeping You From Regular Exercise?

by Mershon Niesner

Those who think they have not time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness. Edward Stanley, author

“I don’t have time, I get enough exercise using the stairs, my health is fine so I don’t need to exercise.” I’ve heard all the excuses and used a few myself from time to time. And yet…statistics and our intuition tells us how important exercise is to our health and well-being. I’m talking about dedicated exercise….biking, walking, swimming, weights, yoga, palates….a combination of strength training and aerobic exercise.

According to the Department of Health and Human Services, only one in three children are physically active every day and less than five percent of adults participate in thirty minutes of physical activity each day. Only one in three adults receive the recommended amount of physical activity each week. Sharing this phenomena with others should not be comforting. Of course, early death or disability can take anyone but I’d just as soon hedge my bets and find time for regular exercise.

Affirmation: I exercise regularly.

Coaching questions: What’s keeping you from regular exercise? What’s one thing you will do this week to move towards a regular exercise program?

IMG_2748.jpg

Be Defiant In the Face of Death

by Mershon Niesner

For someone who is seriously ill, celebrating life and relationships is almost a defiant act. Even death can’t take from us who we are and have been for one another. Dr. Ira Byock, author of Dying Well

Dr. Byock, a palliative care physician and expert in end of life decisions, believes that nobody should have to die in pain or alone. He is dedicating his life to making this dream come true. While dying is unwanted, sometimes tragic, and always sad, it’s not only those things. It can also be a time of celebrating a life well lived and the relationships one has made.

Accepting the reality of death enables families to say thank you or please forgive me. When death is talked about openly, it gives the patient the opportunity to express his/her concerns about spouses, children or grandchildren, finances, or other pressing issues. Honest conversation unlocks the door of guilt and secrecy frequently associated with serious illness.

Affirmation: I’m not afraid to talk about death and dying.

Coaching questions: What are your end of life wishes? Do you know the wishes of your spouse, parents or grandparents? What would it be like to openly discuss death and dying even with those who are well? Take a first step in initiating discussions.

Color On Your Paper

by Mershon Niesner

We’re all a little broken but the last time I checked, broken crayons still color. Trent Shelton, former football player

Perhaps life has knocked you around a bit and you feel a little broken—physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. You’re not alone. If we live long enough, we all experience pain, loss, regret, grief, fear. It’s part of the human experience.

But, as Shelton says, even broken, we have the potential to fulfill our destiny. In the case of a crayon, that destiny is to put color on the paper. What’s yours?

Affirmation: I can still make a difference.

Coaching questions: What’s your destiny, mission, or calling? Even if you’ve been battered and broken, you can still make a difference. Get out there and put some “color on the paper.”

still-2609318_1920

What’s Your Word?

by Mershon Niesner

I do believe in starting the new year with new resolve, but instead of adopting a resolution, I choose a word of the year—a word that encapsulates my aspirations for the twelve months ahead. Melinda Gates, philanthropist 

For the last two years Melinda Gates has chosen the word “grace” and she thinks it is making a difference. She tells a story of the heart break she experiences when she visits children who are dying from preventable disease. Then she says, “A broken heart gives me urgency. A moment of grace gives me hope. That’s the power of a well-chosen word of the year. It makes the year better—and it helps me be better too.”

I think Gates is on to something. I’m choosing “impact” for my word of the year. I want to make an impact in the world—with my blog, my column, and, eventually, my book. I also want to impact others by caring about them, being a good friend, and fighting for policies to help our country thrive. 

Affirmation: I will make an impact this year.

Coaching questions: If you decided to choose a word, what would it be? Why? What difference can you envision it making? 

IMG_2747.jpg