Blog

“Grilled cheese and tomato soup is the ultimate comfort food.” Ina Garten, The Barefoot Contessa

On Sundays after church and Sunday school my kids were tired, hungry and cranky. Frankly, so was I. My go-to lunch was frequently grilled cheese sandwiches. Quick, hot, yummy. So, I agree with Ina Garten. Actually, I’m a huge Barefoot Contessa fan…her show, her books, her husband. Yes, Jeffrey. He isn’t just a snuggly guy who comes home for lunch. He is Dean Emeritus at the Yale School of Management and teaches classes on global economy. I’ve actually read his book, From Silk to Silicon, and it was outstanding…informative and readable. They are a couple I’d like to have as friends!

Mostly I’m an advocate for healthy eating…eating to live; not living to eat. But sometimes we need a little comfort food in our lives to sooth us or tame the “Hangries” (hungry=angry).

Affirmation: I know how to comfort myself.

Coaching questions: What’s your comfort food? What else do you do to comfort yourself? Is it working? If not, what can you do to make a change?

“Humor leads to social bonding due to shared positive emotions and the discharge of negative ones.” Nicole Fuentes quoted from Blue Zones newsletter

Yesterday I had the rare treat of spending the day with my daughter Katie and her family. Much of the day it was just the two of us hanging out while the kids were in school. We are both talkers and have a never-ending conversation punctuated with lots of loud laughter. While talking, we were making Christmas ornaments for her Etsy business Tuscanycreative. What a fun day!

I’ve read that people who laugh alot tend to be more extroverted, have higher levels of self-esteem, and lower levels of depression. Laughter is also good for your health…lowering your stress levels and releasing beneficial hormones.  I took a Laughter Vitamin yesterday and it felt really good.

Affirmation: Laughter makes me feel good, I feel good because I laugh.

Coaching questions: What brings you joy and laughter? Find something to laugh about today.

“The smile on my face doesn’t mean my life is perfect. It means I appreciate what I have and what I have been blessed with. I choose to be happy.” Charlie Brown via Charles Schultz

When I was in high school, my Aunt Lucy sent me Charles Schultz’s book Happiness Is a Warm Puppy which was published in 1962. I’ve always loved Charlie Brown and friends. To many of you, happiness is literally a dog or other pet. Of course that faithful, beloved pet doesn’t solve all of your problems or erase all of your hurts but he/she does put a smile on your face and that’s a big step towards having joy in your life.

Sometimes people assume “smiley people” are either faking it or have a “perfect” life. Sometimes they are faking it, sometimes life is really good, sometimes they are simply choosing to be happy despite their life circumstances.

Affirmation: I choose to be happy.

Coaching question: What do you choose to be? How is that working for you?

“The true meaning of courage is to be afraid, and then, with your knees knocking and your heart racing, to step out anyway–even when that step makes sense to nobody but you. I know that’s not easy. But making a bold move is the only way to truly advance towards the grandest vision the universe has for you.” Oprah

I’m a big Oprah fan. I’ve read every Oprah magazine cover to cover since they were first published. Sometimes I start at the last page, the What I Know For Sure page. It’s almost like her monthly blog. Sometimes there is advice, sometimes profound stories, or observations of who and what is around her.

What I know for sure is I believe in her quote above. Of course, there are times that being afraid and NOT doing something is important. Here she’s talking about a life experience that you know in your heart is good for you but is scary at the same time…quitting a corporate job to pursue your dream of entrepreneurship, getting on Match.com to see where it takes you, setting up lunch with someone you barely know but with whom you felt a connection, saying I will or I do.

Affirmation: I am brave.

Coaching question: What am I afraid of that is keeping me from being all I can be? What’s an action I will take today to step out with knees knocking?

“To all my little Hulkamaniacs, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.” Hulk Hogan

I take my vitamins everyday. As I’ve aged I’ve added calcium and now turmeric…I know, it’s a “fad-vitamin” but it works for East Indians so why not.

Vitamins are meant to supplement what we eat…especially now that our soil is depleted and our air less pure. But what kind of “vitamin” do we take when our soul is depleted, our heart aches or we are running low on internal fuel?

The answer varies from person to person. After her mother died, Cheryl Strayed, as she writes in her book “Wild”, found that walking The Pacific Crest Trail was her vitamin. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend it…I’m just starting the book and she’s finding it to be really rough going. But I’m guessing the end will be happy…it was a #1 New York Times bestseller after all.

Affirmation: I have vitality.

Coaching questions: What’s your “life vitamin”? If you don’t have one, what might work for you?

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway.” On a card on my bulletin board.

Children innately protect themselves from being different. Although I was a fairly confident kid, the years following my mother’s death (about ages 9-12), I would make an excuse to leave a group if the conversation turned to family. I didn’t want to say, “I don’t have a mother.” Being different felt scary.  In those days, I didn’t even know anyone with divorced parents much less anyone who had a parent that was missing or dead.

Now I’m mostly an open book…but not completely. I haven’t totally bought the truth of the quote above. You know the old saying about when you point a finger the other four are pointed at you? I’m still working on my judgmental nature so perhaps that is why I’m frightened about the judgments of others. Something to ponder.

Affirmation: I love me anyway.

Coaching questions: Are you an open book? If not, why not? What is scary for you to reveal?

“Living is not enough…one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.” Hans Christian Andersen

Here on Marco Island, we have flowers the year around…one reason I love living here. But for those of you in northern climates, ’tis the season of crocus poking their heads through the snow or cherry blossoms about to bloom. It was always a thrill for me to discover that first sign of spring in my garden.

As you can tell, I’m a big fan of flowers…growing in the yard, in a vase on the kitchen table, potted on the porch. I read somewhere that when you buy flowers at the grocery store they are as good for your health as the broccoli next to them. I believe it!

Feeling low? Buy yourself some flowers.

Affirmation: I will surround myself with what brings me joy.

Coaching question: What will you put around you that brings you joy?

“Easter is meant to be a symbol of hope, renewal, and new life.” Janine di Giovanni

I just finished reading Kristin Hannah’s new novel The Great Alone, a page-turner about dysfunctional families, hope, renewal, new life,  the sweeping beauty of outback Alaska in the ’70s and the grueling realities of living off the grid.

At the end of the book the author says of the main character, “Like all motherless girls, Leni would become an emotional explorer, trying to uncover the lost part of her, the mother who had carried and nurtured and loved her. Leni would become both mother and child; through her, Mama would still grow and age. She would never be gone, not as long as Leni remembered her.”

Affirmation: I am a “memory bank”

Coaching question: What are your two most precious memories? In what ways are you an “emotional explorer?”

 

“An exciting and inspiring future awaits you beyond the noise in your mind, beyond the guilt, doubt, fear, shame, insecurity and heaviness of the past you carry around.” Debbie Ford

When my oldest daughter, Winnie, was in high school she had a good friend who was continually guilty…feeling guilty if she was with friends and not family, guilty if with family and not friends and so on. When she was at our house I’d hear her talking about her guilt and I would come by with my imaginary Guilt Spray (my Deep Woods Off style   guilt repellent) and spray her from head to toe. We’d all laugh of course but I was serious in my desire to help her know that she need not carry around so much guilt.

For those of us who are Christians, Easter week is a special time for us to accept the reconciliation and the redemption of Christ. A time to turn over our guilt and be free. Christian or not, guilt isn’t doing serving a purpose for any of us. Shed the “if I’d only been there at the end”, ” I could have done more”, “I was angry the last time we spoke,” etc. thoughts that circle in your head. Write them down, burn them up, talk to someone about your feelings, do what you can to move away from your guilt.

Affirmation: I am free of guilt.

Coaching questions: What guilt are you carrying around? What is it costing you? What’s one step you’ll take today to relieve yourself of this burden?

“So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good.” Helen Keller

A woman I spoke with who had lost her mother years ago called her sudden memories “bubble-ups.” One bubble-up for her was, “My mother had many friends, sometimes I wonder where they were after she died.” One of my bubble-ups is whenever I hear The Prayer on the radio, I think of Keith’s and my wedding. Another one is when the University of Nebraska football team takes the field, I can’t help but shed a tear…my dad is right there. We are frequently blind-sighted by our bubble-ups. A memory suddenly assails us and brings tears…perhaps many years after the death of a loved one. It’s normal and okay.

Affirmation: My tears are beautiful.

Coaching questions: What “bubble-ups”  have you had? How have you handled them?