Tag: gratitude

Top Ten Ways To Increase the Joy-Factor In Your Life

by Mershon Niesner

Most of us know that the joy-factor is not increased by accumulating money or possessions beyond our needs. So where do we find joy? What experiences, thoughts, and relationships help us live more joyfully?

Here are my top ten:

1. Set goals and complete them. There is something satisfying, if not joy-producing, in crossing a task off  a list or completing a goal. We are programmed towards accomplishment and we’re frequently frustrated with procrastination, indecision, and lost dreams. Create a tool to measure your progress in order to appreciate the satisfaction and joy of completion.

2. Add music to your life. It’s difficult to hold on to a frown when enveloped by a rollicking Irish jig or a symphony orchestra. Listening to music elicits joy. Participation by singing, dancing, or playing an instrument heightens the experience. 

3. Make something. The click, click of knitting needles, the hum of a sewing machine, the pounding of a nail, the aroma of fresh bread all help us connect to joy. Not only the act of creating a product but being proud of the end result add to our positive feelings.

4. Grow something. Like creating a product; growing a tree, a garden, or an African violet, can bring ongoing satisfaction. Nurturing a growing thing, spending time in nature, admiring the beauty of a plant, all contribute to the joy factor. 

5. Give freely. When you give your time, your talents, and/or your money, you’ll give yourself a shot of joy. There is something powerful about giving freely.  

6. Get physical. Move your body. Talk a walk, go for a run, have great sex, row a boat, paint your bathroom. There is strong scientific evidence that significant physical movement activates endorphins that make us feel more joyful. 

7. Add color. Feeling low? Take off that black dress and put on something colorful. In addition to your clothing, add color to your surroundings with fresh flowers, beautiful art, or a vibrant throw pillow. 

8. Connect with friends. Friendship is one of our greatest gifts. Spending time with friends nearly always makes us more joyful. Call an old friend you haven’t spoken to in a while, set a Zoom date with someone who makes you laugh, drop cookies off to a friend who is lonely.

9. Learn how to be your own best friend. People who learn to be their own best friend and embrace time alone, are in possession of a great gift. Learn how to embrace aloneness before you find yourself truly alone.

10. Stretch your mind. Learning something new can be challenging. However, when we embrace that challenge, we usually come away feeling renewed and fulfilled. 

There is practically no limit to the possibilities for joy when we look for them. When you are in a state of joy, say thank you as you acknowledge your joyful feelings. This will attract more joy to your life.

No Regrets

by Mershon Niesner

I don’t regret what I’ve been through. I’ve had ups and downs, super highs and some really low lows. I’ve been so blessed that I could never say, ‘I wish this didn’t happen.’ It’s part of who I am. Jennifer Lopez, entertainer

If a genie suddenly appeared in your life, what would you wish for? Like Lopez, I wouldn’t change much. The highs and lows of my life molded me into the less-than-perfect, 79-year old woman I am today.

If you’ve recently experienced loss, however, my guess is you would wish it away. But the inevitable can’t be wished away forever. Even though we wish that our loved ones could have stayed with us longer, all living things come to an end. 

Given the chance, I’d wish for world peace, the eradication of cancer, Alzheimer’s and other horrible diseases, and I’m not too crazy about hurricanes. But I choose not to wish my life away. How about you?

Affirmation: I have no regrets.

Coaching questions: If you had three wishes, what would they be? How have you been changed by the ups and downs of your life? What will help you be content with where you are in your life right now?

Photo by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash

The Flower of Mother’s Day

by Mershon Niesner

Symbols are the imaginative signposts of life. Margot Asquith, author

Pink carnations have always been special to me because they were the flowers on my mother’s casket and one of the few memories I have of the months following her death seventy years ago.

 I thought they were randomly chosen by my dad but, perhaps, he chose them for their meaning. “Light pink carnations represent love and gratitude that are similar to a Mother.” They also say, “I’ll never forget you.”

In America, they are the official Mother’s Day flower. 

Affirmation: I honor the symbols in my life.

Coaching questions: What symbols do you hold dear? What do they mean to you and why? How do they help you keep your memories alive?

Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash

Now, That’s Showing Gratitude!

by Mershon Niesner

When trying to go to sleep, instead of counting sheep, try counting things you’re grateful for— in alphabetical order. AJ Jacobs, author

If you live in the U.S.A., our national day of gratitude is just around the corner but I believe every day should be a day for giving thanks and AJ Jacobs, author of Thanks a Thousand, is just the guy to emulate. 

Jacob’s book recounts his mission to thank every single person who played a part in making his morning coffee, over 1,000 people. His journey took him from coffeeshop barista to the Colombian coffee farmer to the lid designer. Oh, he also thanked the lady from pest control who kept the bugs out of the coffee warehouse. 

Showing gratitude is good for our physical and mental health. Research indicates that keeping a gratitude journal helps patients in their recovery and health-care workers’ stress levels decline by an average of 28 percent. 

We humans are naturally negative. Spreading gratitude is a way to make the world a better place. 

Affirmation: I’m grateful.

Coaching questions/request: Who have you thanked today? What difference does it make when someone thanks you? Think of someone who rarely receives appreciation and thank them.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

Handling Disappointment

by Mershon Niesner

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. Martin Luther King, Jr. 

I’ve experienced some disappointments this summer. Due to Covid and a bad hip (getting a new one on 9/12), I missed my granddaughter’s musical, step-granddaughter’s shower and wedding, being a guest at two book clubs that were discussing my book, my annual visit with special friends from where I once lived….to name a few. Life is like that. Stuff happens. 

Holding onto hope, as Dr. King suggests, has been a key to overcoming disappointment. Hope that I’ll eventually kick Covid and get back to the joy of pain-free walking. 

Gratitude has been the other key. Grateful that what I’m experiencing isn’t life-threatening, grateful for the many great books I’ve had time to read, grateful for the kindness and support of family, friends, and even, strangers. As I sit this morning enjoying the cool breeze on my tiny condo balcony in northern Illinois, I’m embracing the beauty of nature, God’s love, and you, dear friends. Have a wonderful day!

Affirmation: I am hopeful and grateful!

Coaching questions: How have you handled disappointment in the past? What’s in your mental toolbox for the future?

October, Baptize Me With Leaves!

by Mershon Niesner

October, baptize me with leaves! Swaddle me in corduroy and nurse me with split pea soup. October, tuck tiny candy bars in my pockets and carve my smile into a thousand pumpkins. O autumn! O teakettle! O grace! Rainbow Rowell, American author

What a lovely ode to October. I guess if your name is Rainbow, you have no choice but to become a poet. Right? 

This is the first time in several years that I’m experiencing the beauty of fall. Health concerns and a hurricane bearing down on Florida kept us in Northern Illinois this year. I’m reveling in the colorful trees, the cool days, and the general hum of fall. 

With so many tragedies happening all around us (I’m particularly thinking of the destruction caused by Hurricane Ian), we must grab the gold ring of October and, if we are safe and whole, be thankful for our blessings and do what we can for those unable to celebrate. 

Affirmation: I am grateful.

Coaching question: How are you celebrating Fall? What can you do for those less fortunate? 

The Tides of Life

by Mershon Niesner

When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in. Kristin Armstrong, Olympian

Speaking of tides, my thoughts go out to my fellow Floridians and others affected by Hurricane Ian. Yesterday, as I imagined the possibility of our beautiful Marco Island, Florida home and the homes and livelihoods of many others being swept away, I was grateful for the outpouring of love and support from friends and family all over the country. My husband and I are safe in Illinois and, over the course of the storm, we determined that our friends in Florida were safe as well. 

I was anxious, of course I was, but as I focused on gratitude, the tide of love rushed in. Through all the ups and downs of my life, I’ve made an effort to remain grateful for the love that turns fear, loss, disappointment, and heartache into manageable feelings. 

Affirmation: I am grateful.

Coaching questions: What are three things you’re grateful for today? When has gratitude ushered in a tide of love in your life?

Photo by Pamela Heckel on Unsplash

Start The Year Right–With Gratitude!

by Mershon Niesner

The best gift—whose value to both giver and receiver will be priceless—is the gift of words straight from the heart. Oprah

Have you written your thank you notes yet? Wondering if a text or email will do? Questioning how late is too late to send it?

In my opinion, a thank you sent any way and any time is better than no thank you. Gratitude is a gift and, when it’s written, it lasts forever.

Why is a gratitude letter or thank you note so important and powerful? Sonya Lyubomirsky, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside thinks it comes down to three things. 

  1. Connection to the people you’re thankful to, because that’s what makes life worth living. 
  2. Humility, because when you express gratitude, you realize it’s not just about you. 
  3. Inspiration, because when you express gratitude to another person you want to prove yourself worthy of their efforts; you want to be a better person. 

Affirmation: I will write my thank you notes today.

Coaching question and consideration: What does gratitude (written or verbal) mean to you? Consider that gratitude produces joy, which produces more gratitude, which then produces more joy. 

Photo by Howie R on Unsplash 

Are You Showing Gratitude For the Little Things In Life?

by Mershon Niesner

When trying to go to sleep, instead of counting sheep, try counting things you’re grateful for— in alphabetical order. AJ Jacobs, author

With Thanksgiving on the horizon (I’m particularly mindful because my daughter and her family are coming for a visit), it’s not too early to consider, really consider, the little things for which we’re grateful.

 AJ Jacobs, author of Thanks a Thousand, is just the guy to emulate. His book recounts his mission to thank every single person who played a part in making his morning coffee, over one thousand people. His journey took him from coffeeshop barista to the Colombian coffee farmer to the lid designer. Oh, he also thanked the lady from pest control who kept the bugs out of the coffee warehouse. 

Scientific studies indicate that showing gratitude is good for our physical and mental health. Keeping a gratitude journal helps patients in their recovery and health-care workers’ stress levels decline by an average of twenty-eight percent. We humans are naturally negative. Spreading gratitude is a way to make the world a better place. 

Affirmation: I’m grateful.

Coaching questions/request: Who have you thanked today? What difference does it make when someone thanks you? Think of someone who rarely receives appreciation and thank them.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash 

Looking To Have More Joy In Your Life?

by Mershon Niesner

I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy. Rabindranath Tagore, author

Perhaps you’ve worked through much of your grief and you’re hoping to regain more joy in your life but have found it to be elusive. 

If this is true for you, here are a few ways you might look for joy: 

—Check out who’s in your corner. If you want to rediscover joy, it’s important to have supportive people around you. Friends and family who have empathy but won’t coax you back onto the “ain’t it awful” train. Friends who will encourage you to move in a positive direction.

—Reach out and help others. Those times when we are joyless and in need emotional support are the times when helping others will mean the most. It sounds counterintuitive but it works.

—Get rid of the “shoulds” in your life. Do what you want to do, be who you want to be. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop beating yourself up. Be kind and gentle with yourself and you’ll be rewarded.

—Have an attitude of gratitude. You might feel less than grateful about the circumstances of your life. However, finding something for which you can be grateful everyday will help you return to feelings of satisfaction, joy, and peace.

Affirmation: I will find joy in my life.

Coaching questions: How might you find more joy in your life? What has worked in the past? What’s one thing you’re grateful for?