Tag: joy

Will Your Life Be Filled With Lemons or Will You Make Lemonade?

by Mershon Niesner

You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate. It belongs to YOU. Josh Shipp, youth motivational speaker

Of course, the natural and appropriate response to loss is sadness and grief. However, it’s been my experience that when the focus remains on the one you lost, there is less despair and depression than when the focus remains on yourself. When we get stuck in saying or thinking, “Why me? It’s not fair. How can I possibly cope?” we stymie our ability to move forward. So much depends on how we respond to our experience. 

The motherless daughters I interviewed who moved forward with their lives, frequently talked about all their mothers gave them, even if their time with them was short, rather than all they lost because of her death. Both conversations are appropriate but focusing on the former seemed to lead to more joy. 

Affirmation: I choose to get better.

Coaching questions: What is your response to loss? Is it working for you? What will help you focus more on the lost loved one and less on yourself?

IMG_2955.jpg

 

Gratefully Celebrating Mother’s Day

by Mershon Niesner

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. Melody Beattie, author

Mother’s Day can be difficult for many women, not just those of us who have lost our mothers. It can be difficult for women who are estranged from their mothers, have no children but wish they did, those who have lost a child, or those who are away from their family.

For me, gratitude always helps me cope. I’m grateful for the friendly smile, bright eyes, and sunny personality I got from my mom, I’m grateful for my three wonderful children, three step kids, eight grands, eleven step grands, and five (almost seven) step greats. What a bountiful life I have! And even though it’s a day for mothers, I am especially grateful for my dad who partnered with me to create a joyful childhood and beyond.

There will be a bit of sadness in my celebration tomorrow but mostly there will be gratitude.

Affirmation: I’m grateful.

Coaching questions: What helps you feel grateful on a difficult day? What difference can you make in someone else’s day today?

IMG_1479 (2).jpgMe and my mom, circa 1953

Use Creativity To Heal Yourself

by Mershon Niesner

Creativity is something that already exists inside each of us. It needs only to be uncovered. Gwen Coleman Detwiler, opera singer

One of the steps to recovering from loss is to apply your creativity. This may mean writing about your experience, tapping into the visual arts, engaging in dance or music to express your grief. You can also apply your creativity to establish a new or different life for yourself without a spouse, mother, or other loved one. 

To be human is to be creative. As we guard against pain or failure we block our vulnerability and creativity. Instead, be curious about your altered life and how you might use your creativity to express your feelings and explore new avenues for joy.

Affirmation: I am creative.

Coaching questions: How have you experienced your creativity in the past (think back to childhood if necessary)? What did it mean to you? What creative outlet will you use to heal yourself? 

darius-bashar-503822-unsplash.jpg

Where Does Your Joy Hide?

by Mershon Niesner

Find the place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joseph Campbell, American Professor of Literature

Do you ever wake up and wonder where the joy went? Once in a while I do. I’m naturally a joyful person but there are those days when I have to remember all the things for which I’m thankful and the abundant joys in my life. I’ve used Mr. Campbell’s quote before because I love it. We have to look inside and find where the joy is hiding. I trust it is there.

On the flip side, it’s just fine not to be joy-filled everyday. We all have dark days, literally and figuratively. Just thinking of my friends and family in the Arctic blast in the Chicago area makes me feel grateful that our temperature right now is literally eighty degrees warmer than their frigid reading. In addition to that bit of gratitude, I cheered myself up by looking at this scene I captured a few weeks ago. Memories bring joy also. 

Affirmation: The joy is inside.

Coaching question: What gives you joy? How do you handle days that are joy-less? 

img_2755

Four Places to Look For Joy

by Mershon Niesner

Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joseph Campbell, American Professor of Literature

When a person is grieving, it is hard for them to imagine finding joy again in their life. It may take a while to rediscover who you are and what makes you happy. Look beyond your fears and insecurities of the present. Hiding there is joy. 

  1. Check out who is in your corner. If you’re rediscovering joy, it’s important to have supportive people around you. Friends and family who will not get on the “ain’t it awful” train with you but help you move in a new direction.
  2. Reach out and help others. Those times when we need emotional help the most are the times when helping others will mean the most to us. It sounds counterintuitive but it works.
  3. Get rid of the “shoulds” in your life. Do what you want to do, be who you want to be. Stop comparing yourself to others. Stop beating yourself up. Be kind and gentle to yourself and you’ll be rewarded.
  4. Have an attitude of gratitude. You might feel less than grateful in the midst of sadness or grief. However, finding something for which you can be grateful everyday will help turn your life around.

Affirmation: I know where joy lives.

Coaching questions: If you’re looking for more joy in your life, what will you do today to help yourself move towards change? Is finding more joy worth the effort? I know one thing for sure—you’re worth it! You deserve joy in your life. 

beach-dark-dawn-39853.jpg

Peace To The World

by Mershon Niesner

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace. Agnes M. Pharo, author

On this Christmas morning, I truly hope that someday every path will lead to peace. For Christians the world over, today has significance beyond the gifts and glitter. Jesus’ birth and life are about love—God’s love for His creation.

Although it is a sad, even heart-breaking, day for many, I hope, Dear Readers, you will find a slice of love and joy in your life today. Please know that if you’re grieving, sad, or lonely— I’m thinking of you and I’m wishing you a Very Blessed Christmas!

Affirmation: Someone cares about me.

Coaching questions: What will you do to acknowledge your sadness while celebrating joy in the world? This is one day out of 365. What will tomorrow be like? 

IMG_2693

From my house to yours, Merry Christmas!

The Gift of Generosity

by Mershon Niesner

True generosity is an offering; given freely and out of pure love. No strings attached. No expectations. Time and love are the most valuable possessions you can share. Suze Roman, author, financial advisor

’Tis the season of giving. There are “duty gifts” and “love gifts.” We give both. The greatest gifts are those given freely with no attachment. No expectations. As Suze says, true generosity is an offering. I take this to mean offering as in the biblical sense, a sacrifice. 

Humans are inherently insecure creatures. The accumulation of things offers us a sense of security. This is why giving generously out of love gives us such a feeling of satisfaction and joy. In addition to all those duty gifts you’re buying, consider giving at least one love gift with no strings attached. Spent your money, your time, or use your talents—all are gifts. 

Affirmation: I give out of love.

Coaching questions: What’s the best gift you’ve ever received? What’s the best gift you’ve ever given? What gift of love will you give this season?

IMG_2694.jpg

Burn Out The Pain

by Mershon Niesner

Find a place inside where there’s joy, and the joy will burn out the pain. Joseph Campbell, American Professor of Literature 

Using joy to “burn out the pain” makes me think of cauterization, the act of burning with heat or a chemical substance to stop an infection. Ongoing emotional pain can show up like an infection, causing physical and psychological harm.

Finding a place of joy may be difficult but remembering the good times, focusing on the loved one who died rather than yourself, gathering with friends to have fun, cooking a lovely dinner, going for a walk, may be the beginning. Find something that gives you a moment of joy and feel the pain begin to burn away.

Affirmation: I can find joy.

Coaching question: What gives you a sense of joy? How can you use this joy to burn away your pain?

The Flow of Creativity

by Mershon Niesner

Harnessing your creative capacity can reduce your compulsion to consume–and enhance your joy in living. Quoted from an article by Dallas Hartwig and Pilar Gerasimo in Experience Life Magazine

We live in a society that promotes consumption–more things, more information, more experiences, more external approval. The more we consume, the less inclined we are to create; the less we create, the more inclined we are to consume. Creativity includes more than the obvious painting, writing, sculpting, etc. For you it may be creating an herb garden, cooking a meal, organizing a closet, or inviting friends to a book discussion.

Once we shut down the constant need to watch TV, play video games, shop, peruse social media and get into the flow of a creative pursuit, we will trigger a positive feedback loop that will inspire us to create more, leading to a greater sense of confidence and joy in our daily living.

Affirmation: I am creative.

Coaching requests: Identify a place where you mindlessly over-consume–TV, food, social media– then replace at least an hour of that time with a creative activity like writing in a gratitude journal, planting a succulent bowl, or making a new recipe. Improving your personal space also counts—like cleaning out a closet or decluttering the junk drawer.

Let’s Get Happy

by Mershon Niesner

I’ve been claiming happiness for a long time, dreaming big dreams and using the outcomes of those dreams to bring beauty into my own life and to serve others. Oprah

People want to be happy but when asked what makes them happy, some folks dither and aren’t sure. As Dr. Phil says, “You’ve gotta name it to claim it.” Like Oprah, making a difference in the lives of others has always brought me true joy. To me happiness is more of an “in the moment” sort of thing.

Puppies and babies make my daughter, Katie, happy. Watching the birds from her kitchen window makes my friend, Nanc, happy. Blooms on my mini gardenia, sparkling water on Barfield Bay as seen from my upstairs porch first thing in the morning, angel hair pasta with homemade marinara, spotting a baby burrowing owl, a really good book, a hearty laugh with precious friends…. all this and so much more causes me to feel happy. What about you??

Affirmation: I claim happiness.

Coaching questions: List five things that make you happy. If you’re not feeling happy, what can you do to change your mood? How important is it to you to be happy?