Life after losing a mother

Hope–Life’s Best Medicine

April 17, 2019April 17, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Hope is the thing with feathers; That perches in the soul;

And sings the tune without the words; And never stops at all.

Emily Dickinson, poet

As we struggle with the physical and emotional pains of life, hope is our best medicine. Hope gives us the sense that things will work out. I hold this belief in the value of hope based on my own life experiences and the stories of others.

Dr. Jerome Groopman, who holds a chair in medicine at Harvard, writes in his book, The Anatomy of Hope, “Hope gives us the courage to confront our circumstances and the capacity to surmount them. For all my patients, hope, true hope, has proved as important as any medication I might prescribe or any procedure I might perform.” If your hope is waning, search for “the thing with feathers,” as Dickinson so eloquently writes. Chase hope down, then hold it fast. Never give up hope.

Affirmation: I am filled with hope.

Coaching questions: How has having hope served you in the past? How can it serve you now? If you’re feeling low on hope, where can you get a recharge? What can you read, to whom can you speak or pray?

Photo by Ron Smith on Unsplash

How to Live a Thousand Lives

April 15, 2019April 15, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The person who never reads lives only one. George R.R. Martin, author and creator of Game of Thrones

Today, I challenge you to put down your smart phone, turn off the tv, give the video game controller to your whiny little sister, and pick up a book. Not just any book, a good book. One that has a topic or story line that interests you. A book that tickles your imagination or challenges your thinking.

Did you know reading improves your concentration? It also improves discipline, memory, and builds self-esteem. It helps relieve stress and makes you more empathetic. You’ll have a better vocabulary and you’ll live longer if you’re a reader. I didn’t make this up. These facts are borne out by research and the World Literacy Foundation. I’m with Groucho Marx who said, “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” Way to go, Groucho.

Affirmation: I love to read.

Coaching questions: If you’re not a reader, what keeps you from it? How might reading enrich your life? If you are a reader, how will you share your love of reading with another person?

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Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

Finding Success In Work You Love

April 12, 2019April 12, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

If you love your work, if you enjoy it, you’re already a success. Jack Canfield, author

This week I interviewed Sarah, a daughter who lost her fifty-six-year-old mother to breast cancer when she was twenty-one. I went to college with her mother and fondly remember her. Here’s part of her story.

“When mom died I asked myself, What can I do to make myself happy? What would mom have wanted? I decided I wanted to share her value of doing work she loved. One of my mom’s great gifts to me was the love of books. By giving me this gift, she gave me what I needed to survive without her and be happy. I am a journalist and I love my work.”

Loving her work has translated into success. Sarah is a James Beard Award nominated freelance food writer, editor, and recipe developer. She’s been a staff food editor at Food & Wine, Parade, and Food Network Magazine. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and Martha Stewart Living to name a few. The Fall of 2017 she published Adventures in Slow Cooking (see photo) and she’s currently completing a book about premature birth experiences.

Sarah discovered a way to move forward after her loss, honor her mother, and create a satisfying work life for herself. Her mother would be so proud of her.

Affirmation: I will do the work I love.

Coaching questions: Are you doing work you love or, if retired, activities you love? If not, what’s keeping you from it?

Are You Willing to Stick Your Neck Out?

April 10, 2019April 10, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Behold the turtle/tortoise. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out. James Bryant Conant, American chemist

Happy Gopher Tortoise Day. You might not recognize this auspicious day if you don’t live in the southeastern sector of the United States. Here on Marco Island, Florida, gopher tortoises are abundant.

The gopher tortoise is seen as a keystone species because it digs burrows that provide shelter for at least 360 other animal species. They are threatened by predation and habitat destruction. The turtle (somewhat different from the tortoise) is a sacred figure for the Native American. It represents Mother Earth and is a symbol for good health and long life because he/she can live up to 150 years. The hard shell of the turtle represents perseverance and protection.

Affirmation: I have the perseverance and long life of a turtle and I’m willing to stick my neck out for the sake of progress.

Coaching questions: What qualities do you share with the tortoise or turtle? How do they serve you?

Oscar, a gopher tortoise, is my quiet and faithful neighbor.

What Do Friends Mean to You?

April 5, 2019April 5, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

When the world is so complicated, the simple gift of friendship is within all of our hands. Maria Shriver, journalist

One of my best friends recently gave me the gift of the little handmade purse pictured here. She crafted it out of a piece of decorative paper. It fastens with a tiny piece of velcro. It’s so precious to me, mostly because it is a sign of our friendship.

In my life experience, friends have been especially precious. Growing up with no mother or siblings heightened my dependence on, and desire for, special friends in my life. I’ve found that it’s not about the amount of friends I have but the quality of the friendship. There was a period in my life when I had no best friend. I felt lost. Now, I’m blessed with several. Some close-by, some in other states. They are my sisters by a different mother and my treasure.

Affirmation: I will be the best friend I can be.

Coaching question: What do friendships mean to you? How do you find, nurture, and keep friends in your life? If you’re short on special friendships, what step will you take to find a good friend?

Getting Better With Age

April 3, 2019April 3, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength. Betty Friedan, author

If you’re in your 60s, 70s, or 80s, here’s some good news. Chances are, you’ve moved beyond the desire for social competition to embracing the importance of social connection. You’re investing in the well-being of others and activities you enjoy. Of course, life events like death of a loved one or poor health can interrupt this arc. But, in the long run, moving away from the treadmill of upper mobility actually makes us happier.

According to Jonathan Rauych, author of The Happiness Curve, “As we age our brains become more weighted toward positivity. These changes can be seen in brain MRI scans. Over time we experience less stress, regret, and emotional volatility.” In other words, with experience and age, we become wiser and have more balance and perspective. Now, isn’t that good news?

Affirmation: I have the capacity to improve with age.

Coaching questions: If you’re in your 60s and beyond, have you experienced greater well-being? What are you doing to move into the “happiness curve?”

Mailed You This Snake – April Fool!

April 1, 2019March 31, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Mix a little foolishness with your prudence: It’s good to be silly at the right moment. Horace, Roman Poet

Did someone put salt in your sugar bowl this morning? Perhaps there will be a rubber snake in your bed tonight. Beware! Today is April Fools’ Day.

This day has been celebrated for several centuries but the origins remain somewhat of a mystery. Some historians speculate that April Fools’ Day dates back to 1582 when France switched from the Julian calendar to the Gregorian calendar. People slow to get the news or those who failed to recognize that the start of the new year had moved to January and still celebrated the last week of March through April first became the butt of jokes and hoaxes. Sounds like bulling to me. Anyway, the day can be fun for some and annoying to others. It’s only one day. As far as I can tell, nothing interesting happens on April second—unless it is your birthday.

Affirmation: I can be silly and kind.

Coaching questions: Have you been the butt of a joke or hoax? How did you feel? How did you respond?

Photo by Lukasz Szmigiel on Unsplash

Take One Step At a Time

March 27, 2019March 27, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

Break every objective into its smallest pieces and take action with just one of them, even if it is the smallest one and seems insignificant. Bahram Akradi, CEO of Life Time

If you recently set a goal to run a marathon, 26.2 miles can be daunting. Break it down and think of 29,000 strides, taken one step at a time, and it may feel doable. Writing a book is challenging until you consider one word, one sentence at a time. Losing weight starts with saying “no” to one dessert or one dinner roll. Last year, when I reached only a handful of people with this blog, I never dreamed it would be read by people from 52 countries within a year. It happened a day at a time, a post at a time.

When we break our goals into smaller pieces and begin to take action, we can achieve our objectives. We can even play a role in turning around daunting, world-wide events like climate change by simple, everyday actions like eating more plants and less meat or buying locally.

Affirmation: I can reach my goals and make a difference one step at a time.

Coaching questions: Where do you want to make a change in your personal life and/or in the life of the Earth? What’s one step you will take to make this happen? On a scale of 1-10, how strong is your commitment?

Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

Words Matter – Learn to Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

March 25, 2019March 24, 2019 by Mershon Niesner

You can change your world by changing your words. Remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue. Joel Osteen, pastor

Whether you’re speaking with others or to yourself, the words you use go a long way to shaping your experiences. In other words, we’re programmed by the words we speak and hear. This is one reason I include an affirmation with every blog. How we speak to yourselves, especially when we use the phrase, “I am,” goes a long way towards creating our reality.

Saying to ourself, “I’m exhausted” is disempowering. Whereas, “I’m ready for some down time” can empower you to get some rest. Also, check out words or phases you frequently use that may be limiting like “whatever” or “I don’t care.” You may be using these phrases simply because you don’t want to engage, be truthful, or confront. Learning to speak clearly and honestly with respect for yourself and others will go a long way towards helping you change your perception of yourself and your world.

Affirmation: I will speak with clarity and purpose.

Coaching questions: What limiting terms or phrases do you use? What will you do to limit negative self talk? What difference might changing some of your language make in your life?

Photo by Marina Vitale on Unsplash