Blog

Everyone Needs a Tugboat

by Mershon Niesner

Be someone’s security blanket when theirs is in the wash. Richelle E. Goodrich, author

On a recent cruise up the east coast from New Jersey to Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada, we saw several tugboats at work. Tugs push or pull vessels restricted in a narrow canal or crowded harbor. They also help ships that are unable to move by themselves such as barges or disabled ships.

We all need a virtual tugboat in our life when we are in a “narrow” place or “crowded” with negative thoughts and feelings. We especially need the tug of a strong arm to help us with we feel unable to move forward on our own or we’re disabled by grief or guilt.

Affirmation: I accept the help of tugboats in my life.

Coaching question: Who are the tugboats in your life? When have you been a tugboat in the life of another?

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Lighten Your Load

by Mershon Niesner

In the scope of a happy life, a messy desk or an overstuffed closet is a trivial thing, yet I find that getting rid of clutter gives a disproportionate boost to happiness. Gretchen Rubin, author

The average U.S. home contains more than 300,000 objects. Our society trains us to regard the ownership of things as a mark of success and happiness. Yet, even when we are surrounded by things we value, their impact becomes negative when we become stressed and overwhelmed by the prospect of digging out or when they impinge on our movement, time, relationships.

Clearing closets and distributing personal effects of loved ones after they have died is an especially difficult task. Yet, even these things, unworn and unused, become emotional as well as physical clutter in our lives and stand in the way of our recovery. 

Affirmation: I live in a clutter-free environment.

Coaching questions: Look at your environment with fresh eyes. Do you have unworn clothes in closets, unused utensils in drawers, knick knacks gathering dust, piles of papers? Spend 15 minutes today cleaning out one area of clutter. Congratulate yourself on your accomplishment.

Live Like An Ikarian

by Mershon Niesner

We just forget to die. Ikarian woman interviewed by Blue Zones researcher (Ikaria is a Greek Island where many live to be over 100)

People on Ikaria rarely, if ever, experience dementia which affects more than 5 million people in the United States. Here are a few lifestyle tips to help you live a longer, healthier life like the Ikarians. 

…Challenge yourself to master new skills. According to the Harvard School of Public Health, the type of activity doesn’t matter. Find something new you enjoy and master it.

…According to the Alzheimer’s Prevention Program, eating whole foods like beans, greens, berries, olive oil, and whole grains will help you improve your cognitive processes.  

…Avoid chronic stress. Researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital found that those who participated in mediation increased the amount of gray matter density in the learning and memory area of their brains. Daily exercise is also recommended as a stress reliever and to protect your mind.

…Get enough sleep! Quality sleep without the aid of medication is most important.

Affirmation: I choose to live a healthy life. 

Coaching questions: What do you do to stay healthy? What can you do better? What’s one thing you will add or change today to do the most you can to avoid the onset of dementia? It’s never too late to begin.

Patience Is More Than a Virtue

by Mershon Niesner

Patience is not simply the ability to wait—it’s how we behave while we’re waiting. Joyce Meyer, author

Taking care of loved ones who are sick, dying, or have dementia requires a great deal of patience. It’s also important to be patient with ourselves and others as we process our grief.

Here are a few tips to improve your patience:

  • Keep a journal about what causes you to feel impatient. Be specific. This will help you acquire greater awareness of your feelings and their cause. 
  • Stop and be still for a few minutes everyday with no TV, no reading, no music, no electronics. This will help quiet your impatient mind.
  • Use small experiences requiring patience…i.e. waiting in line at the grocery store or the doctor’s office… to practice dealing with your impatient feelings. Read, write, think, knit…use this down time to be creative and side-step the stress caused by impatience. 
  • Have a back-up plan. We are never 100 percent ready for someone to die, but as you envision your life without this person, plan how you will live, consider the inner strength/faith you will call upon, you will be able to execute more patience as you deal with death and your grief in the future.

Affirmation: I am patient.

Coaching questions: Think of patience as an exercise, practicing a bit every day helps you to achieve a stronger peace of mind. What will you do today to exercise your patience muscle?

Time For Worry or Stress

by Mershon Niesner

According to the latest Gallup poll, the world is unhappier than it has been in recent history.

Wonder why I keep blogging about how to handle worry? According to a recent Gallup poll, nearly half of people in the U.S. say they are feeling stressed and 40 percent report being worried. Latin Americans appear to be the happiest people in the world and those living in Afghanistan, devastated by war, poverty, disease, and hunger, are the unhappiest. Fifty nine percent of Americans said they consider this the lowest point in U.S. history they can remember.

Here’s an idea: Set aside 10 minutes a day to concentrate on your/the world situation. Allow yourself to worry to your heart’s content, or, as I do, pray about it, then mentally move away from your negative thoughts the rest of the day. Stay disciplined.

Affirmation: I can set aside my stress and worry.

Coaching questions: What helps you deal with stress? What can you do to improve your capacity to live as a happier person?

Kindness Begets Kindness

by Mershon Niesner

No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted. Aesop

Having spent 9/11 in Halifax, Nova Scotia, I was reminded that 40 aircraft carrying 8,000 passengers were diverted to Halifax Stanfield International Airport on that day 17 years ago. By evening, all 8,00 had a bed in which to sleep. Halifax accepted the greatest number of aircraft of any airport and was the first major airport to have all diverted flights back in the air.

In Halifax Narrows, on December 6, 1917, two cargo ships collided causing a massive explosion, the largest ever prior to the atomic bomb, that killed 2,00 people and injured 9,000. The town was demolished. Our kilt-wearing, Scottish guide told us about the generous response of Americans who sent trains with supplies, building materials, and personnel to help. He said,”On 9/11, we were honored to have the opportunity to return the kindness we had been shown by Americans many years earlier.” And so it goes…kindness begetting kindness.

Affirmation: I am kind.

Coaching question: in what way were you a part of the circle of kindness today?

Remember and Honor

by Mershon Niesner

If we learn nothing else from this tragedy, we learn that life is short and there is no time for hate. Sandy Dahl, wife of Flight 92 pilot, Jason Dahl

Yesterday, in the United States and elsewhere, we remembered the 2,977 people who were killed during the 9/11 coordinated terrorist attacks. The day is now also dedicated to community service which, I propose, we embrace everyday. 

I agree with President Obama who said, “Even the smallest act of service, the simplest act of kindness, is a way to honor those we lost, a way to reclaim that spirit of unity that follows 9/11.”

Affirmation: I remember and honor through service.

Coaching questions: What is one small act of service or kindness you will provide to help reclaim the spirit of unity? How does your service/kindness enrich your life? 

When Nothing Can Be Done About It

by Mershon Niesner

The Japanese phrase, Shikata ga nai, means “it cannot be helped”  or “nothing can be done about it,” a strategy for accepting an undesirable situation and the antidote to worry. It’s a reminder that when the something is beyond your control, you need to mentally move on.

Scientific studies agree that dwelling on negative events may cause depression and other physical symptoms. I know….it’s easier said than done but still an excellent lesson for living a healthier, happier life. 

Affirmation: I move on when a situation is beyond my control.

Coaching questions: What situations/relationships beyond your control are causing you to obsess, worry, or lose sleep? What’s one step you can take to move towards adopting Shikata ga nai?

Discovering the Dragons of Home

by Mershon Niesner

I believe that one carries the shadows, the dreams, the fears and dragons of home under one’s skin, at the extreme corners of one’s eyes, and possibly in the gristle of the ear lobe. Maya Angelou, author, singer, memoirist, and civil rights activist.

Where is home for you? Some say, “home is where the heart is” others consider home wherever their loved ones are. I’m interpreting Angelou’s quote to mean family of origin or childhood home. As we search for our unique selves, we uncover all that originally made us who we are under our skin, at the corners of our eyes, and the gristle of our ear lobs. 

As I write a memoir-like book, I’m daily considering the shadows, dreams, fears, and dragons I carry with me. I’m transported back to small-town-Nebraska and what I consider to be an idyllic childhood. Concurrently, I’m writing a historical fiction book about my great grandparents, early settlers in Nebraska. I’m embracing my past and finding satisfaction even in the shadows.

Affirmation: I embrace my past as I carry it into my present.

Coaching questions: Where is home for you? What do you especially value that you learned from your family or origin? How does it make a difference to you today?

IMG_1488Sledding with friends behind our car in Nebraska – circa 1957 – I’m on left

Nap Time

by Mershon Niesner

Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap. Barbara Jordan, American lawyer, educator, politician who was a leader in the Civil Rights Movement.

Three of my youngest grand-girls started Kindergarten this Fall. Remember when Kindergarten was half-a-day and you brought your nap rug so you could have a short snooze to make it through the morning? I wasn’t happy with nap time but if I went back to school today I might be more amenable to the concept. Today, Kindergarten is all day with no naps.

Naps don’t make up for poor quality nighttime sleep but, according to the National Sleep Foundation, a 20-30 minute nap can help improve mood, alertness, and performance. Famous nappers include Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy, Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison and George W. Bush. 

Affirmation: I stay healthy with good sleep.

Coaching questions: Do you get an adequate amount of sleep? If not, what price do you pay for your sleep deprivation? What’s one thing you will do to improve your sleep?