Blog

Don’t Try To Be A Superhero

by Mershon Niesner

The gradual losses experienced by caregivers can lead to sadness, depression, anger, guilt, sleeplessness and other physical and emotional problems. Family Caregiver Alliance Site

Caregivers are frequently referred to as heroes, even super-heroes. But they aren’t. Caregivers are not super-human or intended to be super-heroes. They are simply human beings doing their best to take care of someone they love whose brain is not working properly. Perhaps they may wish they had super powers or mystical abilities but to stay sane they must acknowledge that they can’t fix all the challenges that accompany a dementia diagnosis.

The Family Caregiver Alliance recommends that a caregiver identify her losses, her feelings about the losses and her corresponding grief. The Alliance also recommends keeping a journal or gratitude journal, attending support groups, and doing relaxation exercises. 

Affirmation: I take care of myself as I take care of another.

Coaching questions: Whether you are a caregiver or not, in what ways do you try to be a super-hero? How’s that working for you? If you are a caregiver, in what ways do you take care of yourself?

 

Living In the Season

by Mershon Niesner

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. Henry David Thoreau, American essayist, poet, philosopher, naturalist

Summer is winding down. Schools in my area start next week. My husband and I change our living location from Florida to Illinois in the summer in order to spend time with our adult kids and grands. We will culminate with two big family events this weekend then our mission will be accomplished. We have spent time with all six kids (three on my side, three on my husband’s side),  their spouses, and all 19 grands plus two great grands.

We have immersed ourselves in the season. Now we are now getting ready for a September trip then back to our home in Florida until next summer.

Affirmation: I live in each season.

Coaching questions: Have you done all you wanted to do this summer? What will you do with the time that remains? What does it mean to you to “live in each season?”

Your Brain Is Listening

by Mershon Niesner

Changing your mindset can change everything. Jen Sinero, author of You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life.

I include an affirmation with each blog post because I know they make a difference. Even if you don’t quite buy your affirming words, your brain believes them. For instance, Sinero, executive coach with the long book title above, suggests changing a message like, “I’m so nervous about this presentation” to “I’m so excited to be doing this.”

Affirm yourself with positive language. Not, “I hope I don’t get sick” but rather, “I am healthy.” Affirming yourself may sound hookey but, believe me, it will make a difference in your life because your brain is listening. 

Affirmation: My brain is listening, I know how to change my mindset.

Coaching requests: Think of one thing you want to change or attract into your life. Now, write a positive statement about this. Post your message on the bathroom mirror and repeat it out loud to yourself twice a day for a week.

Choose To Be Happy

by Mershon Niesner

Forty percent of our happiness, or lack thereof, is dictated by our genes, and about fifteen percent is by circumstances. That means you’re in control of about 40 to 45 percent, which is a lot. Dan Buettner, author of The Blue Zones of Happiness

Yesterday my daughters and I took their two youngest, Marcella and Sitara, both five, to Santa’s Village, a kiddie amusement park/petting zoo, for the day. At one of the girls’ first rides I noticed that Ken, the 60-ish ride operator, was extraordinarily happy as he welcomed each child to his ride, smiled and waved at them as they rode, said good-bye to each one as they left. We returned to Ken’s ride (it was a favorite) at the end of the day. I was hot and droopy but not Ken. He was still smiling and welcoming each child as they boarded.

Perhaps this is Ken’s retirement job and that’s why he seems to love it so….perhaps he is living off the meager income it provides. I have no idea but I do know that Ken has chosen to be happy and brighten the lives of little children and tired grandmas. Thanks, Ken.

Affirmation: I choose to be happy.

Coaching questions: In what ways do you choose to be happy? Who do you know that, despite their difficult circumstances, has chosen to be happy? In what way do they inspire you? If you are this person, know that you are inspiring others.

IMG_2442 (1)

 

 

The Tooth Fairy

by Mershon Niesner

Currently helping my kid make a Get Well Card for the Tooth Fairy who is having wing surgery…again. Tweet from a creative, forgetful dad

One of my granddaughters, Natalie, almost six, recently lost her first tooth. Her Aunt Katie made her a tooth fairy pillow and money was left in it while she slept. I must admit, when my children were young, I didn’t make a big deal out of the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny…I hope I didn’t stunt my children. They seem ok. I did leave money under their pillows for those tiny teeth but I also told them the truth when they asked and they asked early.

Magical thinking has its place when it comes to these magical childhood characters. However, magical thinking has no place when it comes to the truth about death, especially when talking to children. As I talk with daughters about their childhood memories regarding mother loss, many describe the damage done to them from lack of communication, untruths, and secrets surrounding death.

Affirmation: I tell the truth about death.

Coaching questions: Are you prepared to answer your child’s questions about death? How have you been empowered by the truth? 

IMG_0705 (2).jpg

Ultimate Thrivers

by Mershon Niesner

My mission in life is to not merely survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou, author

According to urban legend, the word thrive originates from a central Auckland, New Zealand crew commonly known as the Ultimate Thrivers. This prestigious bunch of people developed the word during many dunk nights and good times.

The traditional meaning of what it is to thrive includes: to flourish, develop well and vigorously. A thriving garden requires good soil and plant food, sunshine, adequate water, and tender care including weeding and pruning. What environment and attitude causes you to thrive?

Affirmation: I am an Ultimate Thriver.

Coaching questions: What would it mean for you to move from surviving to thriving? If you’re already in thriver mode, what helps you stay there? How do you determine the difference between survive and thrive as it applies to your life?

Grab A Good Book

by Mershon Niesner

I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of anything than a book! Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Like Jane, I too love to read. For me, books open up a whole world of knowledge, armchair travel, intriguing stories, and personalities. I read printed books, Kindle books, and books with my ears. I love them all! Here are a few books I’ve enjoyed recently.

Fiction—The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane – my favorite of 2017, The Great Alone – outback Alaska, Paris In the Present Tense – beautiful and weird at the same time

Just finished reading—-The Good Liar by Catherine McKenzie – complex and a page turner,  Love and Ruin – about Martha Gellhorn, WWII era, The Language of Flowers – coming of age story, you’ll love it if you like flowers

Audio books—The Flight Attendant – murder mystery, Calypso by humorist David Sedaris- fun and funny, Hillbilly Effigy – a memoir

Non-fiction—The Book of Joy – my favorite non-fiction of the decade! Dead Moms Club – a memoir, The Blue Zones – about aging well

Affirmation: Reading enriches my life.

Coaching questions: What do books mean to you? What have you read lately? If you’re not a reader, give it a try–read one book this month.

Be Like Aladdin

by Mershon Niesner

Jasmine, I do love you, but I gotta stop pretending to be something I’m not. Aladdin

My grandchildren, Tuscany, 13, and Agostino, 10, were characters in the Aladdin musical this week. To me, the main point of the story is when Aladdin, who goes from poor, hungry, street rat to a prince, thanks to the Genie, realizes that being your true self is more important than riches and fame.

An important reminder for us all but especially poignant to all the teens in the cast wondering if “just being me” is really enough. Thanks, Aladdin!

Affirmation: I am who I am and that’s just fine.

Coaching questions: In what ways are you true to who you are? Think of an example. How does it feel when you are less than authentic?

IMG_0564.jpgMy grandson, Auggie, portraying the Artist Prince who was vying for Jasmine’s hand.

Bring Life to Your Life

by Mershon Niesner

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Khalil Gibran, author of The Prophet

Ana, one of the daughters I interviewed whose mother died when she was young, gave me this great quote, “Make sure you don’t leave anything in your closet, unworn, with tags on!”

My interpretation of this is; live every day to the fullest, be present in your life, not bemoaning and living in the past. Ana also gave us this piece of advice, “Don’t be mad that’s she (your mother) is gone, be glad you’re still here.” Words to live by….thanks, Ana.

Affirmation: I’m glad I’m alive.

Coaching questions: Do you have anything in your closet, unworn, with tags on? What’s keeping you from wearing it? What’s keeping you from celebrating life and living in the present? What’s one thing you can do TODAY to bring more life to your life?

 

A Box of New Crayons

by Mershon Niesner

We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors but they live together in the same box. Author unknown

School is starting soon in most of the United States. Parents are stocking up on school supplies which, for elementary kids, still includes crayons. To me there is nothing like the smell, the feel, the colorful beauty of new crayons. Just seeing them on the shelves at Walmart renews my creative energy as I look forward to Fall..

To add to my love of crayons is this metaphor of inclusion….all colors, weird names, sharp and dull, all living in the same box….what a great visual message. Young children see the world through these eyes, it’s the job of a parent is to help them stay that way.

Affirmation: I love “crayons” of all kinds.

Coaching questions: If you’re feeling low on… positive energy, creativity, good will…buy yourself a box of crayons or colored pencils. No matter what your age, coloring will make you feel just a little better. What’s keeping you from trying it?red-crayon-clipart-McLLorqca