Blog

The Tooth Fairy

by Mershon Niesner

Currently helping my kid make a Get Well Card for the Tooth Fairy who is having wing surgery…again. Tweet from a creative, forgetful dad

One of my granddaughters, Natalie, almost six, recently lost her first tooth. Her Aunt Katie made her a tooth fairy pillow and money was left in it while she slept. I must admit, when my children were young, I didn’t make a big deal out of the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny…I hope I didn’t stunt my children. They seem ok. I did leave money under their pillows for those tiny teeth but I also told them the truth when they asked and they asked early.

Magical thinking has its place when it comes to these magical childhood characters. However, magical thinking has no place when it comes to the truth about death, especially when talking to children. As I talk with daughters about their childhood memories regarding mother loss, many describe the damage done to them from lack of communication, untruths, and secrets surrounding death.

Affirmation: I tell the truth about death.

Coaching questions: Are you prepared to answer your child’s questions about death? How have you been empowered by the truth? 

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Ultimate Thrivers

by Mershon Niesner

My mission in life is to not merely survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style. Maya Angelou, author

According to urban legend, the word thrive originates from a central Auckland, New Zealand crew commonly known as the Ultimate Thrivers. This prestigious bunch of people developed the word during many dunk nights and good times.

The traditional meaning of what it is to thrive includes: to flourish, develop well and vigorously. A thriving garden requires good soil and plant food, sunshine, adequate water, and tender care including weeding and pruning. What environment and attitude causes you to thrive?

Affirmation: I am an Ultimate Thriver.

Coaching questions: What would it mean for you to move from surviving to thriving? If you’re already in thriver mode, what helps you stay there? How do you determine the difference between survive and thrive as it applies to your life?

Grab A Good Book

by Mershon Niesner

I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of anything than a book! Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

Like Jane, I too love to read. For me, books open up a whole world of knowledge, armchair travel, intriguing stories, and personalities. I read printed books, Kindle books, and books with my ears. I love them all! Here are a few books I’ve enjoyed recently.

Fiction—The Tea Girl of Hummingbird Lane – my favorite of 2017, The Great Alone – outback Alaska, Paris In the Present Tense – beautiful and weird at the same time

Just finished reading—-The Good Liar by Catherine McKenzie – complex and a page turner,  Love and Ruin – about Martha Gellhorn, WWII era, The Language of Flowers – coming of age story, you’ll love it if you like flowers

Audio books—The Flight Attendant – murder mystery, Calypso by humorist David Sedaris- fun and funny, Hillbilly Effigy – a memoir

Non-fiction—The Book of Joy – my favorite non-fiction of the decade! Dead Moms Club – a memoir, The Blue Zones – about aging well

Affirmation: Reading enriches my life.

Coaching questions: What do books mean to you? What have you read lately? If you’re not a reader, give it a try–read one book this month.

Be Like Aladdin

by Mershon Niesner

Jasmine, I do love you, but I gotta stop pretending to be something I’m not. Aladdin

My grandchildren, Tuscany, 13, and Agostino, 10, were characters in the Aladdin musical this week. To me, the main point of the story is when Aladdin, who goes from poor, hungry, street rat to a prince, thanks to the Genie, realizes that being your true self is more important than riches and fame.

An important reminder for us all but especially poignant to all the teens in the cast wondering if “just being me” is really enough. Thanks, Aladdin!

Affirmation: I am who I am and that’s just fine.

Coaching questions: In what ways are you true to who you are? Think of an example. How does it feel when you are less than authentic?

IMG_0564.jpgMy grandson, Auggie, portraying the Artist Prince who was vying for Jasmine’s hand.

Bring Life to Your Life

by Mershon Niesner

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Khalil Gibran, author of The Prophet

Ana, one of the daughters I interviewed whose mother died when she was young, gave me this great quote, “Make sure you don’t leave anything in your closet, unworn, with tags on!”

My interpretation of this is; live every day to the fullest, be present in your life, not bemoaning and living in the past. Ana also gave us this piece of advice, “Don’t be mad that’s she (your mother) is gone, be glad you’re still here.” Words to live by….thanks, Ana.

Affirmation: I’m glad I’m alive.

Coaching questions: Do you have anything in your closet, unworn, with tags on? What’s keeping you from wearing it? What’s keeping you from celebrating life and living in the present? What’s one thing you can do TODAY to bring more life to your life?

 

A Box of New Crayons

by Mershon Niesner

We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors but they live together in the same box. Author unknown

School is starting soon in most of the United States. Parents are stocking up on school supplies which, for elementary kids, still includes crayons. To me there is nothing like the smell, the feel, the colorful beauty of new crayons. Just seeing them on the shelves at Walmart renews my creative energy as I look forward to Fall..

To add to my love of crayons is this metaphor of inclusion….all colors, weird names, sharp and dull, all living in the same box….what a great visual message. Young children see the world through these eyes, it’s the job of a parent is to help them stay that way.

Affirmation: I love “crayons” of all kinds.

Coaching questions: If you’re feeling low on… positive energy, creativity, good will…buy yourself a box of crayons or colored pencils. No matter what your age, coloring will make you feel just a little better. What’s keeping you from trying it?red-crayon-clipart-McLLorqca

Healing Isn’t Forgetting

by Mershon Niesner

Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives. Author unknown.

Two of the most difficult mother loss stories I heard as I interviewed daughters for my book were the stories from daughters whose mothers were murdered by their husbands, the daughters’ step-fathers. When domestic abuse culminates in murder, there is much opportunity for anger, hate, blame, and depression. 

Both of these daughters, one who lost her mother several years ago, the other, very recently, are both moving towards the goal of not allowing the damage of their horrific experience control their lives. They have both sought therapy, asked for support from friends and family, and have been gentle with themselves through their process of grief and healing. One daughter wrote a book entitled, The Third Return, about her mother’s life. Writing the book helped her to move on after the trial of her mother’s killer which lasted over eight years. 

Affirmation: I can heal.

Coaching questions: What negative energy, if any, controls your life? What will help you to take back control?

Being Strong

by Mershon Niesner

Being strong is only partly physical; it’s also mental, emotional, spiritual, and social. Maggie Fazeli Zard, RKC, senior fitness editor for Experience Life magazine.

This summer I’m focusing my workout program on strength training. My goal is to be physically stronger. However, I totally agree with Zard. Being strong is only partially about increasing how many pounds I can lift.

Even if I’m strong in aspects beyond physical doesn’t mean I’m bulletproof or failure resistant. It just means I move forward in all aspects of my life knowing I’m strong enough for the attempt. There is no “try” in my vocabulary….Tom, my strength coach, doesn’t let me use the word. I either will or I won’t. I know I’m strong enough to accept failure, adversity, or defeat as well as victory.

Affirmation: I am strong.

Coaching question: In what area do you need to build your strength? What step will you take to do this? How will it make a difference in your well-being?

Balancing Purpose and Pleasure

by Mershon Niesner

To be truly happy, you need to feel both pleasure and purpose. You can be just as happy or sad as I am but with a different combination of pleasure and purpose. And you may require each to different degrees at different times. But you do need to feel both. I call this the pleasure-purpose principle–the PPP. Paul Dolan, author of Happiness by Design

Hedonism is the pursuit of happiness via sensory pleasure and comforts. Eudaemonism is the pursuit of happiness through efforts to live a virtuous life and become a better person. There’s evidence to show that living well means balancing these two aims.

If we choose one to the exclusion of the other, we can end up feeling like we’re missing out which can cause anxiety, depression and even chronic disease. One way to obtain balance is to notice when experiences provide a sense of both pleasure and purpose then create more of these moments in our lives.

Affirmation: I have both pleasure and purpose in my life.

Coaching questions: Can you name a time when you experienced both pleasure and purpose? What helps you keep both pleasure and purpose active in your life? What gives you pleasure? What gives you a sense of purpose?

Get Your Sleep!

by Mershon Niesner

A lot of people underestimate rest, especially sleeping and recovery time. Jason Day, Australian professional golfer.

Did you know that you have a brain-cleaning crew that works the night shift only? While you are sleeping, your brain’s glymnphatic system flushes cerebrospinal fluid through your gray matter to remove proteins that accumulate during the day.

If you deprive yourself of restorative sleep, waste begins to accumulate in the brain and causes a loss of neurological function. In the short term, this might mean poor memory or absent-mindedness. In the long term the trash buildup may be a contributing factor to dementia and Alzheimer’s. Sleep isn’t a luxury. 

Affirmation: I get good sleep.

Coaching questions: How much sleep do you get? How much do you need? What’s keeping you from getting the sleep you need for maximum health?