So true and beautifully written.
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What I Learned At Legoland
What’s really cool about LEGOs is that you can put a bunch of bricks on the table, and everybody will make something different. Everyone has different ideas, and some of them may seem crazy. Christopher Miller, Writer of The Lego Movie
This week I took two grandchildren, August, 10, and Marcella, 5, to our local Legoland. It was a fun morning of observing amazing cities, animals, Star Wars characters and more all made from tiny, plastic Legos bricks. In addition, there was a Lego movie, a couple of rides and lots of opportunities to build with Legos. So, what did I learn in this haven for kiddies?
- Amazing creative things can be made from tiny pieces of plastic.
- Kids who are compete strangers can find joy in building a Duplo wall together.
- Very happy, creative adults with engineering and IT skills galore can get paid for conceptualizing and building super cool things out of Legos
- You have to know a bit about building with Legos to create a workable car with wheels (this grandma was woefully unqualified) but I learned you get extra credit for riding on a kiddie ride.
- Well raised kids express gratitude.
- I day of fun ages a person backwards.
Affirmation: I know how to have fun.
Coaching questions: What do you do for fun? What brings out the kid in you? What does being child-like do for you?
Birthdays
How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Satchel Paige, legendary baseball pitcher
On July 11th, 1945, less than two months before the end of WWII, in a small, questionably clean hospital delivery room in Ardmore, Oklahoma, I was born. The doctor was out fishing at the time, but managed to appear shortly before my 10:10 am birth. My dad was a Captain in the US Air Force and had asked his commander to postpone his immediate transfer to McDill Air Force Base in Florida in order to be nearby for at least the first several days after by birth.
My parents, Leon and Winnie, had enjoyed some years of alone-couple-time prior to my arrival so the timing was right but who would have guessed that a little less than nine years later, our family would have shrunk to just my dad and me with a 34-year-old wife and mother dead before her time. No one knows what life will bring. I learned very early that death is real and our time on this earth can be cut short at any minute. That knowledge has caused me to strive to live life to the fullest and appreciate every moment.
Affirmation: I am joyfully and fully alive.
Coaching questions: What have you learned from the traumas of your life? What difference has that understanding made?
Finding Peace
When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace. Jimi Hendrix (1942-1970), American rock guitarist, singer, and songwriter.
It feels as though our nation and our world are in unprecedented turmoil. The power of love is definitely not overcoming the love of power as Hendrix was suggesting. As much as I believe in being an informed advocate for what we believe, taking a breather from it all is valuable as well.
Take a moment and consider the swan. Her life may not be as peaceful as this photo from my local park portrays, but the image gives us a focal point on which to rest our minds and our hearts. Now, if only for a few seconds, take a deep breath and just BE.
Affirmation: I am at peace.
Coaching questions: What helps you keep peace within yourself? If you feel harried, what is one thing can you do to feel more peaceful?
Challenging Yourself
If I couldn’t handle not being good at something, then how could I consider myself a successful person? Gerald, high school athlete featured on CBS Sunday Morning
As the saying goes, “out of the mouths of babes,” this quote comes from the mouth of a high school student who was good at nearly every sport in his school….except swimming. He couldn’t even swim. So, what did he do? He tried out for the swim team and because they were so desperate for members, he was signed on. Eventually he takes them to the state tournament but the big take away is his quote and the fact he would even consider such a challenge.
Mostly we shy away from what we’re not good at. We want to be successful, look good, and not suffer the humility of failure. Gerald’s courage, self-esteem, self-awareness are all admirable. And he didn’t just think it, he did it. He learned what it is like to be a successful person by first being a failure.
Affirmation: I like a challenge.
Coaching questions: Is there something you’re not good at that you want to try but are holding back because you might look foolish? If you challenged yourself to take this on, how might it change your life?
Letting Go
Don’t try to force anything. Let life be a deep let-go. God opens millions of flowers every day without forcing their buds. Osho, Indian godman and leader (1931-1990)
If you know me, you know I’m generally a stress-free person. Balance and order have always been important to me mostly because I really don’t like to feel stressed. But last week several events caused stress to catch up with me. Everything that was stressing me turned out to be just fine. Just like the quote, the buds turned to flowers despite my stressing over them.
This experience reminded me to: Let go and let God, breathe, stay in the present, and organize the best you can then allow events to unfold as they will.
Affirmation: I will let go.
Coaching questions: What helps you combat the inevitable stressors of life? How’s that working out for you? If you’re living with more stress that you’d like to, what steps can you take to learn how to deal with the stress or eliminate the stressors?
Mixed Message
I waffled between being unable to even say the words ‘my mom died’ to then wanting to talk about nothing else but my dead mom. Kate Spencer, author, The Dead Moms Club, a memoir
I’m in the middle of reading Kate Spencer’s book, The Dead Moms Club. In addition to a terrific (in my opinion) writer, Kate is also a professional comedian and the combo is dynamite….think Amy Schumer meets seriously grieving daughter.
Her quote above about talking about mom versus not talking about mom is very common….I hear it frequently as I interview daughters, especially if their mother recently died. As caring friends and family, it puts us in a difficult position. Is today the day for talking or not? I say error on the side of “talking about.” Not the pat, “How are you doing?” but things like, “I remember that time when we ……” People want to know that others remember too. My long-time friend, Leanne, recently shared a story about my mom that happened 64 years ago. It was a one sentence memory. That single line is in my book and in my heart. Your memories count. Share them.
Affirmation: I cherish and share my memories.
Coaching questions: Talking or not talking? What works for you? When you’re able, let your friends and family in on what you’re feeling.
7 Tips For Surviving Loss
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of those depths. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross (July 8, 1926 – August 24, 2004), Swiss-American psychiatrist, a pioneer in near-death, grief studies and author
- Have no secrets – tell the truth, talk about your experience, use real words, acknowledge reality
- Get outside of yourself – serve others, volunteer
- Use affirmations – affirm yourself and your progress, state what you want and how you want to be
- Connect to a community – find others (on line or in person) who have had a similar experience
- Seek therapy – don’t try to recover on your own if you’re struggling
- Be kind to yourself – honor your individual grief process, your anger, and your guilt
- Honor the person you have lost by working your way back to living life to the fullest
Affirmation: I have found my way out of the depths.
Coaching questions: If you’ve experienced loss, what tips might work for you? What will you do today to implement your choice? What difference might it make?
Is Mom Lost?
All the art of living lies in the fine mingling of letting go and holding on. Havelock Ellis, English physician, writer, progressive intellectual (1859-1939)
We often speak of “losing our mothers” or identifying ourselves as “motherless daughters.” I also use these terms but recently I’ve questioned their viability.
My mother isn’t lost, she hasn’t been wandering through the woods or riding an endless NY subway these last 64 years. She has been and currently is dead. On the other hand, I’m not mother less. I was born of a mother and she remains in my heart, the curve of my smile, my DNA. She is literally present in my life.
Affirmation: I walk the fine line between letting go and holding on.
Coaching questions: How do you describe yourself as a person without a living mother? How do terms make a difference?
Free To Be You And Me
A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself. Jim Morrison, American singer, songwriter
If you live in the United States of American, happy 4th of July! As Americans celebrate our country’s independence, I’m suggesting we also celebrate our freedom to be ourselves. Exuberant or quiet, liberal or conservative, old or young, athlete or artist, outdoor enthusiast or gamer….let us celebrate our unique selves.
Having a friend that encourages you to be you is what friendship is all about. Friends who accept us, “worts and all,” give us the freedom to make mistakes, say something just a little over the top, be really sad.
Affirmation: I celebrate my freedom to be me. I celebrate your freedom to be you.
Coaching questions: What about you will you celebrate today? How do you help your friends be themselves?
Life after losing a mother 